This was and still is originally written for my Significant other.


Look at us now , remember how it started so long ago ,my sweet love ,today it may seem, back then you so innocent, completely fresh to life and wounds and in life you were meant to succeed , me with my heart bound to our celestial memories from another time and space , with both soul and mind both of us aware of the fact that we never even were pieces at the feet of the rest of mankind .

Tell me did you also know and feel that we’ve been master and slave during battle a thousand of aeons ago? Were we actually both living on Terra, yet Counter –Earth, still living on Zeus' mother Gaia all this time? Was it you and I who actually found light in the depths of darkness, or were we the ones who created the deepest of dark in the brightest of lights? Were we both submitted to pain as pleasure as pleasure as pain as the world around us turned, even before?

Even in an era were I hadn’t been so totally shred to pieces from the hand of vicious men and women from so long ago when Mrs. and Mr. had gone away leaving me to live alone with my teddy bear ,shut down in the grounds of a suppressing surreal castle, built for me ,meant for me to learn the orbits of every star and quark, raise myself, teach myself, discipline myself, after had been so thoroughly disciplined back in the illusion of a former communists own childhood looking at the window, knowing that that window was never meant to open or let any light in, merely show the punished child what she would never get and never feel, never see and how it might have felt to breathe outside the boiling hot water underneath, in the bathtub.

Even in an era where you weren’t the youngest of boys and the eldest of girls, the one whose close ones kept him directly to the light 24/7 in the window I was sworn never to reach, were you had as many supervisors, making sure you were never unhappy, as I had had beaters and bullies, hitters, punishers and soul violators.

In an era where I was protected and you neglected, did I still yearn for pain and you to onslaught me? Did I still plead for you to oppress your power upon me, did I even back then prey for you to inflict physical pain upon my body and in my head?

Did you just one day back then, in that reversed era of ours still stop caring about pain and suffer and strive upwards to the sun and freedom? Did I throw my liberty away and implored you to leash me and tighten the ropes around my wrists so that I would feel helpless and so that I would bleed? Did you create your own empire with your captivated hands ,were you once the one being captivated and one day you just refused to be the leashed one and commanded for your unleashing? Was I the one breaking you free in order to switch places with you?

Did I beg you to hurt me, even back then, when I might’ve been the cherished and loved and appreciated one, did I still ask you to abuse and humiliate me? Even then Daniel? Even when you were the harsh one, the rough and inconvenient one? When you were the one misjudged and mislead, the one who had been thought to appreciate suffer and inferiority?

Or is it just in this world that it works like that? Is it only here on earth that I choose you to be my Master and I beg of you to take me as your slave forever? Is it only in this life that we commit to each other like this? Is it because of my environment?

Do you know how wrong I feel when I feel right? Do you know what I feel when you strike me? How much I regret that I asked you to throw your innocence away and live condemned to be the eternal ruler of me, to be the father I never had, the mother I wished I had had, the teacher I always longed for and the lover I lust for, the protector, the best friend I never had, my big brother, myself of the opposite sex who comes to take care of the little girl that no one ever nor bothered to care for or just didn’t have the time and power for the task.

I feel so much guilt for putting that responsibility on you, I know it is hard for you especially since you’re the pacifist of everything number one and that your eyes always tell us and everyone else the truth, that you couldn’t bare to raise a tone or hurt a fly if you could chose.

Now. All of a sudden you’re asked to rule over me with gloves made of iron, when you had never seen or felt real violence … and I thank you for that Master, I thank you for taking care of me and that you decided to put me back together and for telling me that from now on, no one will ever hurt me any more and no one will ever touch me any more, except for you, and that when you will do it ,you’ll never do it without my permission.

Thank you for telling me that you will have children with me once I am healed and that you will never break down yourself and that you will never hurt them or me and that you will always be there for us and that we will give them the life and future we never had and we always will have. Thank you master for your chains are bound around my heart binding me to yours. I am yours.


SilverGhost