heart ... Autumn leaves fall and are swept out of sight ...
WARNING: The following involves links to big pictures, and one of them has a swear word on it.
Title: Legend
By: Ridley Scott
Year': 1985
Genre: Fantasy
Summery: The basic storyline is that the Lord of Darkness ((Tim Curry)) – who either gets referred to as “my Lord” by his goblin followers or “Darkness” by any other character for lack of an actual name ((mind, one of his servants did refer to him as “Big D”)) – is plotting to send the world into darkness and rule the universe with the power of the unicorns. Meanwhile, a girl – a princess, as things like this would have it ((Princess Lili, played by Mia Sara)) – is in love with a boy who lives in the forest, Jack ((Tom Cruise)). One day he takes her to see unicorns and she disobeys his warning by going up to one and touching one of the sacred animals ((there’s two)). As she’s doing this the goblins shoot it with a poison arrow causing panic, and then when the unicorn dies they cut off its horn to give to Darkness. As the world plunges into Winter, Princess Lili is captured, Darkness tries to seduce her to be his bride and Jack, with the help of other forest dwellers ((including one pixie-in-disguise faerie called Oona who’s in love with Jack)) must travel to the home of Darkness and defeat him to save the world and the princess.
From the very beginning you can tell this movie is going to be a failure; especially if you watch it with the subtitles on, like I just did in order to write this review ((actually watched it a couple of days ago out of complete boredom and now I’m going through it with a fine tooth comb)). Grant subtitles that say what sound effect is being made always drags a movie down, but some of the phrases they chose for this are just ridiculous.
You see?
The subtitles don’t get any better throughout, sadly. Example, another example. There’s even a typo in one frame ((there might have been more, actually, I'm not sure)). At least – if you watch it with the subtitles – they give you something to laugh or scream at, as the story is boring as pox.
Speaking of things to scream at, you’ll find a lot of things don’t make sense. For one, why Jack suddenly has glitter all over his body when he enters the cave that houses the armour and weapons he must gather. Why Darkness starts talking to his invisible father halfway through the film. Why Oona decides to run when she has the ability to fly. Or why Screwball was asleep at the top of the hole when he was waiting for a signal to use the metal plate to reflect the sunlight. Little things like that throughout the film run rampant and cause aggravation.
I’m going to be blunt: I hate Tom Cruise. I’ve never liked him. Ever. And watching his f**k-awful acting was just agony. The only time I enjoyed seeing Cruise on screen in this film was when he got trapped under the ice and nearly drowned. I take it someone in the costume department was a woman and loved him, as for a lot of the film he wears golden chest armour, boots …
AND NO PANTS!
I had the decency to pick a frame that looked like it had been censored. You really didn’t need to see the clear-view frame.
If he had been wearing pants, this wouldn’t have happened.
Mia Sara’s acting was only a little better than Cruise’s. So much of Princess Lili could have been portrayed better, but at least she was able to perfectly establish that despite her love of visiting simple folk she’s really a brat. It may not have been their desired effect but that’s the strongest effect there was. The only good thing I can say is that she got one hell of a costume when Darkness gives her a black gown. Oh, and while I’m on here, another nuisance is her costume at the end; she was unconscious ever since the final battle, in which she was in the black gown, but at the end in the field she’s in a white gown and still hasn’t woken. WHO CHANGED HER?!
Poor Tim Curry; type-cast again. And what’s more he’s been given some of the worst lines in the film ((the majority of the lines are horrible but he got some real cringe-worthy ones)). The make-up and costume department did a good job though; you can barely tell it’s him unless you can recognise that Pennywise smirk that flickers now and then. Of course the voice is a giveaway too, but the sound department have deepened him to something that would be unrecognisable to non-Curry fans. I’m a Curry fan so naturally I can recognise him now, and I must confess that when I saw this when I was little I thought there was something very familiar about him and Darkness became the only reason I watched the movie intently ((still is)). If you must know, I fell in love with his voice when Fern Gully was released onto video, even though I had no idea who he was or what he looked like, and never found so until I was 15 and saw Rocky Horror.
I was 5 when Fern Gully came out!
Oh, and I do have another complaint to the costume department:
WHY?!
Honestly, was that really necessary?! There's enough glitter in this film to make Tinkerbell puke, putting it on Curry crossed the line.
There's just one more thing I'd like to point out; this is children's film. In case that wasn't obvious. It's a dark fantasy film for children, but even when I was a kid it wasn't scary. And for those who are fearful of letting children anywhere near swearing ((we're raised on swearing here; they're just words after all [except the C and the N words; those I refuse to use])), I've got news: Yes, there is a swear in this; made by a goblin that is later revealed to be a faerie. Now, I never noticed this as a kid; I didn't even pick it out until I watched the movie with subtitles, so don't get all riled up for a one-second swear and therefore deny your kids of watching this film; they need to learn how to laugh at the idiotic and a dark fantasy film starring a half-dressed Tom Cruise is about as idiotic as it gets.
Rating: I give 1 star. The reasons why it doesn’t get flicked are Tim Curry, the swearing, the lovely black gown and the fact that it’s so stupid you have to laugh at it.
