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 Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 10:58 pm
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This is a bit lengthy, but I need this advice more than ever. I first have to explain a fair bit before asking the question.
Many times I found myself to be a lousy Christian, I couldn't follow the teachings very well in my life, and I couldn't remember to read my bible or pray that often. Whenever I thought I heard the voice of God, and I followed it, I found out it was just my own voice of desires. What I wanted to be true... so I couldn't trust that voice in my head, it was just me. I thought I could speak in tongues and pray for people to receive blessings... but every time I did that, it made the worst happen in people's lives. It even hastened someone's death. My faith was reaching and all time low...
Last summer I got into a relationship, one that I felt was going to change my life, and boy did it ever. I did things with her, things I've never done with anyone before. I gave her my whole heart, loved her with everything I had, went out of my way to make her feel beautiful, appreciated, and loved. We had sex twice, and I even asked her to marry me and she said yes. September 25, 2007... that was the day I asked her... she went to Colombia, South America, to visit relatives with her family. We had our lives planned out, a wedding date, a place, a plan, the names of our children... but when she came back from Colombia, she was changed. Her cousin completely convinced her and talked her out of my relationship with her. The worst part was that she accepted it, cried as if it was already over and that it had been my undoing... she was just waiting to get rid of me the first chance she could when she got back. She told me she didn't want to get married, and called off the wedding. She then told me she never wanted to have children... and then told me the very worst. She told me she didn't love me anymore. It was at this point, the relationship ended...
A piece of me died that day, and I thought about a lot of things, even the existence of God. In my own mind with logical and rational thought, I proved to myself he did not exist. No way in this universe would there ever be a being so cruel to make his creation suffer just to look at you and judge you saying, "Sorry, you forgot to ask forgiveness for this so you're going to Hell. Rot there for eternity." There is no point to exist if that's all there is. I pushed out that religious hatred out of my way... then my college marks started failing, and I had to withdraw from all of my classes. Truth be told nothing, absolutely nothing has gone right since I lost my fiance, Hersilia. I've been tempted... so tempted to swallow the contents of those sleeping pills in my room with a good swig of liquor and just crawl into my fate of being inferior before the supreme being. I went as far as to convert to a different religion.
But this notion, this feeling in the pit of my stomach won't let God go. It tugs at me, tempting me to go back into that fairy tale lifestyle... to give up using my mind and just becoming the finger puppet of a higher being A.K.A. God with promises of happiness for it from a security blanket A.K.A. Jesus. I want to get past it, I want to put it all out of my mind and never believe in it again! But I can't... why? Why can't I escape God? Why the hell won't he leave me alone! I've gotten into enough hurt, enough pain, enough trouble all thanks to him! Why does he want to torment me more?!
I need someone to give me their advice on all of this... please... I need to know from your point of view.
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Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2008 2:29 pm
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Man, I know where your coming from.
I was riding a bike and t-boned a truck. I had my left arm paralyzed and my face crushed and both arms broken. the one remaining arm... isn't as strong as it used to be. and it never will be again. I have tendonitis because of the plates and screws in my right arm and I have two plates on the left side of my face. I was completely symetrical before my accident. Now my left eye is pushed in and down. I have a HUGE scar above my left eye and more scars than I can remember, let alone count.
I lost half a grade of school and never managed to catch up to everyone else. I can't do anything the way I used to. I'm not as pretty as I was, and I wasn't that pretty to begin with.
I've been dumped twice. Once by his friend, and once by his girlfriend I didn't know he had. My current boyfriend, who's been discussing marriage with me, won't speak to me for some reason. I've been teased all my life. ALL my life. I am autistic. My mom is less than 50 and on oxygen. The doctors tell us she won't live many more years without a lung transplant. Nobody in the house works. I can't find a job. I have three friends in the entire state and two of them are under 10. My only other friends, maybe ten of them, are on the internet and my computer isn't letting me use the messenger service to chat with them.
My dad got so drunk it made him schisophrenic. He ran out on us for a SECOND time, and won't pay my mom alimony OR child support. He won't work to keep the state from garnishing any mony for us. He is in a homeless shelter someplace. I don't know where, and I wouldn't care about him even if I did. I hate him for what he did to us.
We're poor. We live in an appartment complex full of other poor people. Poor as in 'nowhere near enough money to have to pay taxes'. I'm surprised we can even eat every day.
