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The rules of this RP are
1)No auto hitting
2)No godmodding
3)please be literate





Demon walks into the field the wind blowing as he swished his fox tail stretching his arms in the open twitching his ears listening in for enemies or challenges. Demon stood in the field his eyes turning red his claws extending to his leg as he awaited a worthy opponent.

Demon looked at the girl pulling her gloves tight smiling at her sword. "I sure hope that you know how to use that flame. Demon didnt even want to waste time with her he skipped changing into his second form thorns extending from his body the fire tornado summoned around him swirling fastly pulling all oppenents to him as he mixed it with blackfire making blackhellfire. Demon smiled as his whole body ignighted into blackhellfire his shirt falling from him tattered revealing a scarf around his left arm and neck looking as it it was a sleeve. Demons body shook with power he sent out soundwaves making them from the tornado and amplifying them thousands of times louder to where even his ears would ring any normal human vampire or demon would be knocked back their ears would not match up to a blood demons as semon sent out the soundwaves he threw his arms forward aiming at his opponent throwing hundreds of ignighted thorns at her smirking speaking to her using telekinesis the whole time getting into her thoughts creating the illusion that there were thousands of him around her sending thorns if her mind took the other selfs as real the thorns would damage her mentally and therefore hurt her physically. Demon spoke in telekinesis "I like this lets see if you last" Demon snarled visciously his bottom fangs extending.


(Tesunie here, in blue. Anything typed in blue is me from here on.)
(First off, great length of post. Seriously. He could have done a one or two lined post, but he added in so much here. However, more isn't always better, and this here is a prime example of doing too many actions in one post. I shall break this post down to show what I mean. but first, I'm going to remove the "block of text" by separating the block into paragraphs.)

Demon looked at the girl pulling her gloves tight smiling at her sword. "I sure hope that you know how to use that flame." Demon didnt even want to waste time with her he skipped changing into his second form thorns extending from his body.

A fire tornado summoned around him swirling fast pulling all opponents to him as he mixed it with blackfire making blackhellfire. Demon smiled as his whole body ignited into blackhellfire his shirt falling from him tattered revealing a scarf around his left arm and neck looking as it it was a sleeve.
(He said no god modding, yet right here he's pulling all opponents towards him. As well as changing his form. Changing forms takes a while, so I would have done only that. Maybe have the fire tornado become a part of his transformation. It isn't a far stretch, as most cartoons and anime involve great displays of power with whooshing flames or the like when someone changes. It can also serve to protect the body as it changes, so that the transformation doesn't get interrupted. Pulling someone in... could be doable in the end.)

Demons body shook with power he sent out soundwaves making them from the tornado and amplifying them thousands of times louder. He increased the sound to where even his ears would ring. Any normal human, vampire or demon would be knocked back their ears, would not match up to a blood demons sound attack.
(Yet... another attack? This is only the first post of the combat! How many attacks do you think your going to get? You have only a fraction of time to work with before your opponent reacts to it. He's still changing his body. I don't know about you, but I'm sure that must be a stress and very distracting. Amplifying sound though could be part of his defensive aspect of his transformation. Providing a stunning attack to keep opponents at bay Even if the fire tornado was doing a good job at that.)

As semon sent out the soundwaves he threw his arms forward aiming at his opponent throwing hundreds of ignited thorns at her. Smirking he spoke to her using telekinesis the whole time, getting into her thoughts and creating the illusion that there were thousands of him around her. Each one sending thorns out to attack her. If her mind took the other selfs as real the thorns would damage her mentally and therefore hurt her physically. Demon spoke in telekinesis "I like this lets see if you last." Demon snarled viciously as his bottom fangs extended.
(Semon? Is that his character's name? I thought he was Demon? Or does he mean something else? Just a confusion. Oh, and now, while his body is still changing, he ignites his still growing thorns, and throws them at his opponent, then sends out a telepathic message, then also sends out illusions that can hurt if confused for real, all while changing his form.

(Basically, he's doing too much! It should be a reaction to your opponent's action, and then an attack action. Talking is free. So really, in the end, he should have only had his character change his form, a fire tornado enveloping his old form and his new one being replaced as he walks out of the hellfire flames of his transformation power. Thorned up and ready for action.)

