|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 7:20 am
I have no idea why, I just think I'll die
Only one step closer and then it's done, but what's the use if it's no fun
This is you and me, me and you
All the way to the end, until that hateful bend
Towards the end of this sad world, like a lost and forgotten baton once twirled
Like the cold and dark feelings of the night, worried, held close and bunched tight
I hear the lost sounds of a high pitched chime, kiss me one last time
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Sep 07, 2007 10:44 pm
that was hard for me to read, too much like my life. only i have no one to love, there's no me and some one else. only me. anyways i loved your poem. (even if it made me shed a tear)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Sep 08, 2007 8:21 am
I like it. It's really good. But at some points, I thought the you went slightly off beat.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Sep 09, 2007 3:00 pm
It's alright. Maybe try making the syllables match a bit more between lines?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
