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 Posted: Fri Dec 21, 2007 6:27 pm
I have three situations, well two are mine. I asked these on another site, and basically I'm having one heck of a time waiting for a response, and then something else came up (which shall be my third situation). I'll color code the situations, and may I have some advice on them? Thank you very much!
Situation 1:My friend: Basically, two years ago, she went out with this guy. They broke up, it wasn't pretty because of mean girlish manipulation, but then they made up, realizing the whole situation was manipulated, and they are best friends now. They started becoming real close last year, I mean, absolute best friends, could rely on each other for anything. Well, he started getting a crush on her, not a big crush, but a crush none the less. She found out by accident, and didn't know what to do because it shocked her, and her mind was telling her that she didn't want to ruin the friendship she had and to remember what happened last time, but she didn't know what she felt about it, so she just went with her mind. He asked her to homecoming, and she no. Well, she thought about it that night, and the next day, she was going to tell him she changed her mind, just to see how it felt (maybe two years of maturity would make everything better). But, her friend, unknowing of what had happened earlier that day, had asked him out that night, and he accepted. Well, I guess it was that night my friend realized that she could return those feelings to him, and she thought she'd brush it off. But, because he is wrapped up in his girlfriend, I guess it put a dent in the friendship, and she also absolutely misses that. Its been going on since September, and she just feels like crap. She says she will never let it get to her, but really, it has been. Any advice I can pass on to her?
Situation 2:Now mine xD: Well, like my friend here, I swear I will never 'fall in love' in high school, or get crushes (partially since my last major crush who I thought I had a chance with turned out to be gay, I'm still friends with him, but it kind of threw a big dent in having a chance with him xD). Well, I've been noticing more and more guys are paying more attention to me, I guess. I'm not sure if its for romantic intentions, or friend intentions. Well, after 4 years of bickering with one guy, we all of a sudden started getting along this year. So, yesternight at our X-mas ball, he was looking bored, and I was really cold, so I did ask him to dance (half-way through a song because I'm chicken actually when it comes to doing that xD). Well, it was really ackward, and no matter what my friends said, I really feel weird about it, and hope I didn't give him the wrong impression. I've been enjoying this starting of a friendship, and I hope my random survival impulse to stay warm (which is really the reason I asked someone to dance with me, sad enough xD) didn't give him the wrong impression and would make things ackward with him. I don't know what advice I need on this one, but I would like someone's opinion on if one of the shy girls asked a guy to dance finally, what would you think?
Final Situation xD: Ok, as I mentioned in my above statement, I basically want to wait until college before I 'fall in love' or get into serious relationships. Well, I guess, logically, that makes sense, but recently, I've been noticing some strange things (well, all guys are strange things, right?). Well, like I said, that one guy at the dance, well, I guess part of the reason I asked him was I noticed him looking in my direction a lot at the dance. Then yesterday when we went to perform in the mall and I was playing in Jazz band, he was staring at me the whole time (he's in Swing Choir with me). Its odd.
Then another guy that I always argue with (notice the pattern here? xD), well, one day in band we were doing nothing so I went into the practice room. He was there working on homework, so I had to put up with it. Well, basically, before I started practicing my flute, we started a conversation.
I mentioned something about people not liking me very much:
Him: "How come? I doubt people don't like you."
Me: "Well, I've been an outsider for the four years I've lived here, why should I fit in now?"
Him: "Well, you are the coolest outsider I've met."
I had to pause a minute to think about that, and said thank you, and he just came back at me saying not to go all gushy on him. Then, using the program on the school, I was playing through my solo I'm doing for competition I basically just got, we laughed a bunch since basically at some parts I said "Screw it." Even though I don't say stuff like that a lot, and he helped me out when the stupid program would pause (needs a microphone to hear where I am). Then we actually got into some non-argumentative conversations after that.
Well, two days later, we had our show at the mall. So, basically, we performed, and then got to do whatever for an hour and a half. When we were all back, he said, "Katie, you look nice today!" then went off to talk with other people. (Katie's my real name, on here I go by Gabrielle/Gabby). I'm extremely confused. I'm pathetic when it comes to this stuff, I mean I can most of the time give advice to other people, but not to myself (and my friend in the first situation xD)
Thank you for your time! Any advice whatsoever would be fabulous!!! And I hope I'm putting this in the right spot, since I'm kind of new here sweatdrop .
.:Gabrielle Viltras:.
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Posted: Fri Dec 21, 2007 7:34 pm
Situation 1: Unfortunately, there's not a whole lot that you can do in this situation. It sounds as if your friend made a poor decision in saying such a hasty no to this guy the second time around. I understand that she didn't want to ruin the friendship, but now that she and this guy are better friends, they are better equipped to handle a relationship with each other. Having said that, your friend needs to fully understand that the ship has probably sailed on their romantic relationship.
