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Fullmoon_Sagashite123 Vice Captain
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 Posted: Wed Jul 30, 2008 10:00 am
Characters:
-Freedert
-Elliot
-Phillip
-Toki No Byoushin (Second Hand of Time) *Think of her as their God
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Posted: Wed Jul 30, 2008 10:12 am
I expect most of the comments to be put in the criticism forum because after reading it through, I realized that the story goes a little too fast. To me, it's more like reading an instruction manual. It's not "flowy"...more like "choppy" and to the point. Any suggestions? Please put it in the criticism forum. Thank you!
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Fullmoon_Sagashite123 Vice Captain
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Fullmoon_Sagashite123 Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 8:16 am
Wow... I must be a terrible writer because it took me so long to write those blue sentences.
I think I'm going to add in Phillip's perspective after this one.
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Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 8:30 am
HERE GOES MY ATTEMPT TO EDIT IT!
Note: This story goes on with the perspectives of different characters.
Freedert
It was the time of day where the sun began to fall under the horizon. The type of day where the ground was still wet from heaven’s tears. Drop after drop, rain relentlessly clung onto crimson Mommiji leaves as war’s grief hung over the town like grey, thunderous clouds and struck the citizens with anxiety.
I watched my beloved Elliot ride off towards the setting sun on his noble white horse with his silver armour glinting in the evening light. On him, he had a sword on one side, the rein in one hand, and a promise in the other-the promise of return. From this moment, I yearned for time to stop so that my starving eyes would cherish every feature of Elliot. From his light brown hair flowing with the wind to his deep blue eyes which sparkled with the setting sun. I yearned for the clocks to stop ticking so that war would be nonexistent. However time will continue moving on regardless of whether or not you would like to move along with it, just as the Earth will continue rotating. I let my selfishness and greed of him takeover, but I realized that this was all because of fear itself…
**********
Kyle, Elliot and I were the best of friends since childhood. We played together; we laughed together; we grew up together. Our childhood memories were priceless and irreplaceable. Our friendship lasted so long that I myself cannot recount the number of times that we had reconciled. This bond that the three of us shared was like a wedding ring forged into the finger. However, it was later on in our lives that Elliot and I felt a bond much stronger and deeper than friendship. It was because of this that the villagers disapproved of us being together, for we were of different social statuses.
Because I was the pauper, they jokingly called me a “witch” for possessing the prince. They gossiped, “How is it possible for such a poor lady to capture the heart of a noble man?” The villagers said that my love for him would interfere with his royal duties, and that the town would fall into corruption. Though they did not mean it, sometimes during those uncomfortable nights where one couldn’t sleep, the word “witch…witch” would ring around in my head. At night, I would dream of myself wearing a black dress with my hands tied back, searing in pain. I would be screaming with all my might but only to have silence come out of my mouth. In this nightmare, Elliot would reach out his hand to me, only to have the villagers pull him away. The fire for the burning would come closer and closer, introducing to me "Death". It is then that I would always wake up with a jerk, tears streaming down my face and my fingernails dug into the skin of my wrists. Then realize that, that would explain the "searing pain in my wrists".
It is truly weird how something that you don’t really seem to mind actually really bothers you in your dreams. I still wonder to myself, “Have I committed a crime in my past life?” I laugh at the thought and replace it with "I think too much."
Elliot
As I looked out my tent, the night sky only lit by the silver luster of the moon and the fire of the stars were the only beings that possessed beauty in this tainted battlefield. Serenity and elegance were introduced back into my life after days of harsh labour.
I stepped out of my tent to notice Phillip crouched over a fire. A bit surprised by my exit, he quickly looked over his shoulder in my direction and meekly smiled.
“How are you?”, I worriedly asked.
With his deep brown hair matted across his forehead, he weakly answered,” Just a little tired…”
I slapped him on the back and said with reassurance, “Well, get well soon because Freedert and I need you back home. I mean, what’s a marriage without a Best Man?”
Phillip must have been greatly surprised because he stumbled back and choked, "WHAT?"
*I ended up turning it from a fairytale into a sort of dark witch-like story. NOOO... I will let it progress back into the fairytale like state which it was supposed to begin with.
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Fullmoon_Sagashite123 Vice Captain
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Fullmoon_Sagashite123 Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Aug 04, 2009 12:08 pm
Philip
After suddenly hearing about a marriage, I choked on my own saliva. So many emotions were running through my heart. I didn't know what to feel. Lightness filled my heart after feeling happy for my dear friends, but anger surged through my veins from jealousy.
I whispered to myself, "Freedert, do you really love him that much?"
I quickly got up from my seat and put my hands on Elliot's shoulders. "We'll see."
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Posted: Wed Dec 09, 2009 7:46 pm
Freedert
Months must have passed because I am finding myself on my knees at the local church praying to the Second Hand of Time to bring Elliot and Phillip back home. They must protect the country, but I am selfish.
I walk back home to see in my notebook that only a week has passed.
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Fullmoon_Sagashite123 Vice Captain
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