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Okay.. I'm usually a really cheerful girl, i love doing crazy things to make people laugh, but since the summer holidays, my mood dropped, a lot. I'm not really sure why, could be a lot of things; don't get a long with my mum, or my dad's drinking problems. But fact is, i was really mad in a period and my bf Rick told me that, cause well I weren't really nice being around in that mood. I was glad he told, but then I got really sad instead.
Which didn't make it better, I noticed that he wasn't really in love with me anymore, and it absolutely devastated me.
So we had a long talk, and he told me that he still loved me a lot and didn't want to lose me, but our relationship couldn't continue like this. And I totally understand, so I said to myself I wanted to the old cheerful girl instead of having this depresive mood, and I have changed, and I love it, rather being happy than crying all the time. And it's like Rick wants to be with me again and when I'm about to go home he holds me and won't let go.
When we had the long talk he said that it would probably take a while for him to really want me again, that it wasn't something that would change in a couple of weeks, I asked if he thought things were going better and he said a little bit but we werent done yet, and maybe it's me who's impatient, but I really really miss the relationship we had, but there's still something missing, I think som acknowledgment from him or just... I don't feel safe, I mean, I'm terrified he doesn't want me though things are getting better. I just really hate not being sure, since he really is the best thing that's happend to me...
My question is, should I just loosen up and just let the insecurity go and just give him a bit more time?

We're both 18, I have a small job besides school. He's a musician and spends lots of time on his music besides school also smile
I'm very pleased that he's helping and want me to feel better, I'm just stuck with guilt, youu know I feel like I've let him down, and I guess just wanna fix it a fast as possible, but it takes time, which is fair and understandable. It just makes me insecure.

Yea I'll have to lose the guilt and just be more patient. I'll try do my best, thanks for the advice Sui heart

Well, seems like he's getting used to the happy me again, he said a couple of days ago that he would do a lot for me, cause I was a happy girlfriend before we went to sleep. It's getting a bit better, but it'll probably take a while before every things good again and we'll get 100% close. But as long as it goes the right way, it's good.
But will probably still have some days where I'm a bit down about it till it's okay, cause lol, I will never let this happen again, it terrible to feel unsecure about someone you love.
And I'm really glad you would listen to me, it meant a lot 3nodding

I do have a feeling about what it was about. My cousins mum who I look up to a lot, very wise and spiritual, told me because I had to keep my dad's drinking problem a secret for so many years (since I was 6-7) and was split because the older I got, the more I realised that it was really wrong, then when I cry about something, I also cry about my father, cause I didn't cry about it for many years. And, it's just, he doesn't really drink that much since I confronted him and didn't wanna go see him every second weekend, but when I'm going to my granparents sometimes and he and my uncle comes too, to have a family dinner, he's showed up drunk a couple of times, and it just hurts so bad, it angers me, and dissapoint me, and I don't always know how to let it out... I just really wanna scream at him, I want my the dad I never had. I have tried talking about this, but it's like, me friends just don't get it. I need to talk about it still. I just don't know who to go to anymore. My bf has helped me a lot with this though. If it's not only about my father then I might have a bit winter depression, but I'm not sure, it's just like I tend to get caught in bad moods.

And I'm not trying to be a fake smiling doll or anything, cause my bf is right, it does not look like me to be so sad, cause that's not me, of course you feel down sometimes and that's totally okay. But 4 months, that's just not good. I'm feeling a lot better though, it's nice to be able to laugh at almost nothing again which was all what Nathalie was about 3nodding I just need to relax and try not to over analyse everything I guess.

I do walk a little bit on eggshells around Rick, I think though, but that's just because I know I've upset him. He's also really stressed out at the moment, so he's got a bit shitty mood xD I guess I just have to wait and see, I know he loves me and I'm proud he didn't leave me, it kinda shows how much he cares I think. We talk about things a lot, cause we want our relationship to last, we're both beginners, so maybe that has a bit to say too blaugh

That is really messed up with the dad situation. It is good that you are talking about it now though, sounds like you need to get it off your chest more.

