|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Fri Aug 17, 2007 7:45 pm
My name is Min. And I am a monster. I was abandoned at a young age, I was found but became an experiment. They tried to mix me and an animal--a cat. Once I was transformed, I broke out and escaped. I have blond hair and brown eyes but that isn't what will catch your attention. I have cat paws where my hands and feet should be. I have cat ears and a cat tail. I roamed the forest for a long time living like a wild cat searching for a place to belong. People always drive me away, no one wants a misfit like me. I have no home I usually take shelter in caves and trees, and I rarely go into public. If I ever go into a town or city I must wear a cloak and keep my cat-like features hidden. I have a soft heart but a quick temper. I am timid, but that doesn't mean I don't trust anymore. I value friends and would put my life on the line for them. I am desperate. I can not live like this much longer, when winter comes I may starve to death. It may be time for me to join dark forces...
Please tell me how my profile was. Constructive criticism is welcomed. Flaming is not. Thanks. ^^
EDIT:: Ok, apparently since everyone hates my character I'm making the bio over again
Name: Min
Hair Color: Blonde
Eye Color: Brown
Species: Half human half cat
History: Abandoned when young, she was used for experiments. Eventually they fused her with a cat, allowing her enough strength to escape.
Bio: Fun-loving and hyper, she jumps right into action. She loves shiny objects and bright colors and is very random. But she isn't stupid, she is actually quite smart. She will help her friends no matter the cost and try her best when they need her. She is very loving but tries not to let anyone be too close to her, and usually fails. Strong in body and mind, she will defend her friends till the day she dies.
Do not flame, gosh darn it! I've had enough of that
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Aug 19, 2007 12:22 am
My main concern here is stylization. It's very difficult to get a grasp on a history when it is told in first person. I suggest writing it again, but in third person this time. Your technical skills are obviously good, it's just a matter of translating.
Once you do switch it over, these are my suggestions; further define your character's background. It is really a big blank. Also, try to avoid making your character such a large stereotype. In addition, the character doesn't really have any flaws, beyond existing, and that's easily arguable. You might want to define your setting a little bit, so it's easier to tell how the character relates to everything.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Aug 20, 2007 7:46 am
Yeah, I need to work on my character a little more. It's hard to define her when she can change dramatically as time goes on, though.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 5:10 pm
I've heard that story a thousand times before. I hate to be so blunt, but there isn't any originality in your character.
My advice is to start by being more specific. If you insist on molding her with a feline, find a breed of cat and model parts of her appearance and personality after it to be at least a little realistic.
Cloaks, capes, etc. are pretty old fashioned and suspicious for a time when scientists would be altering human and animal DNA. Is this supposed to be a character for modern times, future, or past?
Finally, self-hate doesn’t do much for a character unless you find ways to really bring emotions into your writing.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Aug 23, 2007 9:01 am
Capes? Cloaks? What are you talking about? There are no capes or cloaks.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
