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| Will you laugh with me or at me? |
| With you coz I luff you! |
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64% |
[ 11 ] |
| At you coz you are heaps funny! |
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35% |
[ 6 ] |
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| Total Votes : 17 |
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 Posted: Tue Jul 25, 2006 7:58 pm
SunnShinne According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick, and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirrors, leaving dozens of little lip prints. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day. To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the custodian to clean one of the mirrors. He proceeded to take out a long-handled brush, dip it into the nearest toilet, and scrub the mirror...... Since then there have been no lip prints on the mirror. OMG!! Maybe THAT'S how I can stop Jade from putting lipgloss kisses all over the mirror!!! rofl
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Posted: Tue Jul 25, 2006 8:02 pm
SunnShinne Bulletin Bloopers Here are some actual problem sentences found in church and denominational bulletins and/or newsletters: 1.Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help. 2.Thursday night - potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow. 3.Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. 4.For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. 5.The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer. 6.This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends. 7.This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar. 8.Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper. 9.The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday. 10.A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. 11.Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church building. Please use large double door at the side entrance. 12.Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary. 13.Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. 14.The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir. 15.Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child. 16.Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. proceeds will be used to cripple children. Ohhh rofl rofl rofl ROFL I can't breathe!!!!!
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Posted: Sun Aug 06, 2006 10:48 am
rofl those are hillarious rofl
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Posted: Thu Sep 14, 2006 6:41 pm
Things people say to libarians
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"I'm looking for a book."
"Do you have books here?"
"Do you have a list of all the books written in the English language?"
"Do you have a list of all the books I've ever read?"
"I'm looking for Robert James Waller's book, 'Waltzing through Grand Rapids." -- The actual title is "Slow Waltz In Cedar Bend."
"Where is the reference desk?" -- Asked of a worker sitting at a desk, over which was a sign saying 'REFERENCE DESK'.
"Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park sites?"
"Which outlets in the library are appropriate for my hairdryer?"
"I was here about three weeks ago looking at a cookbook that cost $39.95. Do you know which one it is?"
"I need a color photograph of George Washington." -- Other individuals asked for, by other patrons, are Christopher Columbus, King Arthur, Moses, Socrates, and more.
"Do you have any books with photographs of dinosaurs?"
"I'm looking for information on carpal tunnel syndrome. I think I'm having trouble with it in my neck."
"Is the basement upstairs?"
"I am looking for a list of laws that I can break that would send me back to jail for a couple of months."
"I got a quote from a book I turned in last week but I forgot to write down the author and title. It's big and red, and I found it on the top shelf. Can you find it for me?"
"Do you have anything good to read?" -- The response was, "No, ma'am. I'm afraid we have 75,000 books, and they're all duds."
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Makes you wonder how many people REALLY say these things rofl
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Posted: Thu Sep 14, 2006 6:46 pm
Before heading south for a vacation, it may be a good idea to learn the language of our southern brothers and sisters. And we're here to help...
Hah Tu Spek Suthun:
BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
JAWJUH - noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck."
MUNTS - noun. A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I taint herd from him in munts."
ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
FAR - noun. A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."
BAHS - noun. A supervisor.
Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!"
TAR - noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesn't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."
TIRE - noun. A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willing and the creeks don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."
RETARD - Verb. To stop working.
Usage: "My granpaw retard at age 65."
RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willing to fight for our rats."
FARN - adjective. Not local.
Usage: "I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."
JU-HERE - a question.
Usage: "Juhere that former Dallas Cowboys' coach Jimmy Johnson recently toured the University of Alabama?"
HAZE - a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze ignert."
VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun.
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City ... view?"
GUMMIT - Noun. An often-closed bureaucratic institution.
Usage: "Great ... ANOTHER gummit shutdown!"
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Posted: Thu Sep 14, 2006 7:01 pm
24 Fun Things To Do In An Elevator...
1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
2. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
3. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
4. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
8. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
9. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
10. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, no, not now, darn motion sickness!"
11. Meow occasionally.
12. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
13. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
14. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
15. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
16. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
17. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
18. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
19. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
20. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
21. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
22. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
23. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
24. Stop at every floor, run off the elevator, then run back on.
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Posted: Thu Sep 14, 2006 7:20 pm
oh gosh thise were good i laghed so much i couldn't stop coughing. rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl yeah it was bad
my borther does number 11 a lot
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Posted: Fri Sep 15, 2006 7:09 am
rofl rofl rofl Thanks for sharing!
(I don't think some of the library questions are TOO stupid, I mean, I can understand what they're trying to get at, they're just not wording it right. Or like the one with the red book on a top shelf that was returned recently, their recent books borrowed could be brought up on the computer and a librarian familiar enough with their books would know from the color/location which one it was if they returned several. 3nodding )
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Posted: Fri Sep 15, 2006 12:24 pm
Tatum Eaglette "I am looking for a list of laws that I can break that would send me back to jail for a couple of months." Oh there's the one I was going to comment on! I find this one very interesting! wink (I've often thought that Jail is a nice free roof over your head and meals provided!)
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Posted: Mon Sep 18, 2006 5:05 am
Okay, I've been trying to get all the lyrics to this song written down without annoying my husband too much. (I guess I could have looked them up, doh!) But finally I just thought I'd leave the link: Go find out what your horoscope says for today: Weird Al`s Horoscope
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Posted: Sun Jun 17, 2007 6:42 pm
SAD PASSING
Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 350 for about 20 minutes.
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