Parents are an odd thing. They are supposed to be mature and take care of us, but sometimes we can find ourselves in a situation where they just arent like that.

Perhaps your friends dont get it becuase they dont have a parent like that. They are supposed to be their for us to look up to and when they fail it is very confusing. Or if you ever feel like you perhaps are the more mature one that has to take care of them!

They are supposed to be the safty blanket, the net, the sheilding. And when you find that they arent those things, it is depressing. I never really had a solid family situation myself, and it can be scary to know that your parents arent what they are "supposed" to be, or like other people's parents.

Then you confronted him about being a drunk, and he slows it down, but still shows up drunk. Probably makes you feel a little like he doesnt care about you enough to stop drinking. But you have to be sure that you dont internalize that. Becuase no matter what is the reason he is drinking, it certaining isnt your fault. For whatever reason, for boredom, for solice, for social interaction, he decided to go into that life and now is probably a bit stuck. Addiction is *really* hard to break! I know people who were sweet, who were geninue, who would try so hard to get out of that lifestyle and fall back into it.

You can talk to some of these people untill they are blue in the face, but some just wont change right then and there. You can do your part, and tell them how you feel about it, what you want of them, but at the end of the day it is their choice to put forth the massive effort to get some help(if it is that severe) or just not take that one drink.
It isnt your failure though that he didnt stop.

The main part of issues like this is just that we all have to accept other people as they are. It is like, you tell them what you feel, what you want, what you expect, but at the end of the day you have to accept that they are capable of failing at things. They may not change at all. But what you are in control of is what you say, so you say and do what you feel is right, but at the end of the day you have to know that what goes on with them isnt your fault. They are human just like us, and fail just like us.

I never knew my dad since DSS intervened when I was younger and I ended up living with my mom and brother. I just personally have come to terms with the messed up situations by just accepting that parent is just a word, and that they are just people. Some aren't as good at the implied duties of parenthood because of their own issues that are more out there than the preceived norm.

That is good that you arent trying to be a fake doll. . Very glad to here that. I just know a lot of guys that basically want that, and have seen so many girls trying to be that. *shudder*

So now the tables are turned a little since he is in the bad mood. I can see why you would want to be careful, two bad moods can be burning_eyes xd

Perhaps when he is in a better mood and things are smoother you can then feel more ok with expressing some slight negative things here and there when you feel the need.

As a beginner, you are doing a pretty good job just talking a lot to each other. That really can solve so much. Communication is one of the essential things in a relationship, and when it breaks down then there is big trouble.

@ Sui Yah, sometimes feeling down for no reason can actually be linked to things that really do make sense. Like for instance say if for several years in a row in the same few week timespan something bad happened someone can kind of be subconsiously expecting something bad to happen so feel down. It is pretty freaky how many patterns can be forged when we arent even aware of it!

That is really good you never blamed yourself. . I have met a lot of people who do and it is hard for them to understand that it isnt them. .

Yah, exactly. . you do have to just kinda accept with some people that they wont change, atleast for now. I suppose some people feel like if you accept that they arent going to change that you are giving up on them, when really it is just like, saving yourself the massive effort of trying to push the quivolent of a mountain up another bigger mountain. . xd

Dr. Phil! xd . . Those shows are definitly better than Jerry Springer types. . lol. .It just is kinda odd how they have to break for commercials so it seems a bit unnatural. Like someone will be like "oh, I must confess" then Dr. Phil is like "yes, after the break" xd

Art by Nikkic87 <33


Aww shopping is ALWAYS stressfull - well christmassy gift shopping xD annnd i hear you bout the other half being empathic and picking up on emotions C:

not always a great thing but yeah xD

maybefor a gift or just to relax you could give him a massage or something its nice to be close and such and also nice to help de stress one another C: <3