Welcome to Gaia! ::

Again the boy's attention began to slip, as his eyes slowly lost their focus on the paper and began to wander around the room, eventually becoming hazy as his eyelids blocked the pupils. His breathing was slow, and calm, his heartrate down, his reserve energy waning. The boy's head occasionally dipped, but the drop messed with his sense of balance and snapped him out of his waking sleep. And again, the boy tried to retain the knowledge he was reading, but again to no avail. Somehow he was able to perfectly copy the instructions while half-awake, which usually meant he was writing blind as his hand moved while his eyes were closed. Soon enough, Takashi could take no more, and his face fell to the surface of the desk, although this time it did not rise.

"Bury yourself underground safely and get accustomed to the feeling."

Even as his conscious mind began to go, the thought echoed throughout his mind, although he wasn't sure what it was, or where it came from. It seemed familiar, but the boy couldn't put his finger on it. Meanwhile his vision got darker and darker, what he could still see falling into a haze. It was odd; his resistance to sleep put Takashi into a slow trance that he could not fight against nor succumb to. His eyes darted about, as if looking for a way to escape, and his hands twitched, the fingers attempting to scratch at the table they laid on. At best, the boy could only manage to slightly twist his head.

"Learn to sense presences above you and pull them down with enough force."

Wait, this was the lesson plan he was studying? But Takashi thought that his attempts to memorize the lesson was futile? The boy had had to go over the last technique a dozen times before he memorized it, why could he do it so easily now? And then it occurred to him: in all the time that he was half-awake, when his consciousness was only able to memorize at half capacity, his subconscious was also garnishing half the information, so the text he hadn't memorized in his conscious mind had been stored in his subconsciousness! Takashi thought hard in his brief, last waking moments, and was able to recall a multitude of information from his last few jutsus that had previously been so hard to remember. It seemed that in the end Takashi finished up after all.

The boy closed his eyes, his work finally finished. The scrolls had all been copied and memorized, even if Takashi hadn't lived up to his promise of replacing them all in their proper shelves. He felt satisfied, his painstaking work had finally paid off; Takashi had everything he needed to begin improving his arsenal of jutsus. The boy let his mind fade away, he would now allow his body the rest it needed.

Tomorrow would mark the beginning of a new chapter in Takashi's life, although for the better or worse depended on whose perspective you looked at it from...

[Fatigued = -2 to all rolls]

Reading / Studying
DC: 10
Formula 1: 3 - 2 = Fail
Formula 2: 20 - 2 = Autosuccess
Train: 10/10
Subject: Jutsu scrolls

Copying Scrolls
DC: 10
Formula: 20 - 2 = Autosucess
Train: 10/10
Subject: Jutsu scrolls

Shunshin no Jutsu (Body Flicker Technique)
Soshuha (Manipulating Attack Blades)
Katon: Bakukadan (Fire Release: Exploding Flame Shot)
Katon: Hosenka no Jutsu (Fire Release: Phoenix Immortal Fire Technique)
Doton: Shinju Zanshu no Jutsu (Earth Release: Inner Decapitation Technique)
Doton: Doroku Gaeshi (Earth Release: Earth Shore Return)
Style: Gouken (Strong Fist)
Kage Shuriken no Jutsu (Shadow Shuriken Technique)
Reppū (Gale)
Blocking

Tsuyoshi slowly wandered into the library, his eyes darting all over the place so that he didn't get caught off guard by someone's sudden small talk. His headband remained firmly over his mouth, concealing any sort of expression that he might give off. He made his way to the area with the old scrolls; books would not do for this assignment of his. He needed the traditional words, copied down ages ago by some other disciple. After securing the scrolls, Tsuyoshi quietly maneuvered himself over to one of the more deserted places in the library.

He carefully pulled out a scroll of his own, and weighed down the corners with small pebbles to insure a flat writing surface. Then, he placed the ink and brush to his right, taking care to keep it far away from the old documents he was borrowing. Finally, he unrolled said documents onto a separate table to his left, ensuring that any mistakes would leave the old scrolls untouched.

Suddenly his paranoia nagged at him; once again Tsuyoshi was forced to look around him to ensure that no one was watching him or coming towards him. Social interaction was always awkward for Tsuyoshi; he never knew what kind of persona to take when dealing with someone else. Once he was certain that the coast was clear, he began to read the old document, one line at a time. In order to gain what he sought; Tsuyoshi planned on internalizing the lessons the Sutra expressed line by line. This way he could gain a better understanding of what he lacked and be one step closer to enlightenment.

Then Janussoni the Brahman went to the Blessed One and, on arrival, exchanged courteous greetings with him. After an exchange of friendly greetings and courtesies, he sat to one side. As he was sitting there he said to the Blessed One: "I am of the view and opinion that there is no one who, subject to death, is not afraid or in terror of death."

His brush swept across the formerly blank parchment while he repeated the first line in his head over and over again. The Abhaya Sutra was not what he had expected to grab; but it was topical at the very least. He felt he had some understanding of the subject that was expressed, he had faced death many times in his life, and had known that particular fear very well. He had seen others as well who expressed fear in their last moments, and the experiences had always left an impression on him. Such scenes recalled feelings of dread in his mind, even as he tried to reassure himself that it was all for the best in the end.


Copying and Reflection on the Sutras
Description: Using the ancient wisdom of the Sutras, Tsuyoshi attempts to gain some form of wisdom.
Target DC: 15
Formula: 1d20+Wis Mod(+5)
Successful Attempts: 0/10
Failed Checks: 0

11+5 = 16. Success!



"And who is the person who, subject to death, is afraid and in terror of death? There is the case of the person who has not abandoned passion, desire, fondness, thirst, fever, and craving for sensuality. Then he comes down with a serious disease. As he comes down with a serious disease, the thought occurs to him, 'O, those beloved sensual pleasures will be taken from me, and I will be taken from them!' He grieves and is tormented, weeps, beats his breast, and grows delirious. This is a person who, subject to death, is afraid and in terror of death."

Did this speak to him? Was this true of his situation? Was Tsuyoshi truly wanting in sensuality and passion? Perhaps this was the case; even as he copied the text he was already trying to tell himself that it wasn't true. But he knew it was; it had always been true. Since he was old enough to formulate thoughts about the world around him Tsuyoshi had been stuck between his two brothers, never standing out in any way, shape, or form. He envied them, desired what they had and the power to take it for himself.

But the text spoke of a man who came down with a plague; his lot was to die slowly and have to come to terms with the circumstances of his life. It was unlikely that Tsuyoshi would ever have the luxury of a death in bed; the live of a ninja rarely allowed anyone to live to old age. The only possibility would be if he was poisoned by an enemy in battle.

What would he do in that case? How would he react to such a turn of events? Would he be surrounded by those that loved and respected him in his last moments? No; he couldn't name anyone that would come to see him in that situation. He had always been aloof and reclusive compared to everyone around him; he never had many friends and people just thought the training and work he often did had gotten to him. His family had never felt a need to pay special attention to him, since his older brother was loud and bombastic and his younger brother was excitable and crafty. Compared to them, Tsuyoshi was a boring and bland middle child with no real exceptional talents.

Surely this was the fear of death that he felt. He feared coming face to face with the realization that even his family wouldn't notice his passing, let alone mourn it. Perhaps this is why Tsuyoshi envied and hated his enemies. They had people who loved them, they would be mourned. Their memories would be cherished. Tsuyoshi's? He'd be lucky if anyone remembered to bury his body before it began to stink up wherever he died. His fate, if he didn't die in battle, would be to feed the insects of the Aburame clan before someone bothered to check his apartment.

Tsuyoshi had to put the brush down and recompose himself for a few moments. This was really starting to get to him, and it was really making him uncomfortable. Yet he couldn't turn back; he always finished what he started. He dipped the brush in the ink, and went to copy the next line.

Copying and Reflection on the Sutras
Description: Using the ancient wisdom of the Sutras, Tsuyoshi attempts to gain some form of wisdom.
Target DC: 15
Formula: 1d20+Wis Mod(+5)
Successful Attempts: 2/10
Failed Checks: 0

Natural 1. Automatic Failure.



"Furthermore, there is the case of the person who has not done what is good, has not done what is skillful, has not given protection to those in fear, and instead has done what is evil, savage, and cruel. Then he comes down with a serious disease. As he comes down with a serious disease, the thought occurs to him, 'I have not done what is good, have not done what is skillful, have not given protection to those in fear, and instead have done what is evil, savage, and cruel. To the extent that there is a destination for those who have not done what is good, have not done what is skillful, have not given protection to those in fear, and instead have done what is evil, savage, and cruel, that's where I'm headed after death.' He grieves and is tormented, weeps, beats his breast, and grows delirious. This, too, is a person who, subject to death, is afraid and in terror of death.

Suddenly, Tsuyoshi's nerves broke, causing him to accidentally knock the ink over onto the copying parchment. Frustrated and annoyed, he couldn't help but think that the ink spreading over the parchment and covering up his words was somehow a metaphor for his life; all the good he might do in the world was corrupted and covered up by all the bad he had done.

Perhaps he was over thinking things. He had just spilled some ink onto the parchment; there was no need to spend more time over thinking things than necessary. He shook his head in a vain attempt to clear it; this was the kind of thing he needed to get through in order to improve himself.

After recopying all the previous lines, Tsuyoshi decided to take the time to internalize everything that the current line stated. This referred to those that committed evil acts, which may or may not have referred to him. He stole, murdered, lied, cheated, manipulated, and destroyed the property of others on the command of the Hokage. Perhaps that was a justifiable reason, but Tsuyoshi assumed that it wasn't when dealing with the afterlife. His actions were of the most vile bend, even if he did it for what he saw as the greater good.

Yet the passage in question referred to someone who knew he was evil, who knew that the actions he had taken were wrong. As such, it probably didn't apply to him, because he didn't consider himself evil. At the very least, he believed that he wasn't committing atrocities on a grand scale. In the long history of the village there had been many ninjas who had done evil things and had known it; Tsuyoshi didn't think that such men and women were sorry for what they did.

That meant this passage described a realization; a reflection of one's life events after realizing that they are going to die. Thus a man who previously did whatever he wanted, when faced with death, would suddenly understand that he has done terrible things, and desire to fix his life before he died and went to the underworld. This actually applied to him in some ways; if Tsuyoshi found himself on the verge of death he would probably regret some of the things he had done as well. Were those things enough to damn him? Were those things morally wrong even though he had only acted on the orders of the village officials and worked for their best interests?


Copying and Reflection on the Sutras
Description: Using the ancient wisdom of the Sutras, Tsuyoshi attempts to gain some form of wisdom.
Target DC: 15
Formula: 1d20+Wis Mod(+5)
Successful Attempts: 3/10
Failed Checks: 1

14+5 = 19. Success!


"Furthermore, there is the case of the person in doubt and perplexity, who has not arrived at certainty with regard to the True Dhamma. Then he comes down with a serious disease. As he comes down with a serious disease, the thought occurs to him, 'How doubtful and perplexed I am! I have not arrived at any certainty with regard to the True Dhamma!' He grieves and is tormented, weeps, beats his breast, and grows delirious. This, too, is a person who, subject to death, is afraid and in terror of death. These, Brahman, are four people who, subject to death, are afraid and in terror of death."

Finally, after his moment of respite, Tsuyoshi now felt that he was back to a normal state of mind. Now, he could get back to analyzing the scriptures and get over his problems. He didn't think it would get any easier, but he couldn't give up now when there was so much left to do. Of course, this particular scripture was quite long, and he wasn't sure that he'd be able to copy it all in one night. But he would try and he would attempt to get it all done before the night was out.

