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peridot1
Captain

PostPosted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 9:33 am


...but.....but.....but.....I fixed it for you!!!! it is called ctrl+c and ctrl+v!!!!!!
PostPosted: Sat Aug 23, 2008 6:19 am


oh lol thx sweatdrop

killer_klaw
Vice Captain


peridot1
Captain

PostPosted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 2:40 pm


Yupp! whee
PostPosted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 3:16 pm


This is something that formed from my imagination. It consistes of some characters from my life. Such as family and friends.

The Earth and the Sky


Chapter 1
A "Hello" and a vase.


As the carrige wheels hit each bump in the road, the road that led to where we were going, I bumped up and down with it. So did my sisters and mother, who were sitting across from me. We were on our way to the Earth kingdom, to exchang a few words. ....I'm sorry, I should probably explain some things.

My name is Skye, of the Sky kingdom. Ironic isn't it? I'm fourteen years old and I have red hair, emerald green eyes, and I'm rather tall for my age. My two other sisters are Rose, and Heather. And yes, they are named after flowers. My mother, whom I sit across from, is Mari, queen of the Sky kingdom, and we are princesses. We're heading to the Earth kingdom to, as I said before, exchang a few words. Rose, Heather, and my mother will talk to the king, and the princes while I am free to wander. That is how it has always been.

As we near our destination, I held the necklace around my neck in my hand. It was something my mother gave me when I was born. The pendent at the end of the chain was a hawk flying, the symbol of our kingdom. The hawk was somthing we called, "A flying greatness of our country." Though I did not see why. It is just a bird that flies around each day, hunting for it's next meal.

The carrige slowed to a stop and a voice called from outside. "Queen, princesses, we have arrived." My family stood up and stepped out side. I soon followed. There, looming above us in the morning mist that covered the land, was a large palace, castle, whatever you want to call it, so long as it was there. I sighed and followed my family in the straight line going from eldest to youngest, I, of course, being the youngest.

If your wondering, the straight line thing was something was included in lessons on how to be lady like. (I never seem to pass those classes.) We entered the castle and we were greeted with eyes staring up at us. The king, and the princes, (there were two,) stood waiting for us in the center of the room. My mother turned around and ushered me away from them. I took that chance and walked away to explore the castle a bit.

As I walked along a long hallway, I stared up at the paintings of past kings and queens of the Earth kingdom. I shuddered as the paintings' eyes seem to follow me as I walked along. I stopped at a painting of a magnificent man in a red cape, standing infront of a throne. "The first king," I guessed. I continued walking, not paying attention to where I was going. My shoulder hit a vase on a tall pedistall and it began to fall. I dive to save it but a pair of hands caught it before I did. When I looked up, I saw a boy about my age and size, maybe and bit taller.

He smiled at me and placed the vase back on the pedistall. "Carefull next time. You could've broken that." I brushed my self off and said, "I didn't mean to knock it over. It was an accident." He held out his hand to me. "I'm Daniel, the third prince to the Earth kingdom." I froze at what he said. Did he say prince? I thought there was only two princes!

golden1star
Crew


peridot1
Captain

PostPosted: Mon Sep 29, 2008 4:26 pm


It is Exchange with an "e".
You are switching from present to past tense, pick one.
It is Pedestal with one "l".
There is a space between the "n" and "f" for in front.
Mention that there are 2 princes when you first mention them, cause it seems like you are trying to say princess, but missed an "s".
Sorry, I'm really critical cause I read A LOT of books. And I usually only read them once.
PostPosted: Thu Oct 02, 2008 1:09 pm


neutral neutral neutral neutral

Please keep you correction in your head. When you post then, you start you sound a lot like my brother.

golden1star
Crew


peridot1
Captain

PostPosted: Tue Oct 21, 2008 3:02 pm


I'm just trying to help, its constructive criticism. And if it bugs you read what was already posted, I was pointing out things in another person's story. So it was obvious that some editing would be done, regardless of who posts what, you can correct me all you want.
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