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alrighty, i don't really need any advice so much as i just really need to this out. i am a member of the lds church who suffers from same sex attraction. i choose not to act on it because i know that the church is true and that it is a sin.

everything in the church is all about eternal marriage and finding an eternal companion. it's exponentially worse in college (although i'm told it's worse at byu-provo...), because all of your roomates will be off hanging with girls while you stay in your dorm on your computer. i've tried going on dates for the sake of being social and having fun, but i find myself feeling awkward because it all feels like a lie. i've known girls who've had crushes on me only to be devastated when i dont return their affections.

aside from my bishop, nobody else really knows. my parents don't know, my friends don't know, so i feel very distant. i'm too afraid to confide in anybody because i've trained my mind to automatically supress any thought or feeling of a sexual nature. as a result, i feel very awkward when talking about anything like that with anybody.

i've fasted and prayed for years that the lord would take this burden from me. i guess that this is just a challenge meant to make me stronger, but i still wish it would go away. i've given up hoping. i can't keep hoping that this burden will be taken from me. hoping hurts too much...

i feel dismal when i think of the life ahead of me. nobody to share life with, no kids to teach stuff to, just a life of lonliness. i've accepted that this will be my life. i'll still have my current family to occasionally visit, and i'll have the people in the ward. but after a while, all of my friends will get married and i'll be the one left behind. i mean, who hangs out with the 40 yr old single guy in the ward? nobody. that's who.

im not trying to throw a pity party here, i'm aware that lots of people are worse off than i am, it just gets to be too much sometimes

All I have to say is don't give up. Don't worry if you can't find someone right now that catches your eye. There's someone out there for you, somewhere. Maybe they're dead or maybe they have to graduate first but are still stuck in middle school. Just don't give up on yourself.

It does for me. You have any idea how many infants have died in the past 6000 years? alot. They're waiting for eternal companions too.

i have a similar problem but not w/men but w/ little kids it is just daily fight against scratch you just have to keep fighting

I sent a pm to you 3nodding

She always knows what to say, doesn't she? I just love that!

Anywho, I think you should prayerfully consider what she has said. I admire you so much for choosing to follow the Gospel, rather than to give into what must be enormous difficulty for you. Patience is really the hardest part. I've been at college for 4 days now, and part of me's thinking, "Where's my EC, darn it??" Haha. Anyway, the best thing you can do is just to pray for Heavenly Father to give you the patience to get through your trials. Keep the prayer with you as you go throughout the day. Try to involve yourself in activities that will take your mind off your troubles. I guess that's the advice I can give. Hope it helps a little.