I'm not telling you this to gain your sympathy. I'm telling you this to show you that your not any worse off than anyone else.
Don't you DARE give up on God! He's the only reason I'm not in an insane assylum. (let's not go THERE again...)
That empty, nagging feeling? I've had it. I nearly went completely insane. The kind you don't recover from with a pill. I discovered that God is giving you that nagging feeling because he misses you and doesn't want you to feel bad. Like a Father that cares where you are at 10pm. The kind who wants to know why your crying and make it better with kisses and candy. The kind that will hold you close when you've had a nightmare so you'll feel safe and secure and loved.
He won't give up on you. He'll never disown you.
Why are you doing that to Him?
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Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 8:57 am
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Kupo-Sama This is a bit lengthy, but I need this advice more than ever. I first have to explain a fair bit before asking the question. Many times I found myself to be a lousy Christian, I couldn't follow the teachings very well in my life, and I couldn't remember to read my bible or pray that often. Whenever I thought I heard the voice of God, and I followed it, I found out it was just my own voice of desires. What I wanted to be true... so I couldn't trust that voice in my head, it was just me. I thought I could speak in tongues and pray for people to receive blessings... but every time I did that, it made the worst happen in people's lives. It even hastened someone's death. My faith was reaching and all time low... Last summer I got into a relationship, one that I felt was going to change my life, and boy did it ever. I did things with her, things I've never done with anyone before. I gave her my whole heart, loved her with everything I had, went out of my way to make her feel beautiful, appreciated, and loved. We had sex twice, and I even asked her to marry me and she said yes. September 25, 2007... that was the day I asked her... she went to Colombia, South America, to visit relatives with her family. We had our lives planned out, a wedding date, a place, a plan, the names of our children... but when she came back from Colombia, she was changed. Her cousin completely convinced her and talked her out of my relationship with her. The worst part was that she accepted it, cried as if it was already over and that it had been my undoing... she was just waiting to get rid of me the first chance she could when she got back. She told me she didn't want to get married, and called off the wedding. She then told me she never wanted to have children... and then told me the very worst. She told me she didn't love me anymore. It was at this point, the relationship ended... A piece of me died that day, and I thought about a lot of things, even the existence of God. In my own mind with logical and rational thought, I proved to myself he did not exist. No way in this universe would there ever be a being so cruel to make his creation suffer just to look at you and judge you saying, "Sorry, you forgot to ask forgiveness for this so you're going to Hell. Rot there for eternity." There is no point to exist if that's all there is. I pushed out that religious hatred out of my way... then my college marks started failing, and I had to withdraw from all of my classes. Truth be told nothing, absolutely nothing has gone right since I lost my fiance, Hersilia. I've been tempted... so tempted to swallow the contents of those sleeping pills in my room with a good swig of liquor and just crawl into my fate of being inferior before the supreme being. I went as far as to convert to a different religion. But this notion, this feeling in the pit of my stomach won't let God go. It tugs at me, tempting me to go back into that fairy tale lifestyle... to give up using my mind and just becoming the finger puppet of a higher being A.K.A. God with promises of happiness for it from a security blanket A.K.A. Jesus. I want to get past it, I want to put it all out of my mind and never believe in it again! But I can't... why? Why can't I escape God? Why the hell won't he leave me alone! I've gotten into enough hurt, enough pain, enough trouble all thanks to him! Why does he want to torment me more?! I need someone to give me their advice on all of this... please... I need to know from your point of view.
Things may not get any better for you until you stand up and make it happen. Why are you so attached to the words of another man...It is your description of god that counts.
Do you really think that come judgment day god would turn any of her children away? Even within the blackest heart shines the light burning since birth and perhaps when it is our time and we take our turn before the almighty, perhaps then we will understand. Until then we can only try. Try to understand, try to live a good life...
That’s all a mother can ask
And I think that is good enough
My friend,
Find your own voice, your own path
And may peace be with you |
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Posted: Sun Apr 27, 2008 9:55 pm
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My resolve is clear. My condolences Aquiella, you like myself in the love life department have been a victim of someone claiming they loved you until they decide not to and distance themselves from you.
God is jealous as he tells us, he is greedy. Greed is a sin, therefore God is a sinner. If not a sinner of greed than jealousy. These contradictions prove flaw, a human trait, causing God to be a human creation. He is nothing more than something to ease our already disgusting lives.