Demon smiled and made the images dissappear smirking down to his opponent using telekinesis to talk to her in her mind. "I see your pretty handy with those elements lets keep it up or ill kill you too quickly" Demon laughed and summoned his swords two huge swords the size of his body made from titanium and crystal literally unbreakable except for under pressure only possible in the earths core. Demon smiled and decided to test his opponents face to face fighting skill. "I hope you can hold this back" Demon flew into the air 50,000 feet high exactly over his opponent then took a suicidal freefall towards her sending blackhellfire waves at her as he descended falling faster. Demons eyes glowed black as he fell nearing his opponent he screamed at the top of his lungs bloodlust going through him his fangs extending. "DOWNWARD FLAME" as Demon sliced at his opponent blackhellfire flew up from under her shooting out of the earth at her as Demon sent more thorns at his opponent.

(Once again, breaking up a wall of text. Though this wasn't as bad as the last post. I still like some of the details this person placed into their post, but he crams just too much action into each post. LET YOUR OPPONENT REACT! Give them a little breathing space.)

Demon smiled and made the images dissappear smirking down to his opponent using telekinesis to talk to her in her mind. "I see your pretty handy with those elements, lets keep it up or ill kill you too quickly."
(Wanted to say, love the taunt. He sounds like someone arrogant and who has no doubts about his coming victory. Prefect for an overzealous demon! Also, all of this on the time scale would be considered free. It's just talk right now.)

Demon laughed and summoned his two huge swords the size, of which each was the size of his body and made from titanium and crystal. Literally unbreakable except for under pressure only possible in the earths core.
(I'd have to say, I wished I knew more about how his character summoned these swords. Did they come from fire emanating from his hands? Did two portals open up which he reached into and pulled out these great demonic weapons? Also, I think he's a little power player the fact that they are unbreakable. Anyways, in a role play, no one could break those weapons unless A) The Moderator of the rp (whoever basically made it or is in control of the story) breaks it for story reasons, or B) You have them break as part of your story within the role play. So it's kinda a redundant fact and takes away some very strong possible storylines. Overall, I would never have any weapon be told it's unbreakable. It's like asking for someone to break it for you. However, it isn't a real problem here, besides being an explanation.)

Demon smiled and decided to test his opponents face to face fighting skill. "I hope you can hold this back" Demon flew into the air 50,000 feet high exactly over his opponent then took a suicidal free fall towards her sending blackhellfire waves at her as he descended falling faster. Demons eyes glowed black as he fell nearing his opponent he screamed at the top of his lungs bloodlust going through him his fangs extending.
(Okay. I must say... he hasn't really reached any kind of action limit yet, as everything he's done has been simple and basically free to do. Summoning weapons can be done on the fly sometimes depending. However, I have a problem with the instant jump to 50,000 feet into the air. That takes time. He could teleport up there maybe, but teleporting in and of itself is a very powerful move and tends to lead to many god-mod or power play rule breaks. Then, he barrels down at his opponent in free fall. That means gravity has him. He isn't going to fall as fast as he thinks. It's going to take a few moments to fall from that height. And is it suicidal if he knows he isn't going to be hurt by it? Couldn't help but think of that. Also, if fire attacks are being lashed down I would think would give him additional boosts upwards, meaning he would fall even slower. If he jumped up into the air, he probably shouldn't give such an exact height besides high, and then send down the fire waves at her as he is falling down. Then next post, he could do a landing sweep at her or something, using his fall for momentum making a great, reckless but powerful attack. I do have to say, I love how he expressed his bloodlust and how it grips his character. Great job there.)

"DOWNWARD FLAME" as Demon sliced at his opponent blackhellfire flew up from under her shooting out of the earth at her as Demon sent more thorns at his opponent.
(And here is where we once more get too many actions in one post. He should still be falling here, and yet he is already at grips with his opponent once more. Slashing at her with fire empowered swords. Not to mention now he's had the fires come up from the ground. And he sends out his thorns as well. That makes what? Four attacks now? Three too many. I don't mind a good combo, but that would be like a series of strikes against a foe. And example would be "Demon charged forwards, closer to his foe. Once in striking range, he ran his sword into an upward slash, bringing his momentum up, then reversing it at the top of the slash back down, aiming for her head." This is a two hit combo, blocking one wont stop the other, and the first attack is probably meant to catch the opponent off guard. Maybe the first (less lethal attack) hits her across the ribs, raking into her flesh but her rib bones deflect the attack from doing serious harm. Then, stumbling back, she blocks the downward blow at the last moment, raising her sword up with a clang. The force driving her down to her knees. It's okay to get hurt!)
(Also, how did the fires get there? Most times, you need to explain how that energy got there. For most people, it would be stomping the ground, stabbing a sword into the ground and having the energy travel through the ground, or even pointing and the attack starts off the ground. general rule of thumb, unless you can sense it in some way, like power flowing to the spot or you can see it, you can't hit or cast spells there. Kinda like a rifle. You can't aim and shoot at something you can't see, can you?)

