|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sun Sep 18, 2005 10:34 am
I'm almost 16 and I've never had a boyfriend/dated/been asked out. I'm slowly drowning in low self-esteem because of it, and I don't think I'm very unattractive. Here's a picture of me so you can see for yourself. Clicky to see me. Anyway, because I've never had a boyfriend, I've been a target of lots of negative attention, such as lesbian comments. I don't have a problem with homosexuals, but I do not like being labeled as something I am not. Everytime I ask a guy out, theres always some kind of excuse. I asked my friend Alex out and he only said "Sorry... It's not you. It's me." Last year I tried to ask someone out, he said "Sorry, but we can't date because you watch anime." And the year before that, I asked my friend jason to the semi-formal, as FRIENDS ><, and he said yes but later that week he changed his mind because his friend Jeff talked him out of it... I don't know what's wrong with me, it's like I have the pleague or something... Any advice?
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Sep 18, 2005 10:47 am
The only advice I can give you is give it time. I know it sucks but just keep doing what you are doing. Finding the right guy isn't easy and you are doing all the right things. Keep asking guys out. If I hadn't have asked my fiance out we would not be together today. The right guys will come along. Just keep at it.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Sep 18, 2005 10:49 am
You just haven't found the right guy for you yet. Give it some time n_n I know someone who's 18 and never had a boyfriend. Things are different for people. All I could say is, hope you go to a new school or new people go to yours so you can meet more people. Try to get around, y'know? Go to a coffee place, or an arcade often, try to meet a guy, see if he's a regular.
Or.. something ^^;
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Sep 18, 2005 10:56 am
I will say first that there is nothing wrong with being 16 and not having a boyfriend, or not having been kissed yet. I didn't get my first boyfriend until I was 16, and I wasn't kissed until I was 17 (with the same guy).
Regarding your picture, although your eyes are closed in the picture, I think you're very pretty. biggrin *likes your hair*
There's nothing I can advise you to do about the insults except ignore them. People who don't have anything better to do to someone except insult them are pathetic. I was never specifically picked on when I was your age, I just didn't have a boyfriend because I was overweight and wore black a lot, or so I'm guessing. My first boyfriend was a friend of mine whom I'd grown up with as a child, so it wasn't like I was dating someone I barely knew, which helped.
But yeah, ignore the insults. If they're bad enough, talk to your principal/teacher and see if you can file a report for harassment.
In my later years of high school, especially grade 12, I got called a lot of things like a lesbian (with one of my best friends), a goth, a goody-two-shoes, etc. I just ignored it or laughed it off - I knew the truth, that I was none of those things, so what did it matter if other people thought that of me?
Maybe the guys you're asking aren't ready for dating, or don't see you as a girlfriend (like they just think of you as a friend). And regarding that one guy who you asked to the semi-formal, if he was talked out of going with you just because his friend said so, he doesn't sound like he was worth it in the first place. Same goes for the person who said he "couldn't date you because you liked anime". scream That's BS, and shows how stupid and immature he is. Don't worry about him, he wasn't worth it.
Maybe try asking someone in one of your classes, or make new friends and ask one of them.
I mean it's not the end of the world if you don't have a boyfriend now, but if you want to try getting one, then expand your views a little bit. Meet new people, maybe go after someone you might not normally date, etc.
That's all I can think of for now, sorry. whee
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Sep 18, 2005 11:14 am
Thanks, this really helps a lot. I did have my hopes up with Alex and I was hoping we'd be the next band couple. [He plays the cymbols and I play the clarinet in our school's marching band.] My friends say that we look like the perfect couple, and my friend Bethany told me to just give it time and he'd come around, but I've been having a lot of doubts lately.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Sep 18, 2005 1:04 pm
Yen the White Mage Thanks, this really helps a lot. I did have my hopes up with Alex and I was hoping we'd be the next band couple. [He plays the cymbols and I play the clarinet in our school's marching band.] My friends say that we look like the perfect couple, and my friend Bethany told me to just give it time and he'd come around, but I've been having a lot of doubts lately. Well, it's up to you. If you're having doubts, there's no reason you have to ask him out, just because everyone thinks you look like the perfect couple. If you want to ask him out, you should probably do it because YOU want to. smile And if you don't want to, then you don't have to.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Sep 18, 2005 1:54 pm
No, it's not that way at all. It's just that since band camp, we've been almost like glue because I wanted to get to know him better [I formed a silly crush on him in May and wanted to take it further], and he happily flirted back with me and I guess the other band members started to notice.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Sep 18, 2005 2:00 pm
Yen the White Mage No, it's not that way at all. It's just that since band camp, we've been almost like glue because I wanted to get to know him better [I formed a silly crush on him in May and wanted to take it further], and he happily flirted back with me and I guess the other band members started to notice. Oh ok, sorry then, my apologies for misunderstanding. whee
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Sep 18, 2005 2:08 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Sep 18, 2005 3:01 pm
I think you're very cute, and you really shouldn't worry.
I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 15, then when I learned some guy liked me and I found him okay, I went for it. It wasn't awesome, but it wasn't bad either. Since then, I got very close to another person during a summer but we barely saw each other. However, I've about a year ago met a wonderful man who has been able to make me the happiest (and saddest at times) girl on this planet.
Many of my friends still don't have a boyfriend, and they range between 16-18.
Don't fret about it, because the more you'll be anxious, the worse your first boyfriend will be. Don't forget to pick and choose when they come along.
And don't forget that someone may like you, or have liked you, and be too shy to talk to you. This happens a lot more often than you could imagine.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Sep 18, 2005 5:27 pm
It is perfectly normal to be 16 and not had a boy-friend. I didn't end up with my BF until I was nearly 18!
As to the issues with asking boys out. It sounds like the second two were just being immature, as is FAR too typicall among teen-age boys. (Another reason to not date until later on in your years.)
With Alex though, I have a feeling that he probably just wasn't expecting the question, and that he had only ever thought of you as a friend. That happened to me. I had a major crush on a guy, but I wasn't some one he wanted to date, though we did actually amange to work things out to become friends of a fashion, but nothing more.
I got the negative attention alot too. Most of my friends are female, and I was a 17 year-old with out a boy-friend... the first time some one asked (about my best-friend) "Is she your girl-friend?" I ended up staring at them rather perplexidly going... "Well... she's a girl and she's a friend...I'm confused!" Which put an end to that bit of questioning.
I usually found simply ignoring the person to be effective, that or politely disauding them of the notion. I have no problem with gay/lesbians and have friends who are so, but I'm not so it was putting me in an awkward position. I still wish I could give better advice on how to disuade people, but that's what worked for me.
Most of my adivice is to just have fun being you and not worry about having a boy-friend. One will come in time, probably when you are least expecting it. (Heck, that's what happened to me... I was quite content being single, actually looking forward to continuing being so and then BANG!!) Plus, IMO, waiting until you are a bit older gives the relationship a greater maturity level, which is important if you want it to last, and to have less of the drama that teen couples seem to be endlessly cycling though.
Hope that this give some reassurance.
~V
PS - I don't think you're unattractive at all, so I wouldn't worry on that front.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
