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"Maybe Next Year" [CRITIQUE PLEASE]

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Willow--Rosenburg

PostPosted: Wed May 07, 2008 8:15 am


Note: I wrote this right after "Doomsday" and I was lamenting the loss of Rose but still being realistic about it. Written like a screenplay (maybe comic later).

INT. TORCHWOOD ONE, CANARY WHARF, LOBBY - DAY

JIMMY is a new employee at Torchwood One in London and this is his first day at his new job as R&D WHIPPING BOY. He is a fairly young man of 28 with degree in quantam mechanics. AMBER is the certified trainer meeting him in the lobby to get him familiarised with his new workplace. She is head of quantum R&D with doctorates in various fields. Amber is in her early 30s...again.

JIMMY
(approaching security)
I'm looking for Miss Saks, please?

AMBER
Jimmy Roberts?
(looks at watch)
Late on the first day, the boss won't like that. I suggest you don't make a habit of it.

JIMMY
N-no ma'am, i-it won't happen again. Its just-

AMBER
Just follow me, Mister Roberts.

Amber walks towards a door off to the side marked SECURITY - MAIN OFFICE, Jimmy hurries to catch up.

INT. TORCHWOOD ONE, CANARY WHARF, SECURITY OFFICE - DAY

Amber leads Jimmy to the desk in the back. Sitting at the desk is BATES, a security guard relatively bored with his work. He winces at the sight of Amber.

AMBER
(to Bates)
I need biometric and retinal scans recorded for Mister James Harold Roberts, security clearance level Epsilon.

Bates nods and turns to Jimmy.

BATES
I need forms 1136-64-B; 2145-12-A, B, and C; and 9171-72-E. I assume you followed our instructions and fulled out each form in triplicate.

JIMMY
(struggling to gather papers)
Y-yes, sir. Just one moment.

AMBER
Hurry up! I haven't got all day!

Jimmy hands forms to Bates. Bates looks over the forms.

BATES
(satisfied)
Step over here, please.

Bates places Jimmy's hand on a scaner, then shines a glorified penlight in his eye. After a few moments an ID prints out. Bates hands this to Jimmy.

BATES
"Security clearance level Epsilon." Access to quantam research and devolopment, employee cafeteria, and non-hazardous storage vault level one. Welcome to Torchwood, Mister Roberts.

AMBER
(ushering Jimmy off)
Let's go, Roberts.

They leave.

BATES
(falsetto)
Why, thank you, Mister Bates.
(normal)
You're welcome, Miss Saks. Tch. Doesn't anyone around here have any manners?

INT. TORCHWOOD ONE, CANARY WHARF, LOBBY - DAY

Amber hurries Jimmy to the lifts. Once inside, she pushes the button for Floor 5 and has the lift scan her retina. The lift waits for Jimmy.

AMBER
Well, go on then! Sitck your eye in the laser!

JIMMY
Oh! Right!

Jimmy has the lift scan his retina and the lift heads up. Jimmy can't help but notice that there was a number plaque for Floor 30 but no elevator button; but he doesn't say anything.

INT. TORCHWOOD ONE, CANARY WHARF, FLOOR FIVE - DAY

Amber and Jimmy step from the lift.

AMBER
(sighing, quickly)
Right, then. The Torchwood Institute was founded to protect the British Empire from extraterrestrial threats -

JIMMY
The British what?

AMBER
The British Empire, do try to keep up, Roberts.
(continuing, quickly and sneering)
Up until the Cybermen uprising we had taken all our technology by force. But under new leadership put in place last year our primary focus has been understanding what we have, extracting beneficial technologies, and creating devices suitable for civilian use. We only aquire new technologies through diplomatic relations with other species. Did you follow all that, Roberts?

JIMMY
Yes, ma'am.

AMBER
Good. Here we are. Your new office.

Amber shows Jimmy into a two-person office. Another girl, SUZETTE CAMM shares the office with him. She is young and enthusiastic about her job.

SUZETTE
Jimmy Roberts? I'm Sue Camm. I'll be your research partner.

JIMMY
(shakes hand)
Pleasure.

AMBER
Since you two have a lot to work on I'll be getting back to my office.

Amber leaves.

SUZETTE
Work, yeah right. All she ever does is supervise.

JIMMY
She's like that with everyone?

SUZETTE
Oh, yeah. Amber's been here since before the Cybermen uprising. She doesn't like the new management.

JIMMY
And what do you think of the "new management?"

SUZETTE
Oh, I love 'er. Never seen another human so knowledgable about how to properly deal with aliens.

JIMMY
I see.

SUZETTE
So, what'cha wanna know about the inner workings of the Torchwood Institute, Jimmy Roberts?

JIMMY
(thinking)
Well, for starters, there was a button missing from the lift.

SUZETTE
Floor 30?
(Jimmy nods)
Cut right to the tough questions, yeah? You'll do great here.
(beat)
Floor 30 is out of bounds.

JIMMY
How d'you mean?

SUZETTE
It's just out of bounds, pure and simple. Not even level Alphas can gain access. No one knows what's up there save for the boss...

INT. TORCHWOOD ONE, CANARY WHARF, FLOOR 30 - DAY

SUZETTE (V.O.)
An' she's not telling a soul.

A big, dark, dusty, and dilapidated room. Vent pipes and wires hang from the ceiling. On one wall is an office, the other is blank. Two worksite lamps are positioned facing the blank wall. They are turned on from somewhere off-screen. A lone, female figure walks in front of the camera and picks up a small disc from the table. As of yet, we can't make out her features. She blows some dust off the disc and holds it to her chest. She takes a deep breath and pounds on it. She disappears in a mass of energy.

When the figure reappears she is in a similar room but this one is clean and brightly lit. A footstep is heard from off screen.

MALE VOICE
Rose...

ROSE TYLER spins in excitement and tears up at the sight of the DOCTOR standing on the other side of the room in front of his TARDIS.

ROSE
Doctor!

Rose runs to and kisses the Doctor. They go into the TARDIS.

INT. TARDIS CONSOLE ROOM - DAY

The Doctor is firing up the TARDIS and Rose is standing nearby, grinning and crying at the same time. The Doctor finishes and looks at her.

ROSE
(embracing him)
I've missed you so much!

DOCTOR
I know. I've missed you, too.

ROSE
I love you.

DOCTOR
Rose Tyler, I-

INT. TORCHWOOD ONE, CANARY WHARF, FLOOR 30 - DAY

Rose lets out the breath she was holding. She never left the alternate reality. A single tear runs down her cheek. She sighs and puts the disc down again in dissapointment.

ROSE
Maybe next year...

INT. TARDIS CONSOLE ROOM - DAY

The Doctor stands at the console, staring at the monitor. After a moment he sighs dejectedly.

DOCTOR
Maybe next year...

MARTHA JONES looks at him, puzzled. She didn't quite hear what he said.

MARTHA
What'dya say, Doctor? What is it?

DOCTOR
(inhaling)
Aw, it's not important. Just a little blip. Come on, just gotta make a quick stop and we're off.

EXT. CARDIFF CITY CENTRE - DAY

The TARDIS materialises on top of the rift.

THE END
PostPosted: Thu May 08, 2008 8:31 am


Soooo...what'cha think?

Willow--Rosenburg


Willow--Rosenburg

PostPosted: Mon May 12, 2008 7:27 am


*crickets* Does anybody even haunt this forum, anyway? >.<;
PostPosted: Mon May 19, 2008 12:18 pm


I liked it ... a follow-up or more would be brilliant biggrin

reTARDIS


Willow--Rosenburg

PostPosted: Wed May 21, 2008 12:45 pm


reTARDIS
I liked it ... a follow-up or more would be brilliant biggrin

Really? Wow, I only ever meant it to be a bit of an in-between story that only lightly explores some of the AU. Guess I did something right then? XD
PostPosted: Sat Sep 13, 2008 10:33 am


Aw... thats really cute... Just wondering... What did you think of Journey's End?

Leadr-of-d-world


Willow--Rosenburg

PostPosted: Sat Sep 13, 2008 11:41 am


Thank you!

I loved the fanwank. I accepted the way they decided to get rid of the angst. But I hated the ending, it made me cry when I didn't want to. I miss Donna crying

I do wanna see more old school baddies coming back, though. There are so many fans who have no idea that this show started in 1963 confused
PostPosted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 3:16 pm


yeah... i didn't really like the ending either.. it felt very predictable... Except for donna's story which I was rather upset about... Donna was brilliant and now it looks very unlikely that she will return ever... despite the rumours... crying
I agree about the old school baddies... I'd love to see the rani return and I really enjoyed the sontaran episodes last series. I'm just a little bit fed up of Daleks...
Also when Stephan Moffat takes over there is likely to be some new enemies because he doesn't seem to take much inspiration from past story lines...
Some doctor/ jenny storylines would be good...

Leadr-of-d-world

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The Land of Fiction [Fanfics]

 
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