Also, as the saying goes, newlyweds see only each other, and I expect the same goes for new boyfriends and girlfriends. He is totally wrapped up in his girlfriend right now because the relationship is still new. Your friend should try to schedule some private time with this guy to get some closure on the situation [maybe talk about why she said no and how lonely she has been feeling]. The bottom line is, she has to accept that it does bother her before she can understand why and move past it. Ignoring the situation helps no one.
What you can do is encourage her to admit and accept these feelings. Let her know that it's perfectly natural to be jealous, and that it won't change your opinio of her. Let her know that you care, and that you're genuinely concerned about her. Sometimes a caring friend can do a lot to soothe painful wounds.
Situation 2: I think you're over worrying about the situation, to be quite honest. Unless this guy starts reciprocating in some way, there's really not a problem to deal with. He most likely didn't think anything of it, especially if the two of you are friends. You could always drop some hints around him that you're not prepared for a long-term relationship. Whether or not the hints are really needed remain to be seen.
Situation 3: You sound like you're in your mid teens, so it's very natural that guys will be noticing you more. However, that doesn't meant you have to do anything about it, or that their intentions are automatically of a sexual nature. Just continue acting normally until something occurs that you can't ignore. At that time, then you can sit the guy in question down and have a long discussion with him on why you don't feel that you're ready for a relationship. Just because a guy gives you some compliments doesn't mean that he wants to get in your pants. Some guys are just more sensitive than others. As with situation two, I think you're currently seeing problems where there are none.
Finally, I'm not sure what has happened in your past, but I do implore you to not rule out love in your high school years. Love can be something that occurs unexpectedly, and the very last thing it will is follow the rules of logic. All I'm saying is that while you shouldn't invite love into your life, don't close your heart to the possibility based on a sense of years. After all, even though high school romances rarely last, they can teach you important things about love that you will need for your future. Basically, love can be unexpected, and you can end up hurting yourself more if you deny it where you need it [hope that makes sense].
Good luck!
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Posted: Sun Dec 23, 2007 5:46 am
Sad to say after the Chibi has spoken there's not usually much more advice to be given.
I would say enjoy the attention though. You don't know how long it will last. Might not last that long at all. you never know. But I hope it will for your sake and the best of luck to you and your friend with your romantic lives!
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Posted: Sun Dec 23, 2007 10:17 am
Thank you everyone! I will pass that all on to my friend.
Yeah, I guess about the dance, I was a little worried because I am considered shy, and I guess I'm worried about the image that it gives for the shy girl to ask a guy to dance.
I am 16, and I understand that. Its not that I'm uncomfortable, I guess it was a little shocking for the sudden change of behavior.
Well, I guess as well, I just wanted to wait until college because I know I will probably find someone there that is more mature, or I don't have the perspective of what they were like from the geeky boy ages in middle school. I also guess I just don't want to be tied down to here, I don't want to be like the people who's families have been here for generations, and I want to make sure I can get away as much as possible.
I would write more right now, but I'm at my grandmother's house, and probably this'll be the last time I get on until I get back home next weekend. Thank you both for advising, it also felt good to kind of write out my thoughts as well and for someone to listen!
-Gabrielle Viltras-
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Posted: Sun Dec 23, 2007 4:19 pm
Sailor_Chibi definitely covered it. xD
But while I'm here, I'll drop a few lines anyway. Because I can. [<
Making yourself avoid "love" or "crushes" altogether isn't healthy at your age. Just let it flow. Go with it. Because one day, when you're studying so hard to get the grades you want in college or university, you may find yourself stressed and losing your libido. Seriously.
It can happen. A lot of teens think "I'll save it for college when I'm more mature and ready", but what we fail to realize is that things don't always work the way we planned them.
I am so sure guys notice me once in awhile. Not that I approve (x'D I think they could do a lot better), but I'm so wrapped up in my own problems and career status that I really don't have time for anything else. It's like a survival instinct. Before romance comes securing ourselves.
Secondly, I wouldn't give this guy much thought. xD If he actually approaches you then you deal with the situation as it comes. If you're interested, then maybe you should be giving it a bit more thought.
Outsiders tend to attract more attention anyway. Especially if you didn't grow up with them, they find you more attractive, I find. They didn't see you through your awkward phase. =]
I've never been in once place too long, so this is especially true for me. The one place I stayed the longest, I found I had more trouble with friendships I had already formed after awhile. xD It's like some people can't deal with knowing you too long. Pfft.
Finally, regarding your friend's situation; I couldn't really say anything nice, even if her best guy friend broke up with his current girlfriend and was available. I'm not the hugest fan of best friends dating. =x='''
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