Title: Legend
By: Ridley Scott
Year': 1985
Genre: Fantasy
Summery: The basic storyline is that the Lord of Darkness ((Tim Curry)) – who either gets referred to as “my Lord” by his goblin followers or “Darkness” by any other character for lack of an actual name ((mind, one of his servants did refer to him as “Big D”)) – is plotting to send the world into darkness and rule the universe with the power of the unicorns. Meanwhile, a girl – a princess, as things like this would have it ((Princess Lili, played by Mia Sara)) – is in love with a boy who lives in the forest, Jack ((Tom Cruise)). One day he takes her to see unicorns and she disobeys his warning by going up to one and touching one of the sacred animals ((there’s two)). As she’s doing this the goblins shoot it with a poison arrow causing panic, and then when the unicorn dies they cut off its horn to give to Darkness. As the world plunges into Winter, Princess Lili is captured, Darkness tries to seduce her to be his bride and Jack, with the help of other forest dwellers ((including one pixie-in-disguise faerie called Oona who’s in love with Jack)) must travel to the home of Darkness and defeat him to save the world and the princess.
From the very beginning you can tell this movie is going to be a failure; especially if you watch it with the subtitles on, like I just did in order to write this review ((actually watched it a couple of days ago out of complete boredom and now I’m going through it with a fine tooth comb)). Grant subtitles that say what sound effect is being made always drags a movie down, but some of the phrases they chose for this are just ridiculous.
You see?
The subtitles don’t get any better throughout, sadly. Example, another example. There’s even a typo in one frame ((there might have been more, actually, I'm not sure)). At least – if you watch it with the subtitles – they give you something to laugh or scream at, as the story is boring as pox.
Speaking of things to scream at, you’ll find a lot of things don’t make sense. For one, why Jack suddenly has glitter all over his body when he enters the cave that houses the armour and weapons he must gather. Why Darkness starts talking to his invisible father halfway through the film. Why Oona decides to run when she has the ability to fly. Or why Screwball was asleep at the top of the hole when he was waiting for a signal to use the metal plate to reflect the sunlight. Little things like that throughout the film run rampant and cause aggravation.
I’m going to be blunt: I hate Tom Cruise. I’ve never liked him. Ever. And watching his f**k-awful acting was just agony. The only time I enjoyed seeing Cruise on screen in this film was when he got trapped under the ice and nearly drowned. I take it someone in the costume department was a woman and loved him, as for a lot of the film he wears golden chest armour, boots …
AND NO PANTS!
I had the decency to pick a frame that looked like it had been censored. You really didn’t need to see the clear-view frame.
If he had been wearing pants, this wouldn’t have happened.
Mia Sara’s acting was only a little better than Cruise’s. So much of Princess Lili could have been portrayed better, but at least she was able to perfectly establish that despite her love of visiting simple folk she’s really a brat. It may not have been their desired effect but that’s the strongest effect there was. The only good thing I can say is that she got one hell of a costume when Darkness gives her a black gown. Oh, and while I’m on here, another nuisance is her costume at the end; she was unconscious ever since the final battle, in which she was in the black gown, but at the end in the field she’s in a white gown and still hasn’t woken. WHO CHANGED HER?!
Poor Tim Curry; type-cast again. And what’s more he’s been given some of the worst lines in the film ((the majority of the lines are horrible but he got some real cringe-worthy ones)). The make-up and costume department did a good job though; you can barely tell it’s him unless you can recognise that Pennywise smirk that flickers now and then. Of course the voice is a giveaway too, but the sound department have deepened him to something that would be unrecognisable to non-Curry fans. I’m a Curry fan so naturally I can recognise him now, and I must confess that when I saw this when I was little I thought there was something very familiar about him and Darkness became the only reason I watched the movie intently ((still is)). If you must know, I fell in love with his voice when Fern Gully was released onto video, even though I had no idea who he was or what he looked like, and never found so until I was 15 and saw Rocky Horror.
I was 5 when Fern Gully came out!
Oh, and I do have another complaint to the costume department:
WHY?!
Honestly, was that really necessary?! There's enough glitter in this film to make Tinkerbell puke, putting it on Curry crossed the line.
There's just one more thing I'd like to point out; this is children's film. In case that wasn't obvious. It's a dark fantasy film for children, but even when I was a kid it wasn't scary. And for those who are fearful of letting children anywhere near swearing ((we're raised on swearing here; they're just words after all [except the C and the N words; those I refuse to use])), I've got news: Yes, there is a swear in this; made by a goblin that is later revealed to be a faerie. Now, I never noticed this as a kid; I didn't even pick it out until I watched the movie with subtitles, so don't get all riled up for a one-second swear and therefore deny your kids of watching this film; they need to learn how to laugh at the idiotic and a dark fantasy film starring a half-dressed Tom Cruise is about as idiotic as it gets.
Rating: I give 1 star. The reasons why it doesn’t get flicked are Tim Curry, the swearing, the lovely black gown and the fact that it’s so stupid you have to laugh at it.
... So are the memories of love that we knew ... heart
