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 Posted: Sat Jul 31, 2004 4:20 pm
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Posted: Sat Jul 31, 2004 4:36 pm
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Posted: Sun Aug 01, 2004 11:03 am
Thanks, it's a monolog (SP?) I had to do for drama (See Play Which Monkey already did).
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Posted: Mon Aug 02, 2004 3:19 pm
As far as monologues go, this one is nice. I can imagine the play that would be surrounding this. The only things that I can see that bother me are minor grammatical mistakes, such as using threw instead of through and appending an a to anyway. Although the latter can be excused because it might be the way the character would talk. If you like this monologue enough, I would wholeheartedly suggest expanding it into a full scene.
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Posted: Tue Aug 03, 2004 2:16 am
It's a nice idea and heart-warming, but like Apropos said, minor grammatical and spelling errors annoyed me a tad. Otherwise, it's a nice piece, and if you embellished and detailed it more, it could be even better. 3nodding
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Posted: Wed Aug 04, 2004 1:09 pm
It seems more like a diary entry than a monologue; monologues usually have a wider range in vocabulary, and they have better spelling. It would fit in well as one of those diary execpt things in a novel ((I think a lot of teen books do this, especially, neh?))
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Posted: Wed Aug 04, 2004 1:17 pm
JenniferStarling It seems more like a diary entry than a monologue; monologues usually have a wider range in vocabulary, and they have better spelling. It would fit in well as one of those diary execpt things in a novel ((I think a lot of teen books do this, especially, neh?)) Have you thought that maybe it could be a monologue of a younger person whose vocabulary isn't quite as expansive as say...oh, an English major whose about to graduate from college? The grammar and spelling errors are the writer's fault, and can be corrected. The point remains that it was written as a monologue and should be taken as such. It fits as a monologue, don't try to pigeon hole it as something it's not.
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Posted: Wed Aug 04, 2004 1:34 pm
Apropos JenniferStarling It seems more like a diary entry than a monologue; monologues usually have a wider range in vocabulary, and they have better spelling. It would fit in well as one of those diary execpt things in a novel ((I think a lot of teen books do this, especially, neh?)) Have you thought that maybe it could be a monologue of a younger person whose vocabulary isn't quite as expansive as say...oh, an English major whose about to graduate from college? The grammar and spelling errors are the writer's fault, and can be corrected. The point remains that it was written as a monologue and should be taken as such. It fits as a monologue, don't try to pigeon hole it as something it's not. Well, it depends on how the monologue is used; as an introduction to s story, it would work better as a monologue than a mid-story aside. I think placement plays a role as well. Now that I re-read it it reminds me of the House on Mango Street, which strikes a comprmise; it read as a sort of mental diary which served as a monologue. And I wasn't recategorizing it, but giving my opinion as to how it read. You seem upset for some reason...
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Posted: Thu Aug 05, 2004 11:31 am
Always entertaining to see the grammar nazis' going at it with their veiws. I think its very good. *waits for the nazis' to attack what she said eek *
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Posted: Thu Aug 05, 2004 2:27 pm
I like it, and personally I think it would be best to place that either in the beginning of a story or at least at the beginning of a new chapter or scene, mostly because the first sentence is a really good hook and would draw the reader into your new story or chapter.
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Posted: Fri Aug 13, 2004 4:30 pm
It's very nice. However, if it is a monolouge, you may want to lengthen it. Monologues should be no longer than five minutes, and no less than two. You could easily lengthen this without making it sound boring - in fact, it may make it more interesting. Who knows?
But it is very good. Keep it up ^_^
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Posted: Wed Aug 18, 2004 2:04 pm
I like it smile The grammar error's are no big deal (writers often let editors take care of that, leaving them free to write wink No need to do anything with it, you'll randomly find the perfect use for it (and then you'll find the real perfect use for it, and you'll be like "Aww, man...").
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