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Balanced Out, 1st chapter (comments please)

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Raiu-chan the weirdo

PostPosted: Mon Aug 20, 2007 4:31 pm


It was an “ordinary” day. That’s how it always was from Aliah Miles’s point of view. Leaning against the black plaque that supported her back while she sat, she stretched her feet out so that her feet was now being tickled by fresh-cut blades of grass. The scent of smoke carried on in the air; someone was probably burning wood somewhere not too far off, Aliah decided. That scent in the air was starting to mix with the salt from the ocean that resided just behind the cliff she was on. The Cliff of Bad Execution, that is.
The weather was wonderful; summery, with a slight breeze in the wind. Again, just an ordinary day. The sun was always shining upon this world. Planet Abou is the perfect get-away planet. Surrounded completely by the ocean, the world only has one continent, with a few islands here and there. However no one ever payed attention to those islands, believing they were cursed. On the one continent, rest the glorious city of Brightdell.
However, unlike other planets such as earth, where you could watch the sun set on your favorite hillside, and see a hint of darkness following it, there is no darkness here. No darkness, no star, no sun setting, nothing. Always the same light day in and day out.
It was like Aliah thought, just an ordinary day. Pulling a few strand of her brilliant white hair out of her face, she sighed. She could hear the sound of the waves beating and crashing upon the cliff. What would she give to sail out upon it? To explore that sea full of adventure and treachery was Aliah’s dream.
Still, for now that dream will have to wait.
“I knew you be here. So predictable.” taunted a familiar voice.
Aliah lifted herself up with the assistance from the plaque. “What, Fawn? They let you out of jail already, huh?”
“Guess so. ….Or I might’ve snuck out. That’s a possibility, too.” Fawn chuckled for a second.
“Ingenious, Fawn. However, you can’t ignore that one painful fact that the mayor caught you stealing from his desk drawer.”
His shoulders slumped. “Gosh, you just won’t let me forget that one event? You’re evil,” he added with a bit of depression in his voice.
Before Aliah could respond to his comment, she saw Kitten, a classmate of hers, rush up to her. Thanks to her stocky build, Kitten stopped a few times to catch her breath, then proceeded to sprint up the steep cliff. Finally, she reached the cliff. She collapsed; her figure sprawled out on the grass, while she tried desperately to retrieve her breath.
“Aliah…you guys are…late…for the Illumination Festival…,”she had caught her breath now, “Did you guys forget or something? The ceremony is starting in five minutes. Ya gotta get going!” Her usual high-pitched voice was raised a little louder now.
“Whaddya mean, it’s starting, Kitten? I thought it was in an hour!” Fawn exclaimed, offering Kitten a hand. “Aliah, did you know about this?”
Aliah shook her head. “Nope, I thought it was tomorrow.”
Kitten stamped her hand in frustration on the ground. “Cripes! You two are hopeless,” she cursed, “Come on, then! I don’t wanna miss it.” She grabbed the other two teenager’s arms and forced them to bound down the cliff with her.
PostPosted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 6:19 pm


This is great

xSexyAznGirlx


Dragonrider258

PostPosted: Sun Aug 26, 2007 12:08 pm


I really like it. A little confusing at some points but really good over all. Will you comment on my Topic? Its called poems and stories. (PLEASE GIVE ME FEEDBACK) you don't have to but I'd really appreciate it.
PostPosted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 7:03 am


this isn't bad

Lily_Cute_Princess

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