You have suffered more than me, I'm so sorry for what happened to you. My resolve is clear, and defined. Peace shall come to all of us. Us victims of injustice... it shall be set straight.
No longer shall we be such victims Aquiella, I will not let this imaginary figure, God, run my life. I will not let him be the judge of what is good and evil... I will not let him toy with us.
I will find the way... I will bring justice to those who have wronged us. Even if it is... dark.
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Posted: Thu May 01, 2008 12:03 pm
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No no no!! Your looking at this the wrong way! I wasn't looking for sympathy or condolences! (although I appreciate it) I was trying to show you that just because your life seems bad, that doesn't mean you've got the short end of the stick!
Others have it worse and still never give up on God! I'm a better person because of what happened! I never doubted that God had a reason for what happened to me! Infact, if it weren't for God, I'd have committed suicide YEARS ago!!
Don't look at the bad! Focus on the GOOD!!
Yes, it happened. Yes, we can't change it. Yes, we may never understand why it happened or for what reason. Yes, it hurt. And YES, It changed our lives.
We shouldn't dwell on it, But we shouldn't forget it ever happened either.
Are you only looking at the BAD? Or are you looking at the good AND the bad?
For every bad thing that happens, there is good that comes from it.
If I hadn't gotten betrayed by those first two guys, I'd have never known the difference between liking someone and truly loving someone.
If I hadn't been hit by that truck, I'd have never met some of the wonderful people I did!
If I hadn't been teased all my life, I'd have never turned into the tough person I am today.
If I hadn't grown up without any friends the way I did, I'd have never known what a TRUE friend is!!
Take the good AND the bad! Look for the good in EVERY situation!
And stop blaming God for what happened. Instead, PRAISE God and thank Him for the fact that it wasn't Worse!!
I COULD have been paralyzed from the neck down, but I WASN'T!! I praise God for that every chance I get!! I could have been KILLED! I thank God for my life every day!!
If you want, I'll PM you my Email address so we can talk about this more. I'd like to be your friend. Someone who can help you through this. Someone who won't judge you no matter what. God helps me through every day. If you won't let Him help you..... will you please let me try?
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Posted: Thu May 08, 2008 4:34 am
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Kupo-Sama My resolve is clear. My condolences Aquiella, you like myself in the love life department have been a victim of someone claiming they loved you until they decide not to and distance themselves from you. God is jealous as he tells us, he is greedy. Greed is a sin, therefore God is a sinner. If not a sinner of greed than jealousy. These contradictions prove flaw, a human trait, causing God to be a human creation. He is nothing more than something to ease our already disgusting lives. You have suffered more than me, I'm so sorry for what happened to you. My resolve is clear, and defined. Peace shall come to all of us. Us victims of injustice... it shall be set straight. No longer shall we be such victims Aquiella, I will not let this imaginary figure, God, run my life. I will not let him be the judge of what is good and evil... I will not let him toy with us. I will find the way... I will bring justice to those who have wronged us. Even if it is... dark.
I agree with Aquiella. You shouldn't think like that!Almost Everything that happens in our life happens for a reason! All the bad things we go through happen to make our life better! and with the whole.
"god is human creation" stop it! just stop it! Doesn't the bible say(I'm not sure where. I'm not to good with scriptures >_< ) "God made us in his image" meaning those are HIS traits he gave to US!
And about the whole suffering and victims thing i think you went to far. I agree you went through painfull struggles alot of people(including me) haven't gone through. But theres someone always worse than you! so don't drown yourself in self-pity because it will only make you rot on the inside
Ever since i was a kid I've been sort of far away from everyone. It seemed to me i had no skills, i was fat and ugly(everyone told me other whys but i wouldn't listen), i had almost no friends. The only thing important to me was my grades. So when a got a B+ in science(i was always a straight A student) my world crashed down on me. I had so many insecurities, i was paranoid most of the time, and i iscolated my self.
i thought maybe it could all end with the suicide i had heard so much about. You have to understand i was pretty mature when i was a kid.
I wanted someone to listen. Someone that wouldn't criticize me or hurt me for i'd had enough of that.
I had finally decided all was enough when i right before i was on my death rode i saw a scripture my mom put on the fridge.
