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Reply Heard It In The Hallway [Discussion]
If They Lived-Spoilers?-Come Read!

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Do you miss Lupin and Tonks?
  Yes! *Bursts into tears*
  Not Really *I then destroy you*
  Maybe...*I don't know what to do for that*
View Results

Aintzane411

PostPosted: Wed Nov 28, 2007 3:35 pm


This fanfiction takes place right after DH, but without the epilouge. So after the fight, but before the "Nineteen Years Later" part. This is about Tonks and Lupin and here they didn't die.

Chapter 1
The Morning After

Remus and Tonks


Remus and Tonks were lying in bed. It was early. About seven o'clock and the sun was streaming in through the window. Remus's eyes squinted open. "Oh man," he said. "I hurt everywhere." They both had many bruises and cuts. Tonks turned over on her side to look at him. "But it was all worth it," she said with a smile. "We saved the Wizarding world, not to mention Harry." She stroked his face. "You know," she said slowly. "We should really give you a propor haircut. So you look a little less werewolf." He grunted and gently pushed her hand off his face. As he moved to get up, Tonks's hair turned blue. "You're going?" she said. He turned to her while pulling on a clean shirt. "I have to," He went into the bathroom and ran a brush through his hair. "The Order of Phoenix is having a meeting today and I must be there," When he saw his wife's face drop, he said, "Besides, you need to stay here and watch Teddy." Her hair turned even more bleak. Remus sat on the bed beside her and stroked her hair. "I'll be back soon." A single tear made a trail down her cheek. When she looked up at him, her eyes were filled with them. "I keep feeling like he's gonna come back," she said fearfully. "That maybe there's a slight chance that he'll try the same thing that he did with Harry and his parents. Kill us and try to kill Teddy. Then Teddy will have to live a horrible life." As she talked, her voice started to waver and more tears fell. Remus sighed. He hadn't realized that the fight had made such an impact on his wife. "How about this," he said. "I'll put a bunch of charms on the house and I'll send a patronus telling you how I am every thirty minutes." It seemed to cheer her up. "I'll see you later." He stood and went out the door.
PostPosted: Wed Nov 28, 2007 7:41 pm


Needs more length as, while it makes for a good intro paragraph to chapter 1, it's not fleshed out enough to be a full chapter. Apart from that, I must say - excellent grammar usage. I am giddy with the joys of not needing to take a pickaxe to your writing skill!

May wish to work on paragraph structure a wee bit, as it seems to be a single blob of text. Could be spaced better after speeches and topics, for instance.

Still, I digress, keep working on it and it might just be better than the originals. Especially if you have a thesaurus... Rowling never got one... Poor girl.

PhilbertTenderbean


Aintzane411

PostPosted: Fri Nov 30, 2007 7:29 am


Yeah, I'm still pretty bad at length and spacing. But I'm working on it! And just so you know, I wasn't using a thesaurus at the time. I was just making it up as I went.
PostPosted: Thu Dec 06, 2007 12:52 pm


PhilbertTenderbean
Needs more length as, while it makes for a good intro paragraph to chapter 1, it's not fleshed out enough to be a full chapter. Apart from that, I must say - excellent grammar usage. I am giddy with the joys of not needing to take a pickaxe to your writing skill!
Yes, indeed. I like it. Even if I am anti-Remus/Tonks.

Virsath


[.Wands.and.Wings.]

PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 10:04 am


*Squees*

Aw I love LupinxTonks.
They were too cute .. wicked chapter! I just agree it needs a bit more length.
But really good!
<3 x
PostPosted: Tue Jan 01, 2008 10:34 am


aw,wow
lupin and tonks were awesome
i'd love to see how that chapter goes on if you added a bit more to it
well done ^__^

iLonnie


GunBANG

PostPosted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 8:06 pm


It felt as if J.K. Rowling took some of the book away when Remus and Tonks died. I wonder what their child will be like......-thinks of pink-haired were-wolf-
PostPosted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 8:25 am


Pokemon416
It felt as if J.K. Rowling took some of the book away when Remus and Tonks died. I wonder what their child will be like......-thinks of pink-haired were-wolf-


LOL
woah,that sounds amazing
i want a pink-haired were-wolf!! gonk

iLonnie


Luna Lovegood - Ravenclaw

PostPosted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 10:44 pm


Pokemon416
It felt as if J.K. Rowling took some of the book away when Remus and Tonks died. I wonder what their child will be like......-thinks of pink-haired were-wolf-


rofl that is great!

Yeah I hate how she killed them off.
And poor Fred emo

@Aintzane - I like it! you should add a bit more too it though! surprised
PostPosted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 11:07 am


I think that it is good, but it needs a little more feeling but maybe im wrong

ijsportsman

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Heard It In The Hallway [Discussion]

 
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