(And now, the last part of that post is the worst. He surrounded his opponent with attacks coming from all sides. Above. Below. Each side with thorns. Where can she go? That is call an entrapment auto-hit. You don't actually auto-hit them, but you gave them no choice but to be hit if they don't god-mod, auto-dodge or power play themselves. I hear it so often "But I didn't auto-hit her." In a roundabout way, you did, by giving her no option other than to be hit. Thankfully, here there is magic, but a magic barrier bubble does get old after a while.)

Demon swooped and flipped in the air facing his opponent smiling as she spread out ice over the field " hmm nice choice" Demon made the fire tornado spin faster going into it smiling making it his own looking up to the storm he smirked widely to himself. "Now now now dont you know not to challenge fire like that blackhellfire is black fire and hellfire turned and fused to one little girl do your math but first lets see what Demon can show you on his own" Demon looked up to the storm flying into it the wind generated by the storm spread the heat of the tornado evaporating the clouds and ice quickly as Demon looked up to the clear sun and the light of day sighing happily looking to his opponent. Demon laughed as she dug out of the ground and looked down on her covering his smile "A worm should stay where it belongs" Demon spewed the fires of hell from the ground evaporating the ice summoning blackhellfire above the girl sending black hellfire at her from all sides including from under her in all directions raising his swords in the air he made them dissappear in thin air and swished his fox tail as he free fell to the ground as he landed he swooped up and lightly touched the ground smiling waiting for his opponent to escape or die.

(Once more, have to break this up into more easily managed pieces. Needs a little help with paragraph construction.

Demon swooped and flipped in the air facing his opponent smiling as she spread out ice over the field " hmm nice choice" Demon made the fire tornado spin faster going into it smiling making it his own looking up to the storm he smirked widely to himself. "Now now now dont you know not to challenge fire like that. Blackhellfire is black fire and hellfire turned and fused to one little girl. Do your math but first lets see what Demon can show you on his own."
(Some periods would be great. Been adding them in here all over the place. Still love this guys dialogue! It's so fitting to his character concept. Cocky. Arrogant. Just says brute fighter all over the place. Now, I would want to know more about this "Black Fire". I know what Hell fire is, fire from the depths of hell. Very hot and probably corrupted with evil energy. I would imagine it isn't normal fire and burns the soul as well as body. But Black fire? Fire is heat and light energy. Black is the absence of all light. So how can a fire be black? It can't... If anything, Black Fire should just be another name for Demon Fire, Hell Fire, or some other form of Unholy fire.... am I wrong?)

Demon looked up to the storm flying into it. The wind generated by the storm spread the heat of the tornado evaporating the clouds and ice quickly. As Demon looked up to the clear sun and the light of day sighing happily looking to his opponent.
(Okay... I think someone forgot that clouds are made of water vapor... and water doesn't do well to fires. And ice, when melted turns into more water. I think someone's flames should have been doused, and lots of flash heated steam surround the place like a fog. Now THAT would have been interesting. A steam fog corrupted by hell fire, but unable to be influenced by either side, as it isn't fire and it's corrupted by dark energies. I doubt that his move would have made the other person's attack completely moot. Not to mention, he just ran headlong into a magically created ice storm which was suppose to be an attack, and nothing happened? He should have at least been tossed around by the wind. Maybe a few heavy drops of water (use to be hail) sizzle on his skin. Anything!)

