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 Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 9:57 am
I just began working on a new story, of a subject I have lately been interested in.
Demonology, and possession, etc.
The story is about a boy (un-named so far), who lives in his attic, with his father, mother, and a baby brother.
He see's the demons, and he knows that they are around. I am not sure where I am going to go with this story, just something to do when I am bored.
I am a strong writer, my friends and family say I should be an author, when I am older.
Here is all that I have gotten done so far on the story, please, tell me your thoughts:
The evil took me over, possessed.
I knew, right after it happened, I would never be the same…
It was dinner, I had been on my computer, upstairs in the attic.
My family was getting impatient with me, I had been called down 10 minutes ago, but was doing important research.
I had been very interested in spiritualism, and demonology.
I am aware of when spirits are around, and they are around us all the time, we don’t know it, but they are there.
I had been trying to find out more about this topic, I had been interested in it ever since one night. I had told a friend that I had been seeing things, things that were not around, things that did not exist. People. My parent’s knew, they thought I was crazy, a schizophrenic.
I knew I was not crazy, I knew what I was seeing, they were demons.
My friend told me that they are around, in every house really, they hide in corners, My room had four corners, great. But that did not mean that there were four demons in my room, they fly around she says, around the house.
Chances are they were flying above the dinner table now, or behind me as I research more about them, thinking I am a fool.
I knew, that they were among me. I could hear them when I was sleeping, I could see them, shadows, they were in my nightmares, when I sleep.
I was reading, about kinds of demons, names of them, Nightmare was one, they are the ones who cause the bad dreams, that we call “Nightmares” it made sense.
I did not fear the demons, I was not afraid of them at all, if they were trying to scare me, they were doing a bad job at it.
Sometimes I try to communicate with them.
Telling them to knock something over, make a noise, show themselves. It never works, but I know, I know for a fact, that they are there.
I see them all the time.
I walked down the stairs of the attic, and to the dinner table, my mom was there, father too, and my baby brother.
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That is the preview, so far all I have done, I hope I can actually continue writing this story, I think I can, please, share with me what you think of it smile
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Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 12:57 pm
I think it's interesting how your choose to write without contractions.
Not saying it's bad, but different.
If a boy is telling that story, wouldn't he be using less formal language, so to speak? Such as, contractions?
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Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:00 pm
[Monster] I think it's interesting how your choose to write without contractions.
Not saying it's bad, but different.
If a boy is telling that story, wouldn't he be using less formal language, so to speak? Such as, contractions? I guess so, but oh well. I just finished a pretty good part, well, I thought it was quite good. I will post a new preview soon if you are interested?
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Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:04 pm
I suppose.
But how old is the boy?
You ought to make it sound more convincing or on a level that the boy would be able to logically think, depending on his age/education/nationality/etc...
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Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:05 pm
[Monster] I suppose.
But how old is the boy?
You ought to make it sound more convincing or on a level that the boy would be able to logically think, depending on his age/education/nationality/etc... I never really did say how old the boy was, maybe High School? Anyways. I will post that new part right away. smile
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Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:06 pm
Another preview ish
I was laying in bed, I got up, and went down to the kitchen, down the attic stairs. At the bottom of the stairs to the main floor, there was a man standing there, he looked as though he was dead. He was not moving, just staring straight in front of him. I am sure he was aware of my presence. I did not know what to do, I had seen the demons, but never, had I come this close to one, so close, like we were connecting with one another. He just, stared there.
And I was stunned, I could not move, I was staring in to the eyes of a work of hell, the devil, Lucifer.
This person, spirit, demon, whatever he was, did not belong here, there was something about him, you just knew he was not one of us, not a human.
I could feel a tear running down my cheek. I did not know what to do. I felt like I had been staring at him for hours, but what felt like hours, was a few seconds. When he burst in to flames, and disappeared.
I stood there, shocked. A demon, just blew up, right in front of my eyes, blood was all over the staircase, bones on the ground, body parts everywhere.
I took a step down the staircase, carefully, hesitantly, when I had reached the bottom of the stairs, I could see the hands, arms, the limbs of the demon’s old body, turning itself back in to human form, the arms wiggled across the floor, leaking blood, and hooking on to hands, it’s head rolling across the ground, brains crushing against the floor tile. The demon had reanimated himself, back to the form of a man. His eyes turned the wrong way, looking like the undead. But I knew this was no undead, no zombie. This was a demon, and he was not the only one.
The demon walked closer, twitching it’s head, it came closer, closer, taking small steps, slowly.
We were face to face, nose to nose.
I could smell it’s breath. The smell of what you would imagine numerous dead bodies to be, rotting away, that is what it had smelt like. The smell alone could kill me.
The demon turned his head slightly, it was looking at me, with a slanted head, like it was thinking of what to do with me.
How it was going to finish me, eat me, murder me.
I closed my eyes, and opened them again.
Instantly, the demon, at the speed of light, bit in to my neck.
I collapsed to the floor, I could not feel the pain. It was all happening so fast to notice, I was bleeding, a lot, everywhere. I tried to scream, all I wanted to do was scream, but I couldn’t.
I couldn’t make out the sounds.
I lay on the floor tiles, with blood all around me. The demon walking around my body, then another demon, and one more.
Three demon’s, beasts of hell, staring at my body on the ground.
My eyes were twitching, I could feel the blood leaking out of my neck, fast.
I could only imagine what it would be like to see me laying there, my face pale, trying to scream for help.
My eyes began to twitch, as though they were trying to close, but couldn’t.
Then, they closed. I felt nothing, not the blood laying around me, not the cold temperature of the house, not the footsteps of the demons.
Nothing.
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Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:37 pm
I've read a few stories on this kind of topic, so your draft reminds me of those. sweatdrop But I think you're on a good start. Even if things go for a sudden twist, which usually happens anyway, you difinitely have something. 3nodding
I only feel sad that a writer's guild I used to be in closed. sad
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Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:40 pm
KirliaEmi I've read a few stories on this kind of topic, so your draft reminds me of those. sweatdrop But I think you're on a good start. Even if things go for a sudden twist, which usually happens anyway, you difinitely have something. 3nodding I only feel sad that a writer's guild I used to be in closed. sad The two previews I posted so far, do not happen one after another of course, there are about 5 pages between them smile
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Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:49 pm
I only skimmed the first post. sweatdrop Then I saw the last word of the second post and thought: "Looks like a good start. 3nodding "
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Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:51 pm
KirliaEmi I only skimmed the first post. sweatdrop Then I saw the last word of the second post and thought: "Looks like a good start. 3nodding " Oooh, alright, thanks smile
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Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 4:18 pm
How fun, a story of demons and the like. Seems like a good start, kinda wondering about the plot, is the story about him useing his gift in some way eventually or about the doubts surronding his gift and how people shun him?
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Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 4:55 pm
Tank13 How fun, a story of demons and the like. Seems like a good start, kinda wondering about the plot, is the story about him useing his gift in some way eventually or about the doubts surronding his gift and how people shun him? Not sure yet. I am still thinking of what it will really be all about.
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