Instantly i knew that i shouldn't do this anymore. i knew not only was this something horrible for me but for others. that suicide was selfish of me
So i called my dad and told him everything and what i was feeling. He rushed home from work and we sat and cried together. I got help to nderstand myself and what i didn't realize- love myself. i was the only one i knew who hadn't accepted me for me
Sorry i got carried away with that sweatdrop anyway my point is dont always look at things as there the worst thing ever. What do you think a christian 12 year old girl who had abused, beaten, gotten cancer twice,and raped yet still hung on to god think? and i know this because it happened to one of my dearest and closest friends!
And for that creepy emo-ish ending ...what? what do you mean "even if it is...dark" i dont get what in the world your even saying. How is justice dark? its not dark! you cant have justice and assoiciate it with darkness! and really that wouldn't help you! so what if you became this emo dark spirit loving, voodoo using, witch calling guy? you think that would " Bring justice to those who wronged you?" NO! not only would that stuff not help you but also get you burned in hell! And reall the last part is not threatening or anything. its just really creepy.
Anyway heed our advice! and get chicken soup for the soul. you will understand people have it just as bad, if not WORSE then you! i will keep you in my prayers. |
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Posted: Sat May 10, 2008 4:44 pm
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Kupo-Sama My resolve is clear. My condolences Aquiella, you like myself in the love life department have been a victim of someone claiming they loved you until they decide not to and distance themselves from you. God is jealous as he tells us, he is greedy. Greed is a sin, therefore God is a sinner. If not a sinner of greed than jealousy. These contradictions prove flaw, a human trait, causing God to be a human creation. He is nothing more than something to ease our already disgusting lives.You have suffered more than me, I'm so sorry for what happened to you. My resolve is clear, and defined. Peace shall come to all of us. Us victims of injustice... it shall be set straight. No longer shall we be such victims Aquiella, I will not let this imaginary figure, God, run my life. I will not let him be the judge of what is good and evil... I will not let him toy with us. I will find the way... I will bring justice to those who have wronged us. Even if it is... dark.
Umm... my life isn't disgusting. It sucks to be me sometimes, but I'd rather be me than someone else.
I know I suffered more than you. That's the point. If I can find joy in my much worse situation, why can't you in your much better one?
Who said I'm a victim of injustice? Did I say that? Injustice to whom? You? Certainly not me! If anything I'm a victim of my own stupidity. Who's decision was it to ride towards the road? Mine. That's why I was hit by the truck in the first place. MY fault.
Umm.... WHO wronged me? I don't FEEL wronged. Should I? Was I wronged by those who pretended to be my boyfriend in hopes of getting a quick and easy lay? Probably. But whose fault was it for believing them in the first place? MINE! If anything I've wronged MYSELF! Kinda hard to punish yourself for something you had no control over at the time.
And besides, hindsight is 20/20. Meaning you see what went wrong only AFTER it's happened. If we could see what would go wrong before it happened... we'd have no NEED for God! BAD idea! (since when has ANYONE known what they wanted? -"God" in Bruce Almighty) |
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Posted: Sun May 18, 2008 4:03 pm
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I'd like to know where your basis for God's greed is. Also, jealousy, like anger, is not a sin; however, it can be the cause of sin. Jesus got angry when he saw money changers in the Temple. Why? Because they were using the Temple for self-fulfilling reasons (aka greed), which is a sin. God is jealous, but only because people have turned away from Him and worshipped gods they created.
I know a girl who had some similar experiences. For a period of 14 months, her life had been spiraling downward. It wasn't so bad at first, but then it started getting worse and worse. She had a lot of bad relationships, two of which she had sex in. Her attitude became a hidden pessimistic, where she didn't really feel like she was acting. Then she met a very nice young man at a summer camp not too far from her house. He was handsome and a struggling but prevailing Christian.
Please keep reading for the point to all this.
Her life changed. She told him about her past, telling him things she hadn't told her own mother. every day they hung out at the lake and in the game room, where they played air hockey and foozball.
She was a fallen woman and he helped her up. She started falling for him, and he for her. They've been together for a long time now.
Why do I go to the point of all this? This girl's life was almost as bad as yours, but she found help. This girl is my girlfriend and the young man is me. Her heart was almost ready to burst because of the stuff she had gone through, but we met at Village Creek Bible Camp. I started to heal her heart. It's been fixed for a long time now.
