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I'm Here. I'm Queer. Get used to it.

How many times have I heard those words played, over and, over again? Where am I supposed to draw a line between the separations of reality? The point where my rights begin, or the point where they end? Where the rights of laws, passed long before I could live, fall into place? Where the thoughts of men, long before me, were placed to help their lives..But make mine more difficult? This is not some bleeding heart, crying out to the anti-gay communities to stop their hate and start acceptance. This is not some childish fantasy I have developed inside my mind after years of hiding behind the plaster cast of normalcy.

This is simply a plea for understanding.

My life wasn't story book, never will be. Nor will the lives of any one person.

But my life has also not been so tragically difficult it could only be drawn together by Poe's Nevermore.

Maybe if I had grown up around more people like me. If I had understood where my boundaries begin and end. Maybe I would not have fallen so hard in a sub-culture of a sexual preference I could not understand in my wildest dreams. To blend in with those around me, those unlike me. I made my share of taunts, and crimes against my own kind.

How low was I before I understood what I truly was? A f*****t, a gay, a fairy? Who was I before this? Before I became this thing. This thing that brought on so many hundreds of years of hate, and rage, and emotions I have already felt? Who was I?

Even I do not recall. Sadly, in my age, of not that much. I do not recall. I was not simply plopped into a world of gum drops and rainbows. I was tossed into a battlefield from my birth. Fighting my urges and not understanding why I loved those who were like me. Not like me in the way they fought to think of the opposite. To put their arms, or let arms be put, around those who would simply be there for a minute or two. While they would wish and plead for that one soul they could never dream to have. When even in dreams it hurt so badly, they would wake up wishing for more strength. NO! They were not like me in that way..They were like me for what we were made with. The parts for which man kind has used to keep it's own pitiful race alive since the dawn of two pairs of each kind.

They were like me because I was them...But I wasn't.

I cannot recall who I was because I was nothing. A nothing. When through so many years I fought to shove myself into a niche, and niche I did not fit in. And only to find myself I found things no one should have seen. But so many have seen and so much worse.

The things I saw that would frighten me awake at night, that would make me plead and scream to be what the world thought was right.

This I felt, and heard that I wish upon no one of any manner. Not even those who brought it to me.

When the pain was for something I could never control. When life and love strolled hand in hand and I had no say in where love crossed the line and life did not approve.

Where love destroyed my life and left me without the choices to get up for so long that I forgot who I had found inside of myself.

And only when I was able to regain myself was I able to gain strength. Able to try and show the world what I always was. Finding those like me, who were able to hold their heads with me and proclaim what we are is true to our own souls. Not the souls of man who have been corrupted by seven sins, tearing the world into the path that lie before my generation to mend. But the souls of people, one group of people.

One group who had hidden inside a wardrobe, fearing that one step outside would lead them into the fiery pit of hell where so many claimed we had come from, where we were, or where we were to go to.

and yet..In my conquest I was alone. My brothers and sisters were not around me to proclaim our pride, to proclaim our dignity. They were far away from me. Leaving me to lead a revolution in a world I did not wish to revolt to.

But I did.

Night and day I wish to free others from the prison I had once held myself in. To turn this small world of so few people into a world I was proud to live in. Where no fear would be felt. Where I was free to love those I had cried so many nights over. Wishing to be older, another gender, another time, place, manner. Wishing my world and theirs could connect without catching fire.

A world I could claim as my own. Where I could be looked up to, for revolting in a time when no others could. For bringing that peace between those who were not like us..and maybe even people who did not understand us. A world where words and actions did not mean to harm, maim, destroy, hate. Where they were what held us together..

A world where no one would have to proclaim. I'm queer. I'm here. Get used to it!



Because it would already be another piece of normalcy.

We'll have this next step in normalcy, because everyone who understands will fight for it, just like we have in the past for different races rights, womens rights, religious rights, and now loving rights. And not just rights, but normalcy. It doesn't matter if I'm a female who is attracted to males, or anyone else who is attracted to anyone else. It's love. Be here for you to the very end ^_^!