Welcome to Gaia! ::

Reply Poetry / Writing
Thoroughfare(C.C. needed)

Quick Reply

Enter both words below, separated by a space:

Can't read the text? Click here

Submit

The Oxford Comma

Dapper Citizen

7,200 Points
  • Conventioneer 300
  • Risky Lifestyle 100
  • Hygienic 200
PostPosted: Mon Jun 16, 2008 6:45 am


I’m walking
Alone.
The dark surrounds me
Hugging all my sides.
The rumble underneath my toes,
Pierces my feet
Yet, I continue.
The rain falls on my cheeks
Making the illusion of tears.
I scream ,
Cracking my speech from such loudness
Howbeit,
No one answers.
As the rain beats down harder,
My breathing truncates,
I’m drowning.
Here I walk,
Disintegrating as I go.
Who can save me from this demoralized state?
Or is this my true annihilation?
Until my questions can be answered.
I’ll walk until I know.

User Image
PostPosted: Mon Jun 16, 2008 6:46 am


About the Poem: This poem, I actually have no idea what to think of it. So I need help. I take any kinds of C.C. as long as it's reasonable.

The Oxford Comma

Dapper Citizen

7,200 Points
  • Conventioneer 300
  • Risky Lifestyle 100
  • Hygienic 200

Kitt Cloud
Crew

Questionable Genius

7,900 Points
  • Citizen 200
  • Friendly 100
  • Tycoon 200
PostPosted: Tue Jun 17, 2008 4:58 pm


It's good, but your other three poems seemed a bit stronger. This one had two grammatical errors that somewhat tripped me up as they were missing words. The forth to last line should read "Who can save me from this demoralized state?" and the third to last line should read: "Or is this my true annihilation?" Overall, though, a bit of tormented vagabond journey.
PostPosted: Tue Jun 17, 2008 8:24 pm


Kita Cloud
It's good, but your other three poems seemed a bit stronger. This one had two grammatical errors that somewhat tripped me up as they were missing words. The forth to last line should read "Who can save me from this demoralized state?" and the third to last line should read: "Or is this my true annihilation?" Overall, though, a bit of tormented vagabond journey.
Oh mys. How embarrassing. Thanks though. It shows that you truly read it. ^^''

The Oxford Comma

Dapper Citizen

7,200 Points
  • Conventioneer 300
  • Risky Lifestyle 100
  • Hygienic 200
Reply
Poetry / Writing

 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum