Excerpt from something I am writing.

[Lenimph]

Author's Note: It takes place in Rome, it should be evident if you take in all the names and read more carefully. If you have a probelm with the fact that it takes place in Rome well thats your probelm and not mine. Venita (her real name is Victoria Octavius) is around 13 in this passage. Octi(Short for Octavius, servants simply got the name of the family, nicknames where given to loved servants) is the personal servant of Venita. Everything is about as historically accurate as can be, but remember of course that it is a work of fiction. Wish me luck I hope to get the whole book published when its done.

Venita’s family was split between two personas of religion. Her mother came from a family of artists and writers which gifted her in a strong education in the personification of the Gods from the Greeks, however her father learned about rituals and ceremonies that would gift his life and that was the purpose of the Gods. Marius agreed with his father, Lucius sided with his mother and Venita was uncertain. She loved the characters of the Gods and they made great subjects for poetry, but ceremonies and rituals were necessary otherwise a person would find no gifts. So Venita stood in the middle ground, if not, leaning more to her mother’s side.
At the time of growing adolescence Venita, who was now 13, took interest into the Goddess huntress Diana. She would stare at the moon at night a feel envy of the unattainable freedom; going out hunting and participating in athletic activities. The wild spirit of the Goddess was inside of her captivating her at night. Venita would no longer sleep at night instead she began a bad habit of staying up while the others slept. Octi would try her best to keep her eye on her but soon she would be captured by the spell of Somnus. The family new that all she did was walking in the Domus how ever one night was different…
Venita had waited until Octi had fallen asleep in her servant bed in the corner and wearing her house sandals escaped the confinement of her room walking quietly. She was still not used to the louder sounds of her new footsteps from her new womanly weight so it took much patience. She wrapped a blanket around herself for the fall nights were chilly. Exiting her room she entered the courtyard seeing their house cat Brutus and dog Abito. The cat was staring at her mother’s sleeping Peacocks. Horrible birds of beauty and bite. As a child they were most tempting to Venita because of their blue shade, her most favorite color. Now Venita thinks of taking revenge by coming behind one and plucking one of its precious feathers away and using it as a quill. But she decided such evil creatures’ feathers where not worthy of the praise to produce the beautiful words that came from hand. A vain thought, but something true. “No wonder they were symbolic of Juno.” Venita thought and shivered at the memory of being bitten when trying to pet their pretty feathers. “No wonder Jupiter seeks love with other woman.” She smothered her laugh.  

[Kenamarin_Shukai]

its really cool! i like the description you use of venita and her family and her beliefs, i just have some advice because i am a writer as well:
1) if this is about GREEK mythology then i think you should use GREEK names, but if this took place in ROME then you could keep the names the way they are.
2) i saw some places where you could have used commas to pause the sentences. we dont want your readers to go on forever in 1 sentence, they may want a comma to let them know they can take a REALLY short break from reading the sentence. that is, if you know what i mean.  

[Lenimph]

It takes place in Rome... thats why all the names are roman... I thought that was kind of obvious. I only used commas when it was grammicly correct, sorry if it seemed to drag on for a long time...  

[White Queen Amata]

It says the GREEK Gods! And you should have mentioned it takes place in Rome.

Also, Juno didn't complain and take revenge on Jupiter. She was more like the perfect housewife, never complaining and always doing everything for everyone. "Romanizing" basically means the Romans stole our mythology, drained all the character out of it, and now they're more famous! Isn't that wrong?

It's good though. I just hate Rome.  

[Lenimph]

Greek Triplegoddess

It says the GREEK Gods! And you should have mentioned it takes place in Rome.

Also, Juno didn't complain and take revenge on Jupiter. She was more like the perfect housewife, never complaining and always doing everything for everyone. "Romanizing" basically means the Romans stole our mythology, drained all the character out of it, and now they're more famous! Isn't that wrong?

It's good though. I just hate Rome.

IT TAKES PLACE IN ROME!!!! HER FATHER WORSHIPPED THE GODS THE ROMAN WAY BUT HER MOTHER"S FAMILY LIKED TO PRESERVE ALL OF THE ANCIENT GREEK MYTHS ...

Seriosly.. "GODS FROM THE GREEKS's" "personification" NOT MEANING GREEK GODS... IT TAKES PLACE IN ROME SO THEY USE THE ROMAN NAMES... THE REASON I MADE IT TAKE PLACE IN ROME IS BECUASE OF THE MORE FREEDOM THE WOMEN HAD THERE... at least the rich ones... Not only are all of the God's names Roman but so are the mortal's.. Venita is a nickname for Venus, Lucius is a Roman name ... DOMUS IS THE ROMAN NAME FOR A FREAKIN HOUSE... WHERE IN GREEK LANGUAGE DO THEY USE DOMUS!!!

Be thankful that the Roman's did what they did becuase we wouldn't have the Cupid/Pysche story which is Roman!! Believe it our not... Shakespeare would not have made wonderful metaphors about Cupid's wrath. By the way Hera did seek revenge upon the woman Zeus had affairs with and she did complain about Zeus all the damn time he would just hear inderectly. Don't kid yourself.

BY THE WAY All the Roman writers respected all of the ancient greek Philosphers and all of the art and all of the writings. They would read the Iliad and the Odyssey as required school work. They respected and honored their ideas. They didn't throw it in the trash and ruin it. Virgil's Aeniad is amazing, and their adaptions of the plays only minused the Chorus and kept the same tragedy's and the plays were relativly the same level of crude humor.

Name changes where only used to adapt them to Latin.

Anyway Im done, let me just say I've done extensive research on Ancient Rome... and if they really did trash the characters of the Gods i would not respect them the way I do.