My faith in Christ helped me help her. God doesn't want people to turn away from Him. He wants people to have a relationship with Him.
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Posted: Wed Dec 03, 2008 4:28 pm
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Posted: Wed Dec 03, 2008 6:48 pm
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Posted: Sun Oct 18, 2009 12:50 pm
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all right, i'll do my best to answer this in one post, if you like what i say pm me and i'll try to give whatever advice i can.
1. i'm sorry about what happened in your relationship. i know alot of people have probably said that, but i really am.
2. the fact is, is not you who's not letting go of God, He's not letting go of you. He loves you more than anyone ever could, and will never cease to do that. i know that probably sounds like the same bullshit you've been hearing, but it's true. here's the next part. hearing from God isn't easy, i know alot of times you can think it's Him but it's really just your own fleshy desires. it wasn't God who led you on then went to south america and left you, that was your former gf. God has and will never have any will for something like that to happen to you, but he has choses not to intervene without being allowed. the sad truth is, God can only allow bad things to happen b/c WE allow them too. it's like when a parent has a child who grows up, the parent can't interfere with the affairs of the child any longer, but can only sit by and watch the child make decisions on they're own, and hope they make the right ones based on what the parents taught them, only being able to help if the child wants it.
3. as for condemning people to hell, this is the hardest that God has to do. again, it is like a parent. sometimes, a parent has to let their child go b/c the child rejects the parent. the parent hates this fact, but they cannot be a part of someone who only rejects them.
ok, i hope i've cleared some things up for you, and as a last thought: when all is said and done, there is nobody left but you and God, so befor that time comes, you'd better be at peace with both.Kupo-Sama This is a bit lengthy, but I need this advice more than ever. I first have to explain a fair bit before asking the question. Many times I found myself to be a lousy Christian, I couldn't follow the teachings very well in my life, and I couldn't remember to read my bible or pray that often. Whenever I thought I heard the voice of God, and I followed it, I found out it was just my own voice of desires. What I wanted to be true... so I couldn't trust that voice in my head, it was just me. I thought I could speak in tongues and pray for people to receive blessings... but every time I did that, it made the worst happen in people's lives. It even hastened someone's death. My faith was reaching and all time low... Last summer I got into a relationship, one that I felt was going to change my life, and boy did it ever. I did things with her, things I've never done with anyone before. I gave her my whole heart, loved her with everything I had, went out of my way to make her feel beautiful, appreciated, and loved. We had sex twice, and I even asked her to marry me and she said yes. September 25, 2007... that was the day I asked her... she went to Colombia, South America, to visit relatives with her family. We had our lives planned out, a wedding date, a place, a plan, the names of our children... but when she came back from Colombia, she was changed. Her cousin completely convinced her and talked her out of my relationship with her. The worst part was that she accepted it, cried as if it was already over and that it had been my undoing... she was just waiting to get rid of me the first chance she could when she got back. She told me she didn't want to get married, and called off the wedding. She then told me she never wanted to have children... and then told me the very worst. She told me she didn't love me anymore. It was at this point, the relationship ended... A piece of me died that day, and I thought about a lot of things, even the existence of God. In my own mind with logical and rational thought, I proved to myself he did not exist. No way in this universe would there ever be a being so cruel to make his creation suffer just to look at you and judge you saying, "Sorry, you forgot to ask forgiveness for this so you're going to Hell. Rot there for eternity." There is no point to exist if that's all there is. I pushed out that religious hatred out of my way... then my college marks started failing, and I had to withdraw from all of my classes. Truth be told nothing, absolutely nothing has gone right since I lost my fiance, Hersilia. I've been tempted... so tempted to swallow the contents of those sleeping pills in my room with a good swig of liquor and just crawl into my fate of being inferior before the supreme being. I went as far as to convert to a different religion. But this notion, this feeling in the pit of my stomach won't let God go. It tugs at me, tempting me to go back into that fairy tale lifestyle... to give up using my mind and just becoming the finger puppet of a higher being A.K.A. God with promises of happiness for it from a security blanket A.K.A. Jesus. I want to get past it, I want to put it all out of my mind and never believe in it again! But I can't... why? Why can't I escape God? Why the hell won't he leave me alone! I've gotten into enough hurt, enough pain, enough trouble all thanks to him! Why does he want to torment me more?! I need someone to give me their advice on all of this... please... I need to know from your point of view.
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