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Mommy, Don't Get Mad, Get Even!
02.10.2008: I woke up in the middle of the night. "What a nightmare", I said to myself. I felt the need to write it down before I forgot. Perhaps it meant something. I lifted my backpack up onto the bed to get out my pen and notebook. The backpack seemed heavier than normal. I unzipped it and saw Shawn laying inside. What the-? Shawn seemed to have 'grown' a considerably large amount! This can't be the same doll... Suddenly its eyes began to open. I squealed in shock as I fell backwards, hitting my head on the wall. "Ow!" I whispered as I rubbed the newly forming goose egg on the back of my head. Shawn's little head popped up out of the bag as he stared at me with two bright, almost human-like eyes. He looked concerned. He crawled out of the bag and walked up to me and wrapped his arms around mine and stared straight into my eyes. It was almost as if he was saying, "Are you okay?" Then he released my arm and walked up to the wall I had hit my head against. The expression changed on his adorable little face as he began to look angry and started shaking his fist at the wall. All of my feelings of surprise began to vanish as I suddenly couldn't help but giggle. As he climbed onto my lap and attempted to wrap his arms around my waist, all of my questions seemed to vanish as well. This didn't seem like the right time to ask questions. This little bundle of burlap and yarn was making me feel the way I did with Shayne. Happy. Free. Loved. Only I somehow couldn't see how a doll who happened to be so protective of me could do nearly as much damage.
As I went to turn off the light, Shawn looked at me as if concerned. Not knowing what to say, I told him, "It's bed time". "B-bed?" he replied. He can talk? Is that scientifically possible? Well, then again nothing so far about his seems to be scientifically possible. "Yes. It's sleepy time". I turned off the light and lied down my head. I felt a small body enter into my arms. Am I still dreaming? Then I remembered that I hadn't written down my nightmare. Oh well. I can't remember it now anyways. Besides, if I was dreaming at that moment, I didn't want to risk waking up.

02.12.2008: Hiding Shawn has turned out to be more difficult than I had expected. I couldn't take him to school with me, and my family definitely wouldn't be ready for him. I convinced my grandpa to let me move down into a basement where there would be a private bathroom, shower, bedroom, refrigerator, and lounging room. It took some convincing, but he eventually agreed. Today I began moving all of my belongings down there. "Mommy, wha doin'?" asked Shawn. "We're moving!" I told him for the 20th time. He just stared at me curiously and I could tell that he wanted me to pick him up. I scooped him up and put him on my shoulder as I moved the last of my blankets and pillows down the stairs. This would be good for us. It would be much easier to hide Shawn as well as feed him. He would also have more room to play... and perhaps mischief... Once we were all set, I sat down and relaxed. The little burlap doll full of life had surprisingly taken me under his spell. I loved him. It had only been a couple of days and I already felt as if he had been my kid forever. I started teaching him the alphabet and the names of different animals. It brought me so much joy when he got something right. Is this what it feels like to be a parent? As I lied down with Shawn lying aside of me I realized that Shayne hasn't been on my mind nearly as much. Wait a minute! I haven't found out how his trip has been going yet! I raced to the phone and dialed his cell phone number. No answer.
02.13.2008: Shawn convinced me to take him to school for a day. I'm not quite sure how because he only knows a few words. He just sort-of looked up at me and said, "shkool?" and gave me a big pair of puppy dog eyes that I just couldn't resist. That's always been MY trick. So I put him in my backpack and he found a little hole in it for him to peek out of. Shayne was back. He was not happy about the trip. Apparently he couldn't find a hotel the first night because the reservations somehow got cancelled. He also had a few other misfortunes. He never figured out it was me, but I think he had an uneasy feeling that it was. For the most part he acted normal though. Shawn also got a little glimpse of him. When we got home from school he asked, "Hoo is him?" "Shayne", I replied. He then looked me in the eyes with a sorrowful look; one as if he knew who he was. Then he asked, "Hurt mommy?" I was very surprised by his question. How could he possibly know? Does he... remember being a doll? After I didn't respond for a moment, Shawn somehow noticed the hurt in my eyes. He knew what the answer was. "Wha' he do?" he asked. I picked him up, gave him a hug, and placed him in my lap. "I'll tell you when you get older."