Demon laughed as she dug out of the ground and looked down on her covering his smile, "A worm should stay where it belongs." Demon spewed the fires of hell from the ground evaporating the ice summoning blackhellfire above the girl sending black hellfire at her from all sides including from under her in all directions. Raising his swords in the air he made them disappear to thin air and swished his fox tail as he free fell to the ground. When he landed he swooped up and lightly touched the ground smiling waiting for his opponent to escape or die.
(Cocky little demon... I LOVE HIS PERSONALITY! He plays him well in conversation. However... what did we say about entrapment auto-hitting? Prime example here. An even better one than the last one I mentioned. Not to say, she isn't IN the ground. She's running on top of the ground, making a giant crack appear where she treads. A potential falling into hazard, if everyone couldn't fly that is. Therefor... his attack is mis-aimed, as well as being an auto-hit by circumstances. If this had more story instead of being a fight, and the entrapment of this elemental user was key to the story aspect, this would be fine. However, being in a "fair fight", this is nothing more than a god mod move. However you want to call it.)

(No actually i didnt auto hit i watched you surface and here it is for you again,,
Demon laughed as she dug out of the ground and looked down on her covering his smile "A worm should stay where it belongs",, sorry thats not a hit thank you read more carefully)
(Actually, you did. You entrapped her, unto which to be honest, I didn't really see her escape from, but then again, I'd presume she placed an earth shield up as she went deeper underground...)



Demon looked to the snow beast raising his brow, "Impressive but you know what they say about beasts there is always a way to tame them" Demon aimed his arms at the beast and fired hundreds of thorns sending soundwaves amplifyied thousands of times higher than any human would be able to stand at it, Demon then turned as his attacks flew towards the beast looking at Demonica " and yea lets go ahead and start fighting seriously please if you can stand still for two seconds that would be great" Demon flew at Demonica free falling and just as he increased his speed he teleported behind her swinging one of his swords from her left side the other from the at the top of her head. While Demon swung his swords at the girl he sent thorns at her and sent others flying in all directions looking to the tunnel.

Demon looked to the snow beast raising his brow, "Impressive but you know what they say about beasts there is always a way to tame them." Demon aimed his arms at the beast and fired hundreds of thorns, sending soundwaves amplified thousands of times higher than any human would be able to stand at it.
(Good banter back and forth still. Never had any issues with that. That part of this exchange was really great the whole time. But once more, thorns fine. Soundwaves on top of that? How? Are the thorns making this sound attack? He is shouting like a Banshee? How does this match up with his banter? Personally, I think a summoning of a larger looking fire beast might have been a more impressive comeback. Or charging it and attempting to grapple the beast down to the ground to show dominance would have fit really well, as he tries to turn this beast against her...)

Demon then turned as his attacks flew towards the beast looking at Demonica ,"And yea lets go ahead and start fighting seriously. Please. If you can stand still for two seconds that would be great." Demon flew at Demonica free falling and just as he increased his speed he teleported behind her swinging one of his swords from her left side, the other sword for the top of her head. While Demon swung his swords at the girl he sent thorns at her and sent others flying in all directions looking to the tunnel.
(Okay, attack one on beast. Attack two also at beast. Not attack three four five and six at girl. Got yeah. Wait? TOO MANY ATTACKS AGAIN! And he teleported. Teleportation is way too easy to abuse, but this wasn't too bad there. And he likes to free fall, doesn't he? I don't mind the swords attacking away, as I stated before, that is called a combo hit. However, the thorns. How are they being thrown or shot out with any degree of accuracy? He's moving all over the place and isn't standing still to take aim. Is he just shooting them off randomly in whatever directions he can? How many thorns does he have? He did just shoot a bunch at the ice beast...(which probably bounced off harmlessly off it's hard icy exterior...))

In the end, I would like to say, I wasn't picking on any one person when I made my comments. I was trying to be as honest as possible. I hope that each side learned something from this role play.

If the people who posted in the role play read this, please understand I'm trying to help. I'm sure that in the last few years you must have improved a lot. This whole guild was designed so people could make these mistakes without fear of being ridiculed. We've all been there. We all have unintentionally power played, auto-hit or just done something not right. It happens. Get over it and go on. Point it out, feel like an idiot for a few, laugh at yourself and then continue as though it never happened. Try to improve yourself and you skills. Learn from your mistakes.

I'm sorry if I might have seemed harsh in any of my blue comments here. If I was, I really am sorry.