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Reply Poetry and Lyricism
I Love You

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Isianya

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PostPosted: Wed Jul 09, 2008 4:38 pm


My best friend and I were playing around, trying to get each other to write something. I gave him a prompt. He gave me the prompt "I love you." This is what happened:

Skin on my skin,
flesh against flesh,
set my soul afire
with your sin.
Breathe into me your faults
and I’ll make them mine.
We are one now:
Two souls forever entwined

Skin on my skin,
flesh against flesh,
awaken in me that carnal desire
that lies deep within.
Kiss me again
and tell me I’m yours.
I’ll bend to your will
and adore you all the more.

Skin on my skin,
flesh against flesh,
whisper in my ear.
Tell me those words
and I’ll tell you too.
Look into my eyes
and tell me
“I love you.”


Oh, and, as I told my best friend, this is totally fiction. As in, this is not based on any actual events. Just clarifying.
PostPosted: Wed Jul 09, 2008 5:18 pm


Two things:
Woohoo sex.
And.
This reads like a dark incantation.

Xahmen
Vice Captain


Isianya

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PostPosted: Wed Jul 09, 2008 5:33 pm


I don't know if I'd actually use "sex" to describe it...
It has such a raunchy, negative connotation, you know?
It's more like... intimacy.
Just being with another person in one moment,
and knowing you're the only one that matters in that moment...
But I can admit that it does allude to that.

Dark incantation, hm?
I definitely didn't intend for that. :/
But my understanding of poetry is very basic.
As in, a specific rhyme scheme and meter.
So I guess that's why its like that.
PostPosted: Wed Jul 09, 2008 5:49 pm


Ah.
Well, I didn't mean any of that in a bad way.
But I dunno, that very first stanza is pretty freakin' sexy.

Xahmen
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Isianya

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PostPosted: Wed Jul 09, 2008 6:20 pm


Well,
thank you for your insight.
I'll try to watch my word choice next time
to convey the message I want to convey.

I don't think I've ever had a portion of my work called
"pretty freakin' sexy" before.
I feel special! ^-^
PostPosted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 8:05 am


I agree with Zahmen. I liked your word choice here.

KirbyVictorious


KelpMonger

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 11, 2008 5:10 pm


Wow, it's much different from what I guess most people would get from just I love you...

It almost seem to have a rhyme scheme, albeit a strange one, until the last stanza :
a b c a d e f e

Oh, and great poem by the way mrgreen  
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Poetry and Lyricism

 
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