Welcome to Gaia! ::

First thread here, so I hope I don't break any rules. I read them, but who knows? And I read skimmed over the first two pages to see if there was a thread like this and didn't see one.

Post anything funny you know. A funny saying or quote. A joke, a pick up line, a rejection to a pick up line, an insult, a comeback, a picture, ect.

Here's some of mine:
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading to a lowered self-esteem and decreased work-related efficiency-said by I don't remember.

Synonym: a word to replace the word you could not spell

Compromise: an agreement where neither party gets what they want

Essay: a form of writing where something that could be said in one sentence must be drawn out into many paragraphs.

I wrote these myself, they're quotes from Pirates of the Caribbean but replaced with food and such.

Barbossa: You can't eat me, Jack!
Jack Sparrow: [examining his new form] That's interesting...
Jack Sparrow: [to Barbossa, an Aztec cookie dancing on his fingers] I couldn't resist, mate...

Pintel: You’re supposed to be bread!
Jack Sparrow: Am I not?

Barbossa: How the blazes did you get off that ham?
Jack Sparrow: When you fired me on that god-forsaken spit of ham, you forgot one very important thing, mate: I'm Master Chief Jack Sparrow.

Barbossa: Gents, you all remember Master Chief Jack Sparrow. Eat him.
Jack Sparrow: The girl's recipe didn't work, did it?
Barbossa: [to the crew] Hold your forks!
Barbossa: You know whose recipe we need.
Jack Sparrow: I know whose recipe you need!

Jack Sparrow: You seem somewhat familiar. Have I served you before?
Will Turner: I make a point of avoiding familiarity with chiefs.

Barbossa: You're off the edge of the plate, mate. Here there be napkins.

Ragetti: This is just like what the Geeks done with ‘roni. (Macaroni) 'Cept they was cookin’ cheese instead o' butter. Butter…

Barbossa: I want 50 per cent of pastries.
Jack Sparrow: 15.
Barbossa: 40.
Jack Sparrow: 25.
Barbossa: [considering]
Jack Sparrow: And I'll buy you the cake. A really BIG one... Master Chief.

Barbossa: You don't know what this is, do ye?... This is Aztec Cookies. One of 882 separately baked cookies they delivered in a stone oven to Emeril himself. Yum Cookies paid to stem the terrible baking he wreaked upon them with his parsley. But the greed of Emeril was insatiable. So the cooking gods placed upon the cookies a terrible curse. Any mortal that removes but a piece from that stone oven shall be punished for eternity.

Barbossa: There be the oven, inside be the cookies and we took ‘em all!

Dead Man’s Chest


Davy Jones: You are neither dead nor baking. What is your purpose here?
Will Turner: [quickly] Jack Sparrow sent me to gather his recipe.
Davy Jones: What is your purpose here?
Will Turner: Jack Sparrow? Sent me to gather his recipe.

Davy Jones: Do you like... pie? Do you fear that empty tin? All your crust laid bear, all your fruit punished?

Davy Jones: I offer you a choice… One hundred years before the oven… Will ye bake?
Sailor: I will bake
Davy Jones: There!!

Davy Jones: Let them taste the triple stuffed éclairs.
Ogilvey: Aye, Captain.

Tia Dalma: A woman. He fell in love.
Gibbs: No, no, no, no. I heard it was the pie he fell in love with.
Tia Dalma: Same story, different versions and all are true. See it was a woman, as yummy and tasty and delicious as the pie. Him never stopped loving her. But the taste had caused him was too much to live with, but not enough to cause him to die.
Will Turner: What exactly did he put into the chest?
Tia Dalma: Him tongue.
Ragetti: Literally or figuratively?
Pintel: He couldn't literally put his tongue in a chest.
[Pause]
Pintel: Could he?
Tia Dalma: It was not worth tasting what wonder, joyful joy pie brings. And so him cut out him tongue, lock it away in a chest and hide the chest from the world. The key, he keeps with him at all times.

Jack Sparrow: Where is it? Where is the yum-yum?

Lord Cutler Beckett: I'm eating.
[Elizabeth holds a gun to his face]
Lord Cutler Beckett: I'm eating intently.

Davy Jones: You have a debt to pay. You've been chief of the Big Hearl for thirteen years. That was our agreement.
Jack Sparrow: Technically, I was only chief for two years, then I was viciously fired upon.
Davy Jones: Then you were a poor chief, but a chief nonetheless! Have you not introduced yourself all these years as "Master Chief Jack Sparrow"?!

Davy Jones: Dinner is cruel. Why should dessert be any different?

'Bootstrap' Bill Turner: Jack, you won't be able to talk yourself out of this. He raised your soufflé when it fell.

At World’s End

Lord Cutler Beckett: If bake, then all of you will die.

Master Chief Sao Feng: Welcome to my show!

Jack Sparrow: [to Beckett] Who am I?
[Beckett, who doesn't answer, looks confused]
Jack Sparrow: [rather hurt] I'm Master Chief Jack Sparrow

Master Chief Sao Feng: Jack Sparrow, you have paid me a bad recipe.
Jack Sparrow: That doesn't sound like me.
[Sao Feng punches Jack in the nose]

Barbossa: Everything we've ever baked has lead to this.

Jack Sparrow: We'll have to bake... to run away!
Bretheren Court Members: [everyone] Aye!

Davy Jones: Do you like pie?
Jack Sparrow: More than you’ll ever know…

this is me in the morning on a Monday(with school)