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A general roleplay guild with emphasis on improving RPers. 

Tags: Roleplaying, Tutoring, School, School of Dedicated Role Players, RPing 

Reply 05 Character Profiles and Development
New Charcter: Zachez Dorun the monk of the elements

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Bojin_Akamoto

PostPosted: Sat Aug 18, 2007 9:13 am


Name: Dorun, Zachez
User: Bojin_Akamoto
Age: 30
Height: 6'3"
Weight: 201 Lbs
Hair style & color: Black Braided Ponytail
Skin tone: Light Tan
Eye Color: Blood Shot Black (always)
Posture: Strong, Demanding, and Respectful

Clothing and other garments
Wears a bandage around each arm starting from the fingertips and ending at the shoulder with a wolf fur coat that has the sleeves off. Wheres Bagy Leather pants ending at mid shin high boots. He wears a straw hat marking his rank at the monk temples of the god Seth (God of secrets)

History
Zachez was the age of 13 when his parents died in a terible fire that burned his arms to the point of never healing, he wears the bandages because it would drive everyone who looked at the burns to sorrow. The training as a monk taught him how to ignore the pain in his arms and use them to defend himself.

After the fire, Zachez was taken in by the temple of Seth. while there Zachez also learned alot about the world. Though he cannot feel the things other can touch with thier hands, Zachez as determined to show that he can still fight with the best of the them. Zachez was a national Tai-Chi fighter by the age of 16, he held the title for 5 years until he was forced to give it up due to his arm condition. Now he is on a quest to regain his honor, and he lives for that purpose, and that purpose alone.

example role-playing
Sorry, cannot give you one because i would have already thought of every posible way to win and that would make me seem like a god moder.  
PostPosted: Sat Aug 18, 2007 9:46 am


Interesting character concept here. It is like a lot of other martial art characters I've read, so I have a few questions for you.

1) So these are similar to the monks so prominantly imagined in asia, right? I thought that they did not worship dieties, but seek inner enlightenment. Are these monks different?

2) Isn't Seth the egyptian god of chaos, destruction, evil, and desert storms?

3) Isn't Tai-Chi a form of martial arts focused on relaxation and physical health, not fighting? I didn't think that they would have Tai-Chi fighting contests.

4) Why did you make the contest and title thing held so young? I think that it is a bit unrealistic, mainly because he would still be growing, and the body undergoes many physical changes when growing. Besides, most people's physical peak is in their twenties, not teens.

5) Try not to make him figure out every possible way to win, mainly because it is godmodding.

All in all, you can add a lot more information, like personality. Also, you could work on rounding and fleshing him out; he feels bland and flat to me. But you do have an interesting foundation on your character, so I hope to see great things come of this.

Roka_Shotar

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05 Character Profiles and Development

 
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