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So here's a little info on my life right now.

I have a boyfriend... who is 9 years older than me.... and an alcoholic.

Meh, could be worse. At least he is trying to help himself. He invited me to go with him to an AA meeting tonight, and it was kinda enlightening to me to see that alcoholism affects all kinds of different people... which I knew without knowing... if that makes any sense whatsoever.

I work at a Taco Bell/ Long John Silvers about 30 hours a week and just realized that if I had actually quit when I tried to, I would have never even met my boyfriend, let alone be going out with him, which I haven't yet decided would have been a good thing or a bad thing.

I need another job because I'm only getting 30 hours and I need to work more than that at more than minimum wage if I ever plan on finding my own place and getting out of my grandmother's house. I need to have more freedom than I'm getting, but for me to move out I need to have enough money to buy a car, pay for rent and keep myself fed/clothed. I might have to find a roommate for all this to be possible... and my really odd thought is that I should get my boyfriend out of the motel he's currently living in. Oh did I mention that he lives in a motel? Guess not.

Weird thing is that while I'm thinking hey that'd be cool because I'd be able to see him more often, at the same time I'm not even CLOSE to ready for that kind of commitment... and neither is he. He still has to break up with the booze he's addicted to.

I can't tell most of my family about the fact that I'm dating him... which sucks because I feel badly, as though I'm hiding him... and he's started to think that I'm ashamed of him... which isn't the case... I just know that my grandmother will flip and my aunt would disown me.... not to mention it would give my mother another name to call me that she's never called me before.... not that there are many of those left.

I'm still worried about what my mother thinks, regardless of the fact that I haven't lived in her house since July 20th of this past year... which is 3 months ago... but seems like so much longer.

Seriously I think that drama is drawn to me. ALL the people around me are prone to drama and I don't know that I can deal with all of the drama without FLIPPING OUT!!

I should be sleeping.... but I've been having issues with that too..... so I guess we enter into the depths of my life a bit more than in our fearless leader's life... but oh well. I needed to vent.

ok so I haven't written on here in a really REALLY long time. Sorry about that. Heres an update, as it goes several months I'll specify.
November: Worked 40+ hours a week every week and moved in with Charles, who was still drinking, so he got kicked out of the peoples house we were staying at so then I left as well.
December: Was living in a hotel with Charles about to get an apartment and he lost his job because he didn't show up to work because he was drunk and because he lost his job we couldn't get the apartment. Moved back into my grandmothers house but still continued dating him because I love him. He called me drunk all the time and...
January: 2nd I broke up with him for good. I told him he needs desperately to grow up and take responsibility for his actions and not just blame it on his drinking. He has called me several times since and I haven't talked to him because I know he'll convince me to give him another chance he doesn't deserve. He told me he thought that I should give him another shot even though he fudged things up(not exactly how he put it but you know) and he told me this in a voicemail....thankfully because had I actually talked to him my first reaction would have been sure why not because I don't think when I'm around him about all the bad things... I just think of the fact that I love him and I miss him. I hate that I miss him when I know that he loves his vodka more than he loves me.... but I do miss him and I do love him.... and it kills me that I know I can't give him another shot.



On a much lighter note, I GRADUATED!!!! I got my diploma in November and the diploma says I graduated in October....and I'm just uber excited about that.

Ok. So I don't hate life. Life took a bit of a turn on me recently... as in on the 3rd. I met Johnny. He makes me happy and he's fun to talk to/ with about just about any subject. We have seen each other almost every day since then, missing only 2 days. We've talked all but one of the days. Its really fun and just in general mayhem (which of course I love).

Johnny is the eldest brother of one of my very good friends. He lived in Arkansas up until a couple months ago. I don't know whats going to happen, but i really do enjoy talking to him and such.

Will keep you updated. ~Jack

I'm going to Kent in the Fall!!!!


I was accepted and I sent in my housing fee and will have my classes planned soon. I can't wait! I don't have any way to pay for it yet though. I'm stuck on that one. I mean, I'm sure I'll get something for my grad party this Saturday, but it isn't going to pay for all of college.... probably not even the 200 for the housing reservation.

I'm nervous, but EXCITED at the same time. Oh and I have a new boyfriend and I'm fairly certain that this one will last longer than the other one because he was a friend first. We have already talked about the fact that he is going to OSU in the fall and how much it is going to suck being apart for so long, even though we can't know for fact that it will last that long even. It just seems right to talk about the future with him. Its kinda weird but fun.

All in all I'm having a good time. I'm living my life as well as I can, and its all that I can do.