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Deni/14/My poem for my first period english class

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Hostile Paper Clip

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 10, 2007 10:27 pm


The First Wound
From the candy you gave
to my heart that you saved.
You changed completely
to someone I now longer crave.

Our first kiss hurts
I feel crushed, cursed.
The memories burn
When I think of our first.

We use to be so great.
This love we use to create.
Then someone close was gone
and out realtionship was rilled with pain and hate.

Now I'm filled with pain
and I feel insane
I always feel sick
and my life is filled with bane.

He began to lie and ignore
It hurst me down to the core
He didn't seem to care
about me and his son anymore

His good intentions are gone
and they now are all wrong.
He doesn't seem to care
Now he laughs while I sing my painful song.

I will always love him no matter
even if it makes me sadder.
My heart is barley alive because of you.
It just makes a smal beat. Pit-pat-patter.

This was written in my first period english class were they have some guy teaching us to get our emotions out with poetrey. Then end is complete crap but I'm still sort of working on it. D:
PostPosted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 8:54 pm


that is a really good poem. It is so sad, (but most poems i have discovered are sad here.) i decided that when no one responded to my writing and i didnt like it, it must bother other people too. so im reading peoms of other people smile it is good though, i get to read lots of nice poems smile

i like urs it is very good, it is sad, but most great things comeout of sad, like the fire bird

akumestsi


LazuliXD

PostPosted: Tue Feb 19, 2008 3:42 pm


Most of the poems they used in the past were bloodshed, war, drinking, love, hate and sorrow. But this is a good poem.
PostPosted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 4:17 pm


Very heart-breaking but good.

banner3


banner3

PostPosted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 4:24 pm


BlueSyra- picture-

I like her. She's more reflective and peaceful then depressed. It's kinda nice to see pictures like your every once in awhile. Too many just depressing ones.
PostPosted: Mon Oct 20, 2008 1:24 pm


I wanted to see your other avis but i dont see any so.... i'll just work on your current avi

DeepestDarkest_Desires

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I r a d i o a c t i v e I

PostPosted: Mon Oct 20, 2008 4:55 pm


I liked this poem because of the emotion you feel when you read it. The whole point is to paint a picture for the reader and you really did that for me.
It was a depressing poem, but it may help somebody if they're in the same situation as you describe.
I'm hoping you'll now post it up in the arenas so I can vote on it!!! =D
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