Welcome to Gaia! ::

Here goes..uh...something...WAIT! tater tot! Sorry...Needed a lil' somemm'somemm'..

This is about my friend....Who thinks she's better than me in every way.

How can you say you are a writer when you have never cried the icy black bloody tears i cry every single minute of every hour of every day? You can't tell me you know what it's like because you've never been me!

A poem about our life as americans

Politicians lie to us, drowning us in creeping sludge, drowning us in their never ending grudge. No glimpse of light through that mud, it's as cold as their stares and blood.

Uhm....Sorry...You had to sit through that...I'm not that great. Sorry.


:-/ And sory theyre not that long.... As I said....I'm awful

I would have to agree with Lunar Hybrid's suggestion. Writing in that format is difficult to follow for the reader. I wasn't quite sure what material was the poem and your notes. Once Lunar Hybrid rewrote I understood everything clearly.

SUGGESTIONS:

1. GRAMMAR. Despite how it isn't necessary to include punctuation, be sure to even capitalize even the simplest words like "I." If you are going to use grammar in your poetry you must use it properly.

2. STYLE. If you choose to write in a different style or format of the poem make sure the poem isn't jumbled up. I admire those who attempt something unique, but please don't make it difficult to follow. This turns many readers away because they don't know how to take it.

3. CONTENT. The content of poetry doesn't always have to be clear. Remember that it isn't the failure of the writer if the reader doesn't believe they understand the contents. The reason why is simple. Poetry is interpretable. Everyone's perception of the meaning is either going to be similar or different.

CRITIQUE FOR TO YOUR FRIEND

I've heard and sensed this sort of anger towards a friend very intimately. The feeling of anger and frustration from a certain individual that just understand you. At least this is what I get from the poem, but I could be way off base from your meaning. "The icy black bloody tears I cry" is a very nice line to convey the mood your trying to set. I'm not sure what you've meant by the first line though. Perhaps you meant not a writer like you, but I don't know how to take it.

CRITIQUE FOR LIFE AS AMERICANS

Honestly, I preferred this poem than the other one. Just a personal opinion. Every line is potent, and reaches to it's full potency once you have reached the end. Constantly our society is influenced by the government, politicians, media, and other of what we would consider with the higher power. Most of them are hypocrites.

~Vesryn~