Yes, I know, it may have been done before, somewhere, but I would just like to highlight the true horror of harmless little Children stories, my first one being Hansel and Grettel for obvious reasons, some of which I will highlight persistently like a Teacher trying to pound an idea into a beachball.
Hansel and Grettel; their obusive parents let them go out for their own and enter the Forest which was probably teeming with horrific Wolves and Bears, still not questioning Gods' obvious vendetta against them they carry on, eventually getting hungry and drawn towards a sweet smelling house. They go to the house and find it is made of Gingerbread, and start eating like little piggies in mating season. Eventually a kindly looking old woman comes out and offers them to come inside for some more candy; a blatant case of ***** if you ask me. They unwittingly go into the Gingerbread house only to be locked up in little cages and force fed treats, their bellies getting fatter and fatter. Then, the seemingly nice old woman goes and tries and push them into her furnace to cook them alive. That's right, little old women eating cooked human flesh, the blood trickling down their faces. Let me remind you this is a Childrens' story, read to nice little boys and girls. But instead, they shove the old Hag into the oven instead, and fun is had by all. WAIT WAIT WAIT, you're telling me that two children murder and cook an old woman, her screams ringing through the house, which is being consumed by the second. The moral of this story is to not trust strangers and not take candy from them, but I think the real morale is don't trust Children; they're evil little bastards!
Now we come to Red Riding Hood, this one not as disturbing as the last, thankfully. Little Red Riding Hood; a little girl intent on bringing teeth-rotting treats to her dying Grandma sets off on the long trail for her house on the hill, she's singing and skipping, what little girls do. THEn, and this is a very big THEN, a large and starving Wolf comes out of the bushes, his bones scrawny, he has been forced to walk and talk like a human, this poor creature has been made partially human, with an extremely bad positioning of bones and organs, and has been given the gift of speech. It goes to her, and says something along the lines of "Hello little girl, what's in that basket?" The girl replies, with stupidity that makes me want to shriek, "I'm taking 'em to my Grandma's house!" and THEN, virtually gives the mysterious Wolfman her address, and the directions of the shortcut. He then scampered off for unkown business, so she carried on, gourmless. Eventually she got there to find her Grandma in the bed, a bit hairier, with a tail, and around two feet taller. She doesn't spot this though, and continues to list how disgusting her Grandma actually looks, insulting her suppoed Elders. And then, we find out that the Grandma is actually the wolf, who ate the Grandma and put on her clothes. Ok, first of all, a Wolf ripping into the flesh of a Pentioner? This is children stuff? And on top of that the damn Wolf is cross-dressing! But before the wolf can seize the idiotic litte girl, a Woodcutter crashes through the door and decapitates the thing, now there is blood everywhere, a Grandmother is dead, a large and unstable looking hairy man is only in the house with the child, and then it says They all lived happily ever after.
I do realise that I skipped a few things or got the storyline wrong a tad, but to be honest with a few minor mistakes these stories would scare the Bejesus out of me if they were made into a live-action movie.
Please, list your thoughts, or better yet pitch in your own disturbing Kids' story, s'all good!
Reply