Immediately the text was speaking to him again; it referred to someone who was unsure of the fate that would befall him after death, thus making him fear it. Uncertainty and the unknown were easy things to fear, since your mind could conjure some truly terrible ideas when you let it run wild. As such, this concept was something Tsuyoshi understood quite well since he used genjutsu on a regular basis. He was hoping to become a specialist in it, meaning he had to learn how to manipulate a target's own fear of the unknown against them. Despite what some thought, it was often easier to simply cover someone in darkness, and let their minds imagine things that might be out there, which would lower their resolves and make them panic. And that was always a benefit to him.

The opposite side of that coin was that Tsuyoshi was less than sure if he wasn't afraid of the unknown. While he was afraid of dying and not having anyone care, he wasn't sure if he feared the unknown that came after it. But that was probably because he hadn't actually gotten into a situation where he needed to be certain of what would happen. It was unlikely that he would ever be sure, but it made sense that he would probably become more afraid of what might happen if he chose wrong as he got older. As Tsuyoshi's hand worked, he noticed that the scripture thus far had only talked about those who were in fear of death, while the sutra itself was referred to as "fearless." Thus, Tsuyoshi figured that there would soon be something that would give him true wisdom on how to deal with these problems, and how to deal with the concept of facing death without fear. To be truly fearless would be formidable indeed.


Copying and Reflection on the Sutras
Description: Using the ancient wisdom of the Sutras, Tsuyoshi attempts to gain some form of wisdom.
Target DC: 15
Formula: 1d20+Wis Mod(+5)
Successful Attempts: 4/10
Failed Checks: 2

16+5 = 21. Success!


"Furthermore, there is the case of the person who has abandoned passion, desire, fondness, thirst, fever, and craving for the body. Then he comes down with a serious disease. As he comes down with a serious disease, the thought does not occur to him, 'O, my beloved body will be taken from me, and I will be taken from my body!' He does not grieve, is not tormented; does not weep, beat his breast, or grow delirious. This, too, is a person who, subject to death, is not afraid or in terror of death."

Now there was only a few more lines left and Tsuyoshi was already beginning to understand where he needed to improve. This entire exercise had been quite helpful, even if it had been particularly depressing. In fact, he found it really upsetting at some parts, since he had to come to some form of understanding regarding his own flaws, and that was never easy for anyone. He adjusted his headband so that it covered his mouth better; one day he was sure someone would ask why he put it there when he wasn't on a mission.

For now he went back to copying the sutra one word at a time. He was sure that he knew the drill by now, and having already understood the previous stanzas, Tsuyoshi was confident that he would have no problems understanding their opposites. The second situation that represented someone who was unafraid of death was a definite parallel to the second situation that represented someone who did. This person was no afraid of losing his body, and thus not afraid of being dead. This was perhaps the most understandable to Tsuyoshi; he had been trained his entire life to not covet his body, since his body was a tool for the village, and meant to be used to defend and protect it. If he was too concerned over his own well being, he would be of no use to anyone, and would actually be a detriment to the village and any teammates that were around. No one wanted to be around the guy who was known to be a coward when push came to shove.

Tsuyoshi continued writing, knowing that this was one stanza that he didn't really need to think too hard on. If he was younger and less disciplined he probably would have skipped it all together, but he wasn't going to do that now, especially when this was a copy for his own use. It would be almost sacrilegious to do that, and Tsuyoshi was certain that he'd probably find some sutra dedicated to the abolishment of sloth. Regardless, he had to focus on the next few lines, which would probably be the most important for him. This one didn't really concern him, but he was sure that the next two probably would. Hopefully they wouldn't cause him to lose his concentration and to become rather upset again, that was already enough embarrassment for one day.

Copying and Reflection on the Sutras
Description: Using the ancient wisdom of the Sutras, Tsuyoshi attempts to gain some form of wisdom.
Target DC: 15
Formula: 1d20+Wis Mod(+5)
Successful Attempts: 6/10
Failed Checks: 2

14+5 = 19. Success!


