Welcome to Gaia! ::

It's to bad I was born with it and all but I guess whatevers whatever... I got diagnosed with it 5 years back. I hate it so much. I want to be able to just talk to people and make friends and stuff cause I know that I can... But alot of the time when I try and start a conversation about something I just put my head down instead of opening up like I want to...

And because of having Aspergers my future will not be a good one to say the least. I'm always looking down on myself and everything. I try telling myself I'm better then I think I am but it just don't work. I have a counselor who I haven't seen in over a month and I haven't necessarily been telling her everything. Cause I'm just worried about opening up on most things cause I worry I'll be looked down on or something.

Yesterday I wore a necklace a plain necklace. And my mothers boyfriend says''Oh you got your bling bling?'' And I was just upset. I was mad and sad at once. Cause I was so worried he mistaked me as being a wigger or something... So I brought it up to him an hour later and he said''Oh dude I'm so sorry you took it like that that was just my ignorance.'' Then he said sorry a billion times afterwards...

Also with certain things I just won't be able to get into. Like school subjects for instance. I won't be able to pay attention to subjects. I want to be able to but I just get on focused and stuff I'll just stare at the clock or whatever it's hard...

With all these kind of things in mind I should add one last thing... I have the lower end of Aspergers yet I have all these issues. Am I screwed?

Well first off, I want to say welcome to the guild. Secondly, I'd like to tell you to not be so down on yourself! Autism and Aspergers affect people in different ways. It doesn't mean that you are doomed to failure and misery. Many amazing people have been autistic, and have lead happy, successful lives. I think we have a list going in another thread that I'll have to link for you.

And yes you can stay focused on your school work. You just need the right tools. Speak with a counselor or someone you trust, and let them know what is going on and how you really feel. How can anyone help you if they don't know the problem? There are plenty of resources out there, you just need to take advantage of them. Good luck with everything and keep us updated! 3nodding

I can understand where you are coming from on a certain degree. I get nervous around people I don't know too well, and I feel self conscious. I've always been quiet and shy in class, too. Its worse when you realize that you're acting this way for no reason, and makes you more self conscious while you start to over analyze yourself. Thats how the thought pattern goes with me, anyway.

Maybe you can find a way to recongize this train of thought and stop it. Just take a moment to breathe, and realize that the person you are talking to most likely does not think you are stupid. They are a human being just like you, and they have faults just like everyone else. And if they do think you are stupid just because you are acting nervous, well, then thats not your fault and you don't have to associate with them.

And as for your mother, I'm sure she doesn't think you are stupid. In fact, she probably values the times that you do open up to her. Every mom loves their child for who they are; this includes all the little quirks that make them an individual. If you are having trouble telling her something, you could always try leaving her a note. Its easier to complete your thoughts and think things through that way.

Just remember, growing up is a difficult journey for everyone. Most of us feel akward, embarrassed, and do plenty of ridiculous things on the way to adulthood. Its nothing to feel ashamed about, just learn from your mistakes and move forward. smile

I get upset over silly things also. Like, last year near christmas time, my sisters and mom were wrapping presents for my uncle. I wanted to help, but there was a shirt that she was wrapping and she didnt want me to see it, because she got me and my uncle the same shirt [we both like nirvana, and that was what the shirt was.] I got upset, because I wanted to help them, and I started crying. On Christmas when I opened the package that had the shirt in in, my mom said "The reason I didnt want you to help with that shirt is because we got you and him the same one, and I wanted to surprise you." Well, I felt really stupid after that. sweatdrop

Oh my god...Can I tell you something honest? You care too much what others think of you and view you. Aspergers is not a disorder, and I hate those who view it as one. You know what you have? A gift. All you have to do is figure out what it is you excel at, and once you become obsessive over it you will surpass everyone at it. One of my 3 main obsessions is social interaction, and I have become quite good at it to the point where I have my own female fanclub.

You want some tips on how to improve your social status? 1)When you talk to people, ask them questions than follow up on those questions with something based on something relative to them. 2)Watch what the cool kids who have the types of friends you would like. Those people are your mentors, so watch what exactly it is that they say and do, and mix that type of behavior in with your own (only emulate the decent cool people though, not the druggies, or the jerks, etc.). 3)Dress like the cooler kids do, and work out more so that you have a healthier physique. This sounds stupid and shallow, but people are more likely to talk to you when you look like a clean well dressed individual, and not a hobo who's been brought off the streets.

The rest is up to you. But don't look down on yourself for having aspergers. It is a gift, and it has helped me in so many ways. Would you honestly rather be a mediocre average person who's apathetic and has general knowledge in everything, or a genius in a few areas that surpass everyone? Aspies are somebodies when we choose to excel, not nobodies.

Amen! smile
And if you are still unhappy about the little, random things,
(such as social interaction and random fears) just remember, success is the journey, not the destination. So try not to pay so much attention to progress in the long run as much, okay? (That'll just discourage you, if you aren't determined) It's the fulfillment of little victories and short-term goals that make a difference, as well as boost self-esteem.(You focus more on what you got DONE, not how far you are to the goal.) Trust me. wink

It also helps ALOT to get inventive with your shortcomings and turn them into strengths. For example, when I was younger, I found acts such as writing with a pencil to be extremely difficult, because I felt like I had to press down very hard for some reason. But, I realized that alot of pencil drawings feature really dark shading. So, I applied that to drawing and it turns out, (not to brag) my pencil drawings have really in-depth shading, which I now attribute to what once was a troublesome "weakness".

What I'm getting at is; Don't look at your Aspergers quirks as shortcomings. Rather, look at them as, "opportunities". pirate

Exactly...but you can change the bad things into a good thing. I have really short termed memory, so when I have to do something, I have to do it at that moment. But it makes me get things done. So I turned that fault into a gift. Also, I used to talk about just myself, but now when I'm talking to someone, I think...What is it that THEY are interested in? Nobody likes it when you only talk about yourself, and I didn't realize it until I met my uncle Jon, who is higher on the spectrum than me, and all he could talk about was himself; it was really annoying. When someone asked me how I was doing, I had to train myself to not only say "Good", but then follow it up with "How are YOU doing?" It is difficult though, because I've read that most Aspie's are not compassionate towards other people. I have that, but supposedly it's rare. Especially in guys, unfortunately. But, anyway, if you REALLY don't like something about yourself, you can change it if you train yourself. It takes awhile, and believe me, I'm still working on it. But I'm way better in certain things than I was even five years ago.

I have Asperger's when I was in middle school. Finding out about it made me feel sad.