02.14.2008: The day was fairly interesting. Shayne gave me flowers and copied a few cd's for me. It really surprised me. Apparently he broke up with his girlfriend. After school he asked me to stay after for a little while and said he'd give me a ride home in about a half an hour. This made me a bit nervous, but he wouldn't let me say no. He would just interrogate me until I agreed. As school got out, I saw him waving at me and motioning me to follow him. Here we go again. He took me to a couch in one of the school's wings and cuddled me. We talked about random things for a while before he leaned in to kiss me. I really didn't want to, but he sort-of forced it on me. After a couple minutes of kissing, he looked me in the eyes and smiled. "Will you go out with me?" he asked. Oh no. Not again... "I... I'll think about it." I replied after a few moments of silence. He nodded and asked if I wanted a ride home. I agreed. He drove me home. In the driveway he gave me a big smooch and said, "Think about it. Let me know tomorrow." As I walked up the driveway and around to the front door, I noticed Shawn's head peeking out the window at me. As I walked through the door I immediately felt two soft arms wrap around my leg. "Whare were yoo?" He asked. I could tell that he had been worried sick. I knelt down, pulled out a box of chocolate, said "Happy Valentine's Day", and kissed his forehead. The candy seemed to be a good enough answer for him.

02.16.2008: I gave in. I was dating the loser. I was ashamed of it, but I knew it wouldn't last long. Besides, last time I never actually dated him. He said he wanted to date me, but after I went to his house and we "played around" he changed his mind and went out with Marissa. Well, at least I'll be able to actually call him my 'ex' soon enough instead of my 'sort-of ex'.
I walked through the front door to head a whimpering sound. I listened more closely. It was my cat meowing obnoxiously as if it was dying. I followed the whining until I found my cat with a rope tied to his tail and attached to the piano leg. I wonder how long he's been like that... I untied the poor kitty and then realized it was probably Shawn. "Shawn!" I shouted. Then I searched the house until I found him sitting on the basement floor coloring a picture on a piece of paper. "Shawn, what did you do to the poor cat?" Shawn thought about it for a second and the nervously replied, "He ate ma cookie so I got back a' 'im." I shook my head. "Shawn, we'll talk about this later. Go in the sleepy room and play." As he walked towards the bedroom, I noticed the picture he was coloring. It was a drawing of Shayne with a big X through his body. I wanted to slap myself. Gosh, am I a bad role model?

02.17.2008: I wanted to make this day about nothing but me and Shawn. As I woke up from my amazing dream I was irritated by the sound of my alarm clock. As I rubbed the sleepiness from my eyes, I glanced over and noticed Shawn was still asleep. I wanted to surprise him. I went out into the kitchen and began to make the only thing I knew how to: scrambled eggs. After they were cooked, I added cheese which Shawn has always loved. I also poured him a bowl of fruity pebbles and a small glass of orange juice. I wasn't sure if Shawn could eat it all, but I would eat whatever he didn't. I tip-toed back into my room to find Shawn still asleep. I gently woke him up and carried him into the dining room. He had a joyful expression on his face when he noticed his favorite food. He ate nearly all of it. My grandparents were at church. I decided that Shawn and I could have our own church service that day... sort-of. In my room I found a devotional book for kids and I went through a devotion with Shawn. I was surprised to find him intrigued by it and asking lots of questions. Perhaps we could do it like this from now on to reduce the risk of people finding out about Shawn.
After our devotion I tried to teach him some new things like the abc's, his numbers and how to count, colors, and how to talk properly. He did extremely well and I was surprised by how fast he was catching on and how well his speech was improving.
After some home-schooling we decided to watch a movie. I was surprised, but quite happy to find that he wasn't interested in movies like Barney and things like that. He was interested in action, adventure, and scary movies. I didn't want to show him anything with too much violence of course. So we decided to watch some cartoons like "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow". He still seemed to prefer real life people over cartoons though. I didn't think he was quite ready yet to watch movies like "Scream". I didn't want to corrupt him too young. Plus I seriously wanted to start being a good influence in his life. I didn't want to come home one day to find a dead cat.
After a couple movies, I glanced over at Shawn. He was sleeping. I guess it's nap time. I lied down and decided to take a nap as well.

