Welcome to Gaia! ::

It's creepy.
Almost like some weird
unseen guidance guided me...
To keep me from pain...
Or that I caused it in another
and this is punishment...
I don't know...
In 5th Grade (four years ago)
I went on this trip with the GT (gifted and talented)
class. We are relatively small.
And I felt this total connection with this one guy.
After the trip was over, he totally gushed
to a friend how much he liked meh.
So the friend relayed the message and I
turned him down on becoming a couple.
I liked him, but I was scared and turned him down
without thinking.
Now, four years later, at different schools,
He is now bedridden with cancer at a
St. Jude medical center.
I feel terrible almost as if it's my fault.
And I know it wasn't so I don't need that
talk, but it's the fact that you just never
know how those things pop up.
It's upsetting.
I really liked him,
and screwing up my chances has always
been a huge regret...and then I go and
turn him down and he gets cancer not long
afterward.
What makes me feel even worse is how
I've moved on to other people, (aka the guy
I fancy that is written about in the poem thread).
I'm not religious, but it's almost like I've been sheilded
from being hurt back then because it was a tender
time in my life. I wanted to accept, but almost involuntarily
I spurt out no.
It's weird.
The mind said one thing the mouth said another.
Maybe I just had the subconscious foresight.
I don't know.
But I just had to tell somebody about this, because
ole bff doesn't call until, well about an hour and a half.

Whenever my boyfriend Matt is having a bad day, I always feel like it's my fault and I feel bad, but I know it never is.. I just want him to feel better, ya know? I feel sad because I never know what to do to cheer him up D: I try and try but he doesn't cheer up and it eventually turns out that all I had to do was something dumb and simple xD

Awww. sad Don't feel bad, Volly, it certainly has nothing to do with you. You can't change the past or anything, so there's no use in regreting anything, either. That's a big problem my dad has. He's always talking about things he wishes he'd done, and then when he gets started he'll be angry the rest of the day, and just sulk, or get really mad at the littlest things. It upsets me.

And as for your mind saying one thing and your mouth saying another, that's a big problem I have. It seems like it happens a lot when really I want to say yes more then anything I immediately say no, out of fear, or panic or... something.

But you shouldn't feel bad. There's no way you could have caused him getting cancer. No way at all.

But you know at times it easier said then done. ive had that before were my friend got in a fight and the next day ending up having his brother die from an undertow in a lake. i felt so bad since i didn't talk to him after the fight and then when i got told of his brother i felt really bad.

Aww! Volly! *huggles* It's not your fault at all. :C That sounds so horrible.

Sometimes things happen for a reason. Like your mind and mouth, I can say from experience. Of course, sometimes things don't work out for the best, they'll just happen for a reason. Which makes things sad. D: :C *huggles*

@Rexxie- That's so horrible! *huggles* It's not your fault. You can't control whether your parents decide to move or not. :C I'm really sorry about that. Makes me cry when I hear about this kind of stuff. *cries*

Both of you, go make yourselves some cupcakes. They make you feel better. With extra frosting/toppings/whatever you like on cake. 'Kay? c:

dont feel bad~ *hug*

i've had a similar feeling, like i cant watch someone get embarrased because i feel so bad for them i feel ebarrased myself! if i know a character in a movie im watching is about to make a fool out of themselfs i actually found myself walking out of the room so i dont have to watch them get embarrased!

Aww D=
Shin up Volly dahling.
Twasn't your fault at all,
and I'm sure that he doesn't feel that it was your fault.

So you know what you should do?
You should watch some funny movies and eat cake.
=D