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 Posted: Fri Oct 05, 2007 7:14 am
I've had a self-image and depression problem for as long as I can remember, but my anxiety didn't hit until I became ill at age 12 (my first panic attack occurred). There were highs and lows like most people experience, and when my health cleared things seemed to get better, but I crashed inside the moment I entered highschool.
Everything became harder, more overwhelming, even simple things when my workload was far from impossible to take on. I would have rather bothersome anxiety bouts several times a month, and late senior year was awful. I wasn't able to stand criticism and even when it was gently spoken, when I was being lectured by my mother to hurry with my essay, apply for college, get going with my life because I was continuesly procrastinating with everything I did, it hurt. I felt raw and any little thing that was just common sense antagonized me.
I'm now out on my own, with my husband, and while I am much better than I was back at home, I keep experiencing a deep, agonizing restlessness. I'm moody, and if I feel my husband snaps at me when we have a very small disagreement, I shut down inside. I overanalyze what's said, I beat myself up over everything, and just like when I was younger, I feel raw; these feelings are so easily provoked. A small, single comment that upsets me might ruin my entire day. I walk in and out of happiness frightfully fast, suddenly feeling darkly, sulky, or depressed. It feels like I can't do half the things I once did, like writing or doing other simple, mundane things. I put off so many things and it feels like I fail at so many things I do.
Finally, I'm starting to feel as though I might be clinically depressed; or clinically -something-. My mother seems to have a variety of undiagnosed issues, my father's undiagnosed but completely wacko, and my brother has been diagnosed and is medicated for his anxiety. I guess I want to know if anyone else is enduring something similar, because I'm tired of so easily feeling sad. I'm tired of beating myself up, and while I never wanted to be medicated for it, I'm starting to consider it.
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Posted: Fri Dec 07, 2007 8:02 am
I was doing great for awhile but now I've hit another rough few weeks. It's annoying and almost manic, and I can't tell if my birth control is somehow affecting it. Still, I've been this way for years. I don't know if I should see a therapist or seek medication, but I'm concerned. I live on a military base and you can get sent home at the drop of a hat, since we're remote out here. I'm lucky I was able to duck the ropes and get through, despite having a history of cancer, and I'm worried my depression might make them raise eyebrows.
Still, I'm so tired of feeling this way. It hurts.
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Posted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 4:54 am
Go see a psychotherapist and have them document your case.
It's most likely that you're suffering from:
Mood disorder
Dissociative Identity Disorder
Schizophrenia
General Anxiety Disorder
Bi-Polar
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Posted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 7:34 am
Yeah, I think I need to see one. I feel particularly stressed, and my anxiety can get so crazy. I almost always feel very anxious at night, when my husband goes to bed and I'm left staying up. Right around this time, it never fails to happen.
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