tell it here.
or die unheard.
this is your only chance to have a forest gump moment.
Once upon a time I had to take a leadership class. The people at my table consisted of a Goth-punk-rocker-girl and a really, really, really, really nerdy guy. I the creepy girl would periodically laugh vary loudly for no reason, and then she would start to grope the nerdy guy. She would start from the head and worked down until the nerd ran out of the room screaming. At the end of the class she reached down between her partially covered breasts and pulled a four-inch slug from her cleavage. She spanked it where ever a slug butt is and said "Bad boy! You should save that for tonight," then she did a creepy snake lick and placed it back on her side. The moral of this story is........WTF?!!??!
Once upon at time there was a small frog that desperately needed luck. He played the slots and lost, he played crane games and lost, he played blackjack and lost, and he even played a change machine and lost. He was so down on his luck he became furious and shot his tongue out at everything that passed by. But when he shot his tongue at a coin that was tossed into the river tongue hit it and split in two. He became even more furious and shot his tongue at it again and it split in to again. The frog was very worried about what happened to his tongue but when he looked at it he saw that it wasn’t hurt at all. He now had three tongues and realized he had suddenly become very lucky. He could catch three times the amount of flies, all three of the slots matched up, the claw for the crane games seemed like they couldn’t go down without picking something up, he got twenty-one every time he played blackjack, and the change machine started to spew out coins for the lucky frog. The frog had become very luck and began to share his luck with others. And that is the story of the three tongued frog. THe EnD!
Tis' a story passed down from Billy Mc. Worm to Billy Mc. Worm to Billy Mc. Worm to Billy Mc. Worm to Billy Mc. Worm to Billy Mc. Worm’s cousin Cedric. Once on an island there was a kid who was very fast. He was the fastest thing on the island. He was faster than the birds, cats, cars, other islanders, fish, and even faster than the island itself. He became bored with all the slow people on the island so one day he ran up the island’s volcano and asked The Great Hippie what he should do. The Great Hippie said, “Brother there is a race every decade to decide what the rarest creature on earth will be for the next ten years.”
So he joined the race to become the rarest creature in the world. But when the race started he saw that he was lousing horribly. So he did something he thought he would never do. He held his arms out, turned his palms down, ran like crazy, and jumped. He jumped over Neisse, Bigfoot, Elvis, an actually good boy band, your car keys, and landed in second place. That is why in for the next ten years the rarest thing in the world is a flying human. THe EnD.
Once upon a time when the world was rectangular a lone shark swam the oceans. It believed it was the hottest thing since evolution and was unmatched by any other animal. One day when he was swimming he passed a sea turtle. “You suck,” he said to the turtle. “One should not mock the un judged. Blood flows in many different directions,” replied the turtle. “A weaker animal like you shouldn’t speak that way to a better,” snapped the shark. “I do not see better, equal, or lesser,” the turtle remarked. “Shelled garbage!” he barked at the turtle as he swam away furiously. He had swum a while and realized he had never been as far out in deep water as he was. While he was swimming he noticed there was a strange current that pulled him in many different directions. Before he knew it he was being pulled by the current and traveled for miles. He was finally released from the current and he saw that he was in the middle of hundreds of sea turtles that where miles wide and hundreds of times larger than him. He was shocked at his discovery and before he could fully realize his situation he was devoured by one of the leviathan turtles. ThE EnD.
Well it all started in the 80's about 10 years ago when I was just a young
fisherman trying to shoot some elk in the forest. I was in the middle
of my expedition when I tripped on the ground and fell into the ocean.
I didn't quite know what I was going to do but luckily the communist
pirates told me what I was going to do.
I was in the middle of swearing my alliance when I looked back into the
forest and saw the legendary syrup moose.
It was a grand sight to behold.
I was then inspired and converted the communists to monarchy and
left them on their merry way, while at the same time I was following a
gypsy caravan in hopes of stealing their secret formula.
I made my way into their wagon and began to search when it suddenly began moving again.
Then I realized that there were 5 of them hiding behind a piece of paper.
I realized I was screwed and forgot my spear at the ship.
So I began an epic hand to hand duel with the gypsy leader. But suddenly
it became a hand to foot duel when she unexpectedly hooked my leg into
her arm and began to tickle my foot.
Defenseless I began to panic. In my hysterics I reached my hand under
the cabinet and pulled out the bag containing the secret spices.
I quickly mixed them with the sacred banana and gained the ultimate
power I needed to repel the gypsy’s queen. I had them all backed into a corner had successfully turned the tables over them.
Literally.
I had them all stuck under a table and tickled the queen for the
information on how to use my new powers of the spice when one
of the wagons horses exploded and sent us all slightly to the left.
I quickly bailed and landed in a pumpkin patch.
It was then I met the love of my life. She had strong brave look in
her soul deep green eyes. He pale skin shined with the purity of a full
moon. Her long dark hair in seemed to blend with the night sky.
And it didn't hurt that she was naked and quite well off. We quickly began
to make out the pumpkin patch. It was a little while later when I learned I
was about to bang the goddess. I had no problems with that.
So we continued our fooling around and began to carve pumpkins at the
same time. That’s when I realized. I was late for the opera. We quickly took
haste and made our way naked and sweaty to the opera house and saw
the greatest performance of "The Toasted Marshmallow of Life" ever
witnessed.
this is only part of it.
or die unheard.
this is your only chance to have a forest gump moment.
