This is my story of how I felt gods forgivness,to the complete truth

I was always christian (and still are) I knew about god.well to get to the point I hated myself,because when my sister was younger our ads side of the family treated her diffrently from me,our mom and dad seperated when we were still little,they treated her diffrent by not sending cards on birthdays or even saying happy birthday.they would always find something to pick on her about.I believe they treat her like that because she speeks her mind and tells what she thinks.to get to the point i was younger around 8 my sister was about 6 she would tell me and i wouldent belive it
i didnt want to,but i had always felt wrong about not defending my sister
when she needed me.so i started hateing myself.I had a low self esteem other than that i would get picked on at school.before long i dint even try to dress nice because i felt ugly on the inside,and once you feel ugly on the inside it spreads to the outside.

I had friends but i started playing the victom,at the time i blamed them
for not talking to me,I also felt unworthy of god i never told anyone abot how i felt about anything.so i lived that way for 8 years.by the time i was 14 things got worse after all that time of feeling sorry formyself i thought i was about to explode.so one night i started praying i prayed so hard i cried,and cried until a big puttle of tears was on my bed.I had accepted jesus christ into my heart for the first time my whole body felt numb,i felt as if a big monkey has gotten off my shoulders.I started to change alttle
but i still did not like my self,(the devil kept on creeping back saying i was not forgiven)but i was a little happier it started to show i started getting friends,but then for some raeson the group i was hanging out with abandoned me.i had only 2 friends,then i met a girl dani i started talking to her (i did not tell her i hated myself,but i would blame myself alot.so she would say give yourself credit your i good person,over the phone she said im trying to figure out why you feel that way.sometimes when i got around the 3 friends i had i would say i have no friends feeling sorry for myself(that was probably like a slap to the face.

so i finally after all those years started talking to my mom.she said that she had also played the victom.thats when i finally relised what i had been doing for so long playing the VICTOM.i cried i felt so stupid other people go through harder things than me and i would feel sorry for myself,my mom said the devil comes into our hearts and plays that game to make us feel bad,thats also when i thought about the 3 friends i had and how they stuck with me threw that they never abndoned me like my other friends did and i said those mean things to them when they cared about me they were like my family.after 8 years of being the victom i finally forgave myself now i am much happier my apperance has changed to i have more confidence and my 3 friends i had forgave me.im happy i went through all that because it brought me closer to god.I am no longer playing the victom,i am a much happier person all thanks to god and his forgiveness.now i pray to god every day for pulling me out of that. biggrin