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 Posted: Tue Jul 29, 2008 10:55 pm
I'm not sure which category this would fit under. I dont think it's very good but I really needed to write this and its still not all out. Need some support on this one friends. Also feel free to comment and critique.
Beautiful Porcelain
I saw a figurine, dark eyed and beautiful.
Her face fixed in a happy thought.
I prayed that if I kissed her she’d dance for me.
Dance away my fears. Dance away my sorrows.
Beautiful porcelain, I see you in the light.
How do you keep so clean?
A perfect smile glimmers in the night.
I wondered if it was a dream.
I wish it were my hands that made her.
If I could just gather dust on the same shelf,
Maybe we could dance together.
Dance away the years. Dance away tomorrow.
Beautiful porcelain, I see you in the light.
How do you keep so clean?
A perfect smile glimmers in the night.
I wondered if it was a dream.
The years fade away and we begin to crumble.
The dance is still young in my mind.
Beautiful porcelain, you’re still beautiful to me.
Will you dance away one last tear? Can your hand I once more borrow?
Beautiful porcelain, I see you in the light.
How do you keep so clean?
A perfect smile glimmers in the night.
I wondered if it was a dream.
I saw a figurine, dark eyed and beautiful.
Her face fixed in a happy thought.
I prayed that if I kissed her she’d dance for me.
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Posted: Thu Jul 31, 2008 11:17 pm
This is so pretty(for serious lack of a better word).
I really like how you used the repitition. I think despite the fact that it has a rythm to it that it is a poem, just a musical one. 3nodding
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Posted: Fri Aug 01, 2008 12:31 am
I agree with Taki. It's really nicely done, and I like how it has like a musical ring to it when you repeat the second stanza as the fouth and sixth. Some of it sounds a bit repetitive, but it's possible you intended to do that as part of the style. I like it. Keep going!
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Posted: Fri Aug 01, 2008 10:33 am
Hey Taki ^.^
Yeah, I agree that it's more of a poem due to the lack of flow that a song needs. But yes the repetition is somewhat melodic, as intended. Thanks smile
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Posted: Mon Aug 04, 2008 11:44 pm
Scazarith Hey Taki ^.^ Yeah, I agree that it's more of a poem due to the lack of flow that a song needs. But yes the repetition is somewhat melodic, as intended. Thanks smile
Yup.
Excellent job Sempai. 3nodding
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