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 Posted: Mon Jul 28, 2008 7:24 pm
Tainted By a Hungry Thirst
What if I’m not super man?
What if I’m not who you think I am?
More dangerous to you than any other,
I try to push you away but
Only manage to pull you closer.
Love tainted by a hungry thirst
Is no love that you deserve,
Sweetly scented with a taste to match
This selfishness isn’t fair to you
This is one love that shouldn’t last.
Nothing stops the want for you
One want as strong as the next
But one always in the back of my mind
The only thing keeping it at bay
Is the sight of your pretty face
Do that thing again
Let me see the blood rush too your cheeks
An all too human gesture
A response to when our lips meet.
What I wouldn’t give to keep it there
But I can see Eternal damnation in your stare
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Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 8:39 pm
It was really good until the last stanza. It didn't quite fit to me. Other than that, you did a really good job. Kudos to you!!!!! 3nodding
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Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 8:21 pm
the last stanza was rather random lol...
i just couldn't bring myself to get rid of it though.
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Posted: Sat Aug 09, 2008 12:38 pm
sounds kind of "lustful"
I'm not exactly sure what to think of it (It's not my particular genre)
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Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2008 10:03 pm
It confused me at first. It seemed like there might be a rhyme scheme, then the rhymes disappeared...threw me off for a bit.
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