02.18.2008: I saw this coming. So why did it hit me so hard? Why was I locked in my room, crying my eyes out, and writing dark poetry? It didn't make a whole lot of sense. I brought it on myself. Perhaps I did it because it would make me feel like less of a whore. A while back when he was with one of his girlfriends, he asked me if I'd date him after he broke up with her. When I visited him at his house I didn't realize he hadn't broken up with her yet. I thought we were dating at that point, but we weren't. He told me he loved me and told me how beautiful I was just to hook-up with me before dating someone else. Now I felt like more of a whore. Especially since that night before he went on his trip. What he did that night was lower than I ever thought he could do... I had no reason to cry. I did this to myself. That's what hurt even worse.
Through Shawn's Eyes: Mommy cried today. I watched her. She was talking on the phone to someone and she just started crying before she got mad and hung up. I could tell who it was. I saw scratches on mommy's arm. They were bad and reminded me of the scar on my tummy. I dunno what that mean boy did to her, but he won't get away with it. No one makes mommy cry and gets away with it. If she won't get even, I will. No one hurts mommy. No one.

02.19.2008: Shawn was definitely up to something. I could tell just by the way he was acting. Or maybe it was just a maternal instinct of some sort. The basement was trashed when I got home from school. The toilet paper was all unrolled, the sink was filled with water and bubbles, the blankets were all on the floor, and there were stains all over the carpet. Somehow I couldn't believe that it was the cat like Shawn told me. I know he must have been bored. We needed to get out and do something together outside of the house. The problem though was not letting people see him. They might freak out if they see a walking and talking doll. Shawn heard me talking about going snowmobiling with Shayne and Marissa. Ever since then he had been bugging me non-stop asking me if he could come along. I was trying to figure out a way to hide him if he did come along. I came to the conclusion that he could hide in my snowsuit because it has a lot of pockets, some his size. This will be interesting.

02.21.2008: We were almost all bundled up and ready to go. The snowmobiles were in the back yard waiting for us to get on. Shawn asked to go play in the snow while I got my suit on. I obliged considering it would be much easier to get ready if I didn't have to worry about anyone seeing him. After Marissa, Shayne, and I were ready we headed outside. It was dark and it was snowing. The stars were twinkling. It was beautiful. Marissa and Shayne started walking towards their snowmobiles when I felt a little tug on my pants. It was Shawn, of course. I picked him up and helped him climb into my snowsuit pocket. It was just the right size. I went up to my snowmobile, started it up, and put my helmet on. Everyone got on their snowmobiles and we gave each other thumbs ups to show we were ready. I had the most experience with snowmobiling and I knew the area pretty well, so I went first. I gave it some gas and I was off. I could hear Marissa behind me, and then Shayne. It had been such I long time since I had done this last. I was so excited. Shawn seemed to be getting excited as well. Suddenly though, when I started to gain speed, I hear a great THUNK! followed by a crash. I stopped immediately and looked over my shoulder. It was Shayne! I got off my snowmobile and ran towards him. I could tell he was gonna be okay because of his hollering and cursing. The snowmobile had flipped though. I was sure the only reason he didn't get hurt any worse was because he had his helmet on and flew into a snow bank. It could have been deadly. How did this happen? I looked to see the cause of it. As I inspected his snowmobile, I noticed a rope tied to the back of it. I followed the rope with my eyes and noticed that it was tied to a tree. SHAWN!! "I'll go call for help!" I shouted towards Shayne. I quickly ran into the house and pulled Shawn out of my pocket. The look on his face told me that he knew I was very upset. He could also tell that I was waiting for an answer, though I hadn't asked a question. He simply looked me in the eyes, shrugged his shoulders, and said, "Mommy, don't get mad, get even!"