"Furthermore, there is the case of the person who has no doubt or perplexity, who has arrived at certainty with regard to the True Dhamma. Then he comes down with a serious disease. As he comes down with a serious disease, the thought occurs to him, 'I have no doubt or perplexity. I have arrived at certainty with regard to the True Dhamma.' He does not grieve, is not tormented; does not weep, beat his breast, or grow delirious. This, too, is a person who, subject to death, is not afraid or in terror of death."

With startling speed, Tsuyoshi was managing to get towards the end of the sutra. He should have only had a few more lines left, and then he could go and work on something else. But for now he had to sit down and focus on getting this done. His own handwriting was less than great in its progression; it had started out well, but now it was devolving into something that was less than legible. As such, he worked as hard as he could to make sure it didn't devolve too much, since this was meant to be his copy.

Tsuyoshi took a better look at the original scroll, admiring the workmanship that it had. Someone had definitely spent a lot of time and energy on this scroll. It almost made him feel bad that he wasn't spending a lot of time on his own in relation. The verse in this case was helpful for him, in that it addressed one of his concerns regarding death. The person who was certain of where they were going after death had no reason to fear it, since they knew where they were going to go. Thus, whoever knew what was coming could not fear the unknown and he could not fear what was going to happen to him. He didn't have to worry about suffering torment or losing anything, because everything was already explained.

Tsuyoshi really hoped that he could come to that certainty. He didn't feel that he had it just yet, but he did feel closer to it. It was just that with all that had happened in his life, with all the confusion and uncertainty, he didn't feel like there could be just one place like this, and he didn't know if he could choose anyway. He was still somewhat afraid of it, but it was more like dread than outright fear. It didn't slow him down, but it nagged at the back of his mind and bothered him on some base level. He knew he should probably go and talk to a monk or something, and get a better understanding so that he would be certain and not fear death, but the time never seemed to materialize. Maybe it was time for Tsuyoshi to make time for it. He wasn't like he could wait around and ignore it forever. And above all he didn't want to suffer in the end because he hadn't found time for it before he died.


Copying and Reflection on the Sutras
Description: Using the ancient wisdom of the Sutras, Tsuyoshi attempts to gain some form of wisdom.
Target DC: 15
Formula: 1d20+Wis Mod(+5)
Successful Attempts: 8/10
Failed Checks: 2

11+5 = 16. Success!


After a few careful brushstrokes, Tsuyoshi found himself finished with his work. It was amazing that he had taken the time to copy the scroll in its entirely, even though it was short. Surely there were others that he could copy, but he would do that at another time when he wasn't in between things. Too much too soon would only spoil anything that he might learn. He didn't want to disrespect those that had studied this kind of thing for the duration of their entire lives by acting like he had some form of deeper understanding with just a casual glance of the material.

But he did feel accomplished. He carefully wiped the brush off on a piece of disposable cloth, and bottled up the ink again so that it wouldn't spill as he was putting it away. He placed the utensils aside, carefully making sure that they couldn't be knocked into either his copy or the original scroll. The first thing he did with the original scroll was to roll it back up and secure it before taking it back over to the archive and replacing it where he had taken it from. There was nothing worse than trying to find something because the last person who had used it didn't put it back in the right place. After he returned to his copying desk, he waited for the last bit of ink to dry so it wouldn't smudge or bleed through the other side when it was rolled up. No use going through all this effort and then ruining it because he was careless.

Once the ink was dry, Tsuyoshi carefully rolled the parchment up and secured it around the middle with a bit of adhesive. It was just enough to secure it without running the risk of tearing the parchment when he tried to unroll it later. Finally, he secured the rest of his stuff in his pack, carefully double and then triple checking to ensure that he didn't forget anything. It would just be embarrassing if he left anything behind for the next person to find, not to mention it would be really rude on his part. Confident that he hadn't forgotten anything, Tsuyoshi turned and made his way out of the library and out into the village. It was time to go and get some more training in before the night was over.


Copying and Reflection on the Sutras
Description: Using the ancient wisdom of the Sutras, Tsuyoshi attempts to gain some form of wisdom.
Target DC: 15
Formula: 1d20+Wis Mod(+5)
Successful Attempts: 10/10 Finished!
Failed Checks: 2