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 Posted: Sun Jun 01, 2008 11:30 am
so... as some of you may remember, i wrote christian lyrics.. well... now i have an active band YAY JESUS! lol. and we're writing worship songs, at least attempting it. tell me what you think. this one is more of a cry for help. it's a new one i'm toying with.
My Curse:
(verse 1) I feel so far away
Haunted by these sins
I can't get away
I can feel them ripping within
Tearing they're way out of my chest
Draw me near
Please don't give up on me
Give me a peace within
And save me from myself
(chorus) Draw me close
Bring me to the throne
You are all i need
And I Can't do this on my own
Please, draw me near
Never let me go
Save me from myself
And heal me of this curse
(verse 2) Consume me
and save me from myself
If i could just touch you
Let me know you're here
'Cause you're all i need
And Only you could possibly satisfy
I can't do this on my own
and only you will suffice
Please dont give up on me
(chorus) Draw me close
Bring me to the throne
You are all i need
And I Can't do this on my own
Please, draw me near
Never let me go
Save me from myself
And heal me of this curse
like any song, it can be manipulated with the amount of times the chorus or the verses are used... so what you think?
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Posted: Sun Jun 01, 2008 5:02 pm
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Posted: Sun Jun 01, 2008 6:16 pm
thanks, it's called My Curse... guess i should have put that in there. I'm prolly gonna go back nd make it more of a worship song or w/e...
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Posted: Sun Jun 01, 2008 6:21 pm
thrashmetaljunkie thanks, it's called My Curse... guess i should have put that in there. I'm prolly gonna go back nd make it more of a worship song or w/e...
Yeah, I suppose the title should be in there.
Also, in your first verse, what about "I feel so far away" not "you feel so far away" 'cause aren't you talking about yourself being far away from God, not God being far away from you?
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Posted: Sun Jun 01, 2008 7:13 pm
yea, thanks, i changed it. i think i meant to put that put accidently put "you" in there ><
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Posted: Tue Jun 03, 2008 7:03 am
Oh, by the way, it's not tearing it's way, it's tearing its way.
It's = it is. Its= possesive form of it.
biggrin
Other than that, this song is pretty nice. But, in verse one, since you've established sins as plural, you might want to say I can feel them ripping within/ tearing their way out of my chest instead of using a singular pronoun. It makes it more clear what you mean by "it."
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Posted: Tue Jun 03, 2008 1:59 pm
Berezi Oh, by the way, it's not tearing it's way, it's tearing its way. It's = it is. Its= possesive form of it. biggrin Other than that, this song is pretty nice. But, in verse one, since you've established sins as plural, you might want to say I can feel them ripping within/ tearing their way out of my chest instead of using a singular pronoun. It makes it more clear what you mean by "it." lol, thanks. my band and i go bout doing that after i write it, lol. i'll change it to make you feel better. lol. jk. but i will change it
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Posted: Tue Jun 03, 2008 2:15 pm
3nodding I like it. Good luck to you and your band.
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Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 9:24 pm
thrashmetaljunkie Berezi Oh, by the way, it's not tearing it's way, it's tearing its way. It's = it is. Its= possesive form of it. biggrin Other than that, this song is pretty nice. But, in verse one, since you've established sins as plural, you might want to say I can feel them ripping within/ tearing their way out of my chest instead of using a singular pronoun. It makes it more clear what you mean by "it." lol, thanks. my band and i go bout doing that after i write it, lol. i'll change it to make you feel better. lol. jk. but i will change it XD LoL. I do like it a lot, though. It's really profound.
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Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 4:10 pm
That's pretty good, dude. I like it a lot. I've tried to write songs in the past and I'm not good at it whatsoever. I'm told that I'm good at writing short poems, though.
Here are a few, I don't name them, though.
Your love is my warmth in the winter
And my comfort in the summer
It's everything that keeps me, me
And makes me everything You want me to be
--------------------------------------------------------
Jesus Christ
You are my strength when I have none
My understanding when I need some
My friend when there are none
My love when there is none
Lord, You are my everything
--------------------------------------------------------
I know that there is so much in this world that can bring me down
But I know that You will make me happy again
I'm sorry that I become angry and do things I know I shouldn't do
And I thank You for Your forgiveness and understanding
I will always try to do what You want me too
And always thank You for helping me through life
--------------------------------------------------------
I love You with all my heart and soul
Thank You for all that you have done
Please accept me
For I cannot live without You
--------------------------------------------------------
We know that You have died for our sins
And for that, we live for You
And to this very day, You forgive us
Of the sins we still commit
It's terrible how often we fail You
Yet amazing how You forgive us
Tell me what you think please.
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