Once upon a time I had to take a leadership class. The people at my table consisted of a Goth-punk-rocker-girl and a really, really, really, really nerdy guy. I the creepy girl would periodically laugh vary loudly for no reason, and then she would start to grope the nerdy guy. She would start from the head and worked down until the nerd ran out of the room screaming. At the end of the class she reached down between her partially covered breasts and pulled a four-inch slug from her cleavage. She spanked it where ever a slug butt is and said "Bad boy! You should save that for tonight," then she did a creepy snake lick and placed it back on her side. The moral of this story is........WTF?!!??!
Once upon at time there was a small frog that desperately needed luck. He played the slots and lost, he played crane games and lost, he played blackjack and lost, and he even played a change machine and lost. He was so down on his luck he became furious and shot his tongue out at everything that passed by. But when he shot his tongue at a coin that was tossed into the river tongue hit it and split in two. He became even more furious and shot his tongue at it again and it split in to again. The frog was very worried about what happened to his tongue but when he looked at it he saw that it wasn’t hurt at all. He now had three tongues and realized he had suddenly become very lucky. He could catch three times the amount of flies, all three of the slots matched up, the claw for the crane games seemed like they couldn’t go down without picking something up, he got twenty-one every time he played blackjack, and the change machine started to spew out coins for the lucky frog. The frog had become very luck and began to share his luck with others. And that is the story of the three tongued frog. THe EnD!
Tis' a story passed down from Billy Mc. Worm to Billy Mc. Worm to Billy Mc. Worm to Billy Mc. Worm to Billy Mc. Worm to Billy Mc. Worm’s cousin Cedric. Once on an island there was a kid who was very fast. He was the fastest thing on the island. He was faster than the birds, cats, cars, other islanders, fish, and even faster than the island itself. He became bored with all the slow people on the island so one day he ran up the island’s volcano and asked The Great Hippie what he should do. The Great Hippie said, “Brother there is a race every decade to decide what the rarest creature on earth will be for the next ten years.”
So he joined the race to become the rarest creature in the world. But when the race started he saw that he was lousing horribly. So he did something he thought he would never do. He held his arms out, turned his palms down, ran like crazy, and jumped. He jumped over Neisse, Bigfoot, Elvis, an actually good boy band, your car keys, and landed in second place. That is why in for the next ten years the rarest thing in the world is a flying human. THe EnD.
Once upon a time when the world was rectangular a lone shark swam the oceans. It believed it was the hottest thing since evolution and was unmatched by any other animal. One day when he was swimming he passed a sea turtle. “You suck,” he said to the turtle. “One should not mock the un judged. Blood flows in many different directions,” replied the turtle. “A weaker animal like you shouldn’t speak that way to a better,” snapped the shark. “I do not see better, equal, or lesser,” the turtle remarked. “Shelled garbage!” he barked at the turtle as he swam away furiously. He had swum a while and realized he had never been as far out in deep water as he was. While he was swimming he noticed there was a strange current that pulled him in many different directions. Before he knew it he was being pulled by the current and traveled for miles. He was finally released from the current and he saw that he was in the middle of hundreds of sea turtles that where miles wide and hundreds of times larger than him. He was shocked at his discovery and before he could fully realize his situation he was devoured by one of the leviathan turtles. ThE EnD.
Well it all started in the 80's about 10 years ago when I was just a young
fisherman trying to shoot some elk in the forest. I was in the middle
of my expedition when I tripped on the ground and fell into the ocean.
I didn't quite know what I was going to do but luckily the communist
pirates told me what I was going to do.
I was in the middle of swearing my alliance when I looked back into the
forest and saw the legendary syrup moose.
It was a grand sight to behold.
I was then inspired and converted the communists to monarchy and
left them on their merry way, while at the same time I was following a
gypsy caravan in hopes of stealing their secret formula.
I made my way into their wagon and began to search when it suddenly began moving again.
Then I realized that there were 5 of them hiding behind a piece of paper.
I realized I was screwed and forgot my spear at the ship.
So I began an epic hand to hand duel with the gypsy leader. But suddenly
it became a hand to foot duel when she unexpectedly hooked my leg into
her arm and began to tickle my foot.
Defenseless I began to panic. In my hysterics I reached my hand under
the cabinet and pulled out the bag containing the secret spices.
I quickly mixed them with the sacred banana and gained the ultimate
power I needed to repel the gypsy’s queen. I had them all backed into a corner had successfully turned the tables over them.
Literally.
I had them all stuck under a table and tickled the queen for the
information on how to use my new powers of the spice when one
of the wagons horses exploded and sent us all slightly to the left.
I quickly bailed and landed in a pumpkin patch.
It was then I met the love of my life. She had strong brave look in
her soul deep green eyes. He pale skin shined with the purity of a full
moon. Her long dark hair in seemed to blend with the night sky.
And it didn't hurt that she was naked and quite well off. We quickly began
to make out the pumpkin patch. It was a little while later when I learned I
was about to bang the goddess. I had no problems with that.
So we continued our fooling around and began to carve pumpkins at the
same time. That’s when I realized. I was late for the opera. We quickly took
haste and made our way naked and sweaty to the opera house and saw
the greatest performance of "The Toasted Marshmallow of Life" ever
witnessed.
this is only part of it.
