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 Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 8:27 am
I just want to start out saying that I've been with my boyfriend 3 1/2 years and we're still completely strong. I know for a fact that he's "the one"; I know I'm not naive, I can feel it in my heart and head that this is meant to be. We have no problems, except one, something neither of us can control...
We live 6000 miles away from each other and only get to see each other once or twice a year in monthly intervals. Everything is so beautiful when we're together, like we will always be together, even knowing that we'll have to part again later. I feel like my heart is being ripped out when he leaves, pain I've never felt before, and we have to go back to talking on the internet with no hugs or physical reassurance.
Right now I'm with him in his country for the first time and I'm so happy to be with him and experience a different culture, but I keep having horrible dreams of going back home and it's too real... the pain, the emptiness, the helplessness... It's wonderful to wake up and see that it was just a dream but it really really scares me. When I go back home it will be different... It's not like before when we could wait until summer when I'm off school and he's off university... This time he will start a career that he won't be able to leave for a couple months and I'm going to start college. We won't get to talk as much because we'll both be busy and the time difference would make it virtually impossible to make time for each other. We have to work out who's moving to whose country, how they'll be able to get there (work visa, student visa, or marriage), and when would be the best time to do it.
It's just really difficult to deal with and it just breaks my heart, even though it's totally worth it. It's made us very strong and I wouldn't trade it for the world, but it certainly doesn't help with my stress levels. I want things to settle down soon but I have a feeling it will only get harder as life goes on after I leave. sad
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Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 7:46 pm
Life eventually does settle down, but be forewarned: before rushing into actually moving or getting married, you really do need to experience living with each other for more than just a short burst of time. People do react differently when they're living with someone rather than visiting/hosting. While I do wish you the best with him, I would hate to see you feel like you made a mistake a few months into it.
On a side note, I suggest that if you do decide to get married/move countries, that he first join you here in America. Reason being is that it's fairly difficult to become an American citizen, and marriage does fast-track that somewhat. Plus, he'll most likely be able to keep his original citizenship, whereas if you move first, you'll lose your American citizenship upon applying for foreign citizenship. I frankly don't understand that policy, but that's how it goes. After he has his citizenship here, and you both hate it, then you can move away knowing that you at least tried it here.
It's good to see you back around in this neck of the woods whee
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Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 2:25 am
I understand what you mean about rushing into moving or getting married. So far we've been together on a daily basis for 5 months so I'm quite sure that we're compatible and able to live together without too much trouble. It's very likely that it would be much different if we actually had to work to pay for a mortgage, etc. because it could add to stress which affects us both quite differently and usually quite negatively. I know his living habits which I'm very able to adapt to and accept and he helps with all the chores so there won't be a problem with me getting frustrated with him. Basically I'm pretty confident we could live together quite comfortably but I'll never know until we try it.
As for getting married, we talk about it and know that it won't happen until after we've had marriage counseling. We want it to be traditional and not just for making it easier to go to each other's countries. The only problem with a traditional wedding is deciding if we want two for his family in England and my family in America, the fact that money will definitely be involved especially if we have it done twice, and how we can plan a wedding in advance knowing that it might interfere with work. At the moment there is just too much to be done to even try to plan a wedding so it won't be happening for at least a couple years.
I'm glad you mentioned citizenship because it is very important for me to keep my American citizenship. The idea of Davey getting a work visa to transfer jobs while I'm in college/university is still being considered because we both know that I'll be in school for awhile (I want to be a psychologist and psychiatrist that not only takes a lot of work, but a lot of time before graduating!). Luckily he has a degree in computer science and has Microsoft near his home which is really convenient since Microsoft is also quite near my home as well so it's possible he could get a job there and transfer to Microsoft in my country.
I know in the long term it will work itself out, it's just really frustrating and painful to deal with in the short term. sad
Thank you so much for your advice. It helped me a lot. 3nodding I'll try to be in here more often. This is one of my favourite guilds. whee
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