I feel like I need help, and I don't know who to turn to. Kind of sad.
It's about Brian. Who by the way is still my ex.
Okay. I don't know what to do anymore. Honestly. Physically I'm over him. Like I can do whatever and not feel bad about it. I've even started talking to more boys. Is that just a cover up? Am I just doing it to keep my mind off of him? Probably. And I keep telling myself that I'm over him. He was a jerk.
He couldn't even dump me on his own. Honestly, what kind of person can't do that. He's a coward. Then a week later he goes out with a 15 year old. He is turning 18 in less than a month.
It ******** sucks. I mean, I get dumped and then he goes out with someone younger? What does that say about me? I guess I wasn't good enough for him. It makes me on the verge of tears to even think that he went for some TEENYBOPPER who is 15 and lives more than half an hour away.
I know I wasn't a good person. I'm a man eater. I am. I am so demanding and I basically rip people apart. Oh. And that chick. Only met her twice. What. The. ********. It makes me rethink our relationship. It really does. I guess he wasn't serious in his promises to be with me forever. It seems that way.
And I honestly don't know why I am getting so emotional about it. I mean YES I have been with him for ALMOST THREE YEARS, but I am emotionally vacant usually. So much stuff has happened in my life that I just don't care. I have been abused by my mother who up and left my family almost 7 years ago, that left me totally numb in the whole emotion department. Being told that you were worthless kind of gets to you after the 3279873298 time you heard it. Anyways. Stuff like that doesn't get to me. I just doesn't. I distance myself from people for exactly that reason. I will always have some sort of wall up when talking to people. i hate being disappointed. I hate being let down. I hate being left alone. But with Brian, I don't know. I thought I could trust him. He told me I could, and I believed him. It's so stupid.
In the back of my head I knew. I knew he was going to leave me. He kept telling me not to worry. That he would always be there for me. I'm so stupid.
To make a point. I am physically over him. I am. But emotionally, I still have that feeling in the bottom of my stomach. You know the one that things are still unsettled and... I don't know. I have been having dreams about him. I wake up crying because in my dreams we're together. I'm so bad at getting over someone. I don't know what to do TRP. I don't.
I try to keep thinking of the positive. Even if we never get back together, there are still some fish in the sea. My best friend always jokes with me that there are plenty out there all wearing speedos.
[I used that when she got dumped, and now she used it on me].
I don't know what to do.
I keep thinking to myself that the relationship wouldn't have lasted anyways. He wants to get into psychology and I want to get into medicine.
After I graduate I'm going to a pre-med school and he is going to a community college. We wouldn't see each other. & he would just slow me down on reaching the top. It makes me sad. He was my everything. He really was.
Then he changed one day. And now we're not together.
What should I do TRP? Any advice? Any helpful tips? Anything? I'm crying because I'm so sad you guys. :[
He really got to me. And I have yet to move on.
HALP!
EDITEDIT: Oh. And I began to start eating again. Barely, but at least there is something in my body. I didn't eat for like two weeks. Anything I put in my mouth I had to throw up.
I threw up because I had a wicked empty stomach. Stomach bile tastes dis.gus.ting.
It's about Brian. Who by the way is still my ex.
Okay. I don't know what to do anymore. Honestly. Physically I'm over him. Like I can do whatever and not feel bad about it. I've even started talking to more boys. Is that just a cover up? Am I just doing it to keep my mind off of him? Probably. And I keep telling myself that I'm over him. He was a jerk.
He couldn't even dump me on his own. Honestly, what kind of person can't do that. He's a coward. Then a week later he goes out with a 15 year old. He is turning 18 in less than a month.
It ******** sucks. I mean, I get dumped and then he goes out with someone younger? What does that say about me? I guess I wasn't good enough for him. It makes me on the verge of tears to even think that he went for some TEENYBOPPER who is 15 and lives more than half an hour away.
I know I wasn't a good person. I'm a man eater. I am. I am so demanding and I basically rip people apart. Oh. And that chick. Only met her twice. What. The. ********. It makes me rethink our relationship. It really does. I guess he wasn't serious in his promises to be with me forever. It seems that way.
And I honestly don't know why I am getting so emotional about it. I mean YES I have been with him for ALMOST THREE YEARS, but I am emotionally vacant usually. So much stuff has happened in my life that I just don't care. I have been abused by my mother who up and left my family almost 7 years ago, that left me totally numb in the whole emotion department. Being told that you were worthless kind of gets to you after the 3279873298 time you heard it. Anyways. Stuff like that doesn't get to me. I just doesn't. I distance myself from people for exactly that reason. I will always have some sort of wall up when talking to people. i hate being disappointed. I hate being let down. I hate being left alone. But with Brian, I don't know. I thought I could trust him. He told me I could, and I believed him. It's so stupid.
In the back of my head I knew. I knew he was going to leave me. He kept telling me not to worry. That he would always be there for me. I'm so stupid.
To make a point. I am physically over him. I am. But emotionally, I still have that feeling in the bottom of my stomach. You know the one that things are still unsettled and... I don't know. I have been having dreams about him. I wake up crying because in my dreams we're together. I'm so bad at getting over someone. I don't know what to do TRP. I don't.
I try to keep thinking of the positive. Even if we never get back together, there are still some fish in the sea. My best friend always jokes with me that there are plenty out there all wearing speedos.
[I used that when she got dumped, and now she used it on me].
I don't know what to do.
I keep thinking to myself that the relationship wouldn't have lasted anyways. He wants to get into psychology and I want to get into medicine.
After I graduate I'm going to a pre-med school and he is going to a community college. We wouldn't see each other. & he would just slow me down on reaching the top. It makes me sad. He was my everything. He really was.
Then he changed one day. And now we're not together.
What should I do TRP? Any advice? Any helpful tips? Anything? I'm crying because I'm so sad you guys. :[
He really got to me. And I have yet to move on.
HALP!
EDITEDIT: Oh. And I began to start eating again. Barely, but at least there is something in my body. I didn't eat for like two weeks. Anything I put in my mouth I had to throw up.
I threw up because I had a wicked empty stomach. Stomach bile tastes dis.gus.ting.
