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Did you experience it? How did you cope? Were you able to? Did you start using any medications?

I'm asking because I am near certain I am experiencing it. The past few nights haven't been difficult with Aaron, not really. He's been pretty good, just getting up for feedings. And Mike takes him during the day when I need a nap so I'm not usually too exhausted at night.

However, I have been feeling depressed. I know the feeling because I suffer from depression(a therepist or psychologist, can't remember which, said I may be a manic depressive). I was on medication(Welbutrin, Zoloft, and another one)when I was 14-17. Eventually, the medication would stop working for one reason or another and my doctor would switch me.

At some point, my medical went down and we were unable to pay for the Zoloft($75 a bottle!)so I stopped taking it abruptly. Of course, my body acted funny for a few days(dizzy and whatnot)but then I adjusted.

Strangely, when I stopped taking the medication, I was fine. I didn't feel depressed, didn't have any bad thoughts, I was fine.

During the pregnancy I felt pretty good. Of course, my hormones would get the best of me and any time Mike and I had a little arguement, I'd get really upset. But not that much.

Now, lately, I've been feeling so depressed. It started out slowly but now it's like, I've been thinking about how I wish I hadn't had Aaron. Not that I feel that way, of course, but I've been thinking it. And also about how if I killed myself, I woudn't have to deal with him. But I wouldn't do that, either. Even if I am misreable and in pain, I wouldn't leave him, I need to know he'd be okay.

I brought this up with my mom(who I suspect has depression and I have a feeling she may have attempted suicide when I was less than 5 years old but at least 2, although no one will tell me)lastnight and she was worried that I would hurt him. Granted, I thought about it but I wouldn't act on it.

I can admit that I do need help but unfortunately, my medical got canceled and I'm waiting for it to get back up. Once it is, I'm going to find a doctor and demand anti-depressants because I know I need them.

I'm just curious if anyone else has felt this way after their baby was born and how you delt with it, be it a counseler of some sorts or medication.

Thankfully, I have support. My Godmother and Mother both know how I'm feeling(I was very upfront about it with them)as well as Mike.

And he, by the way, has been so great. When I can't deal with the baby anymore(when I just start crying and not responding or caring about the baby)he takes him(like any good parent would, of course)and lets me cry myself out till I feel a little better. While lastnight I cried alot, I didn't feel any better after it. But, I was reading up on postpartum depression in What To Expect and some magazines my clinic gave me.

But like I was saying, Mike's been great, which is helping me cope a little bit. When I cry and call myself a bad mother, he tells me that I am a good mother but that the hormones are just being difficult. I know he doesn't understand everything but usually when he doesn't understand something about me, he retracts and acts with irritation. He's been so good to me during this.

So, all I'm asking is for your experiences. I know I need to go to the doctor but I'm holding out till my insurence is up. I've already got some bills that I need to send to Medica when it gets up like my labor and delivery bill as well as an emergency room visit for Aaron(his temp was low. This, by the way, made me really upset and I started crying while I was sitting next to his carseat, calling myself a bad mother)and a follow up visit with a pediatrician. My medical should be up by next week and everyone is being helpful.

I'm usually worse at night and right now my Godmother is staying with us because my Mom isn't here but again, they're both aware of how I'm feeling and my previous medical conditions and they're willing to help me when I need it although I hate relying on them.

Sorry my thoughts are so scattered, I'm just I duno lol I feel great right now. I wasn't this morning when I woke up, I was resenting Aaron a bit but during his doctor visit today, I perked up a bit. I'm expecting to be down again tonight but I'm hoping not to.

I kow this topic is a bit old but I figured i'd respond anyway. My son is two weeks old now and i'm feeling EVERYTHING that you described in your first post. I have a doctor's appointment today but I cant help thinking that they wont work because I keep telling myself that I shouldnt have had this baby and I cant do this. Of course I love him and I would never hurt him but I haven't gone a day without thinking "I wish we didnt have this baby, I wish we wouldve listened, and sometimes I just wish I were dead". I hope you've figured out how to cope and are doing well with your son.