|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Mon Jun 02, 2008 11:54 am
Guardian
I will protect him.
This is not only my duty for society but my choice from my heart.
He is precious to me.
I loved him from the very start.
I watched him on the beach, standing by the waves,
supporting his comrades and having a distant gaze.
He seemed to notice a couple of times,
but I ran away, leaving him in a haze.
One day I decided to meet him and his friends.
I stood on the dock, waiting for him to notice.
The others I shrugged off, perfectly apathetic,
but when it got to him, I ran, having lost my boldness.
He ran after me after telling his friends,
and caught up to me, curious as ever.
I ran up, recognizing him, and made my vow.
“I will always be by your side,” I said after.
We fought side by side, and learned and loved
He helped me along in my life
I protected him from danger
and he took me in strife.
That night, the last hour, I didn't know what to do
I couldn't help him, I lost my meaning
But then we all ended up in the starry sky
Without him, and I started screaming.
He told us it's ok, he told us he's fine
And now he stares at me, laying in my lap
I begin to cry, remembering that night
And he comforted me, and took a nap.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jun 02, 2008 7:25 pm
I like these a lot... I was going to say you should break it up into stanzas and skake up your rhyme schemes, but as I got farther in to your work, I notice you did that as time passed. Very nice.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jun 03, 2008 9:27 am
Thanks! Here's another poem:
Condemned
She fell to the ground, crying and screaming
Why did you have to die?
She wanted to say this wasn't real
But then that would be a lie.
Her red hair cascaded over her shoulders
Tears streaming down her face
She thought that in her heart
He could never be replaced.
Her father lay there in his own blood
A shot to the chest that was fatal
She cried and cried over him
And there she began to crumble.
She still had a duty to serve
Why she was still going was unknown
Eventually she found her reason
Her father's wish must be known.
But every night under the yellow moon and green sky,
Where no one could see her but them
She would collapse and cry and cry
For this life she was condemned.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jun 03, 2008 9:08 pm
It's the attack of the poems!
Isolation
She slowly isolated herself
As the world slowed down around her
Eventually she just didn't care
She definitely knew this for sure.
Her only friends were on the web,
Her heart and soul at home,
But if you asked her how she feels,
She would say painfully alone.
But she doesn't try to open up
Back to the society from whence she came
Because in that society she was worse than now
She was deaf, cold, and lame.
She could be who she wanted
Always going to pretend
Never having any regrets
Never going to reprimand.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 1:08 pm
"Condemned" is one of my favorite pieces. I love the rhyme scheme.
Something I noticed when I read your work, it all makes sense, rhymes well, is broken up well into stanzas, but there's always something missing that I can't put my finger on.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 6:23 pm
LunarHybrid "Condemned" is one of my favorite pieces. I love the rhyme scheme.
Something I noticed when I read your work, it all makes sense, rhymes well, is broken up well into stanzas, but there's always something missing that I can't put my finger on. Yea, same... What is it... because if you can figure out what the heck we two crazies think is missing and put it in, you'll be absolutly unstopable...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2008 3:59 pm
Tried to find "the missing thing", which I think is meter. Tell me if it's true!
Loyal
He always stood beside us
He never left us alone
He didn't flaunt his power
He didn't take the throne.
His bravery was unrivaled
No one could stand a chance
His loyalty was perfect
You could tell at a glance
Now he lays here dying
If only we could say
How much you mean to us
You wouldn't go today.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2008 7:10 pm
YES! Meter. I knew it was something I should have recgognised.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 12:38 pm
I found it! heart Here's another poem, with meter:
How It Should Be
He drops to the ground, eyes ahead
All he can see is covered red
He knows it's his blood, dried on fast
He knows that tonight he won't last
He lies there in wait for his death
Any second he'll breathe his last breath
He looks down to see a bloody coat
He'll soon be surrounded in woe
His friends come screaming don't leave yet
He knows that with death he cannot bet
His eyes slide shut, he picks himself up
He says, This is how it should be,
Before falling to the ground.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 12:01 pm
Another poem!
End
They rush to the tower, going for the top
They rush up tonight, they know they can't stop
Running up the stairs, they see a known face
He tries to stop them but they show him his place.
They take a rest, they are almost now there
They watch the yellow moon when they know where
This was where they learned, where they were betrayed
When they learned that they were then being played
They get up and run, fervor now renewed
They knew this was coming but they continued
Running to their deaths and now life's last chance
They had to keep going as their souls now dance
They fight with ferocity, fight with all their might
But this beast they just can't seem to smite
It finally falls as the true test begins
One boy stands up, this battle he now makes amends
He goes inside to see the true beast, Nyx
As he defeats it, his whole life is mixed
He sees moments in time flash before his eyes
And he knew that very soon, he would die.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 11:15 am
Forgiven
This is how it should be
But that is how it is
This is why you left me
Because you know it is.
I can't forgive you
You've ripped my heart in two
But maybe if you help me
I'll forgive you too.
You said that you trust me
I couldn't even care
After you betrayed me
How much didn't you share?
I wonder as I stare up
Into that dark sky
But maybe if I jump
Then I will actually fly.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 11:19 am
Savior
I can fall and get up again.
I will not be defeated.
You can fight me, but I will win.
This will not be repeated.
The battle will ensue, but I will be the victor.
At the cost of my life, I will defeat you.
I will live to the day I promised for.
Then I will die, knowing I've stayed true.
Everyone will survive except I, the savior.
I will watch from my gate where I am the seal.
I will urge my friends to move on from heaven.
And they will move on with very much zeal.
So say your prayers as my blade slices you.
So try for redemption as you cry out in pain.
But no one will listen; they all believe in me.
And maybe before I die, I will be sane.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 8:34 pm
I haven't read half of what you've written yet, but I have to stop and comment. I already love how you relate your characters. (Regret, Someday, Nightmares) It draws me in, helps me relate, but is so heartbreaking at the same time.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
