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To be taken tongue-in-cheek, though there are valid points if you use your common sense. I skipped the points from the other post that either didn't fit, made no sense, or were just plain stupid. Sometimes all three.


1. Assuming that just because you have a hard on and a girlfriend, the twain must meet. I’m sorry I don’t feel like sex as soon as you do. Believe me, I try to get riled up, but sometimes it just aint happening. Go sort it out yourself and dream of catching me in the mood next time.

2. Thinking that kissing needs to be hot, heavy and wet all the time. Sure, it’s great, it’s fun, nothing wrong with it in itself. I just don’t feel like it every god damned time we kiss. Sometimes I want something soft and loving, not bruised lips.

3. Leaving me responsible for your orgasm. If you want me to get you off, give me some ideas, tell me what you like. But refer to number one if I’m not falling over myself.

4. Falling asleep two seconds after sex. I know you can’t help it. It’s all biology. But would it kill you to use those two seconds to at least give me a hug?

5. Huddling as far away as possible to go to sleep. Do I smell or something? Contact won’t kill you. Arm-draping is perfectly acceptable.

6. Expecting me to act like a porn star. That s**t is fake. Even the girls’ bodies can be fake. If you expect me to end every sex session with a money shot, you need your head examined.

7. Being selfish in bed. Sometimes I feel like giving oral. That doesn’t mean you keep me there for half an hour. You could at least do 69.

9. Pushing my head down on your c**k. Yes, I know you want a b*****b, even though you haven’t bothered coming out and asking me like a man. However, I don’t always feel like it. I feel like it even less since you think this tactic will work to persuade me that your c**k should be in my mouth. Bloody Neanderthal.

10. Not moving at all. If I’m riding you like a cowgirl, do something! You don’t like it if I’m a missionary statue, so why should I like it when you play that game?

11. Expecting me to strip while I’m getting undressed. Maybe I just have terrible balance, but I have enough trouble getting off my trousers without sitting down, never mind giving you a little wiggle while I’m at it.

12. Bitching at me for not shaving my legs. Call me a feminist, but why do I have to keep myself hairless while you can have monkey-legs? If I’m a little careless with the stubble, you go shave your legs every day, see how you like it.

13. Allowing your crotch to resemble the amazon. So it’s a cardinal sin if I’m not perfectly groomed, but you have no standards? If you want me to get a Brazilian, you get one too. Complaining isn’t going to convince me.

14. Assuming that a relationship means sex. All in good time, buddy. If you care, you’ll wait. If you b***h that you’re not getting any, obviously you don’t care.

17. Anti-condom. It won’t kill you. It won’t even hurt you. No condom, no sex. I’m not going on the pill just because you’re too much of a pansy to put your c**k in a rubber. I’m not having any of your damn babies or diseases, either.

18. Talking dirty without checking first. I don’t like being called your b***h, and you’d know that if you’d had the courtesy to test the water. Just because degrading me gets you off doesn’t mean it’ll make me hot.

20. Everything’s a quickie. Good at times, sure, but I want some slow, sensual sex once in a while.

21. My a** is not your plaything. Unless I specifically say you can (and you damn well better ask), you may not play with my a**. Consider stroking universally acceptable, and anything beyond that requires permission. In the case of a**l, written permission.

22. Never undressing me. I like it. At least give it a try.

23. Keeping the lights on all the time. Sometimes it’s fun to have sex in the dark. If you insist on keeping the light turned on, don’t get into an argument about who’s turning it off when you want to go to sleep.

24. Refusing to get on top. Stop being a lazy arse and give me some missionary.

25. Getting that shocked look on your face. Can you even help that? Are you just surprised you’re having sex, or what?

26. Expecting me to touch myself for you. I think I’ve mentioned that I’m not your plaything. Not everyone gets off touching their own breasts.

27. Being insulted when I try to guide your hand. You’re not doing anything wrong. I’m just showing you what I like. You’d think men would value this kind of tuition.

31. Forgetting that I have a body that likes to be touched, too. I’m not just a p***y, a** and breasts. There’s a lot in-between and beyond. Play around, see what I like. You could even try asking if you recall my ability to speak.

32. Expecting me to teabag you. I’m sorry, but have you ever had a guy’s balls in your mouth? Did you relish the experience? No? Then don’t expect me to.

35. Throwing me about. That s**t hurts, man. It’s great fun and all but not every bloody time. I just look at the bruises and wince.



38. Throwing a b***h fit when I refuse a threesome. Just because it’s your wet dream doesn’t make it my duty to fulfil it.

41. Getting it in my hair. Never appreciated.

42. Not making any noises at all. Moaning is sexy. Try it sometime. However, don’t fake it. You will be found out and I will be pissed off. Also, if you make me believe you like something when you don’t, I’ll just continue doing it, thinking you like it. You’re just making things bad for yourself.

43. Faking orgasms. If I think you love something, I’ll repeat it. If you don’t like something, don’t make me repeat it.

44. Not washing before sex. Soap and water are your friends. This could be one of the reasons I won’t give you a b*****b, you know. Put it this way: showering frequently increases the frequency of blowjobs, There’s an incentive for you, if looking and smelling nice wasn’t enough.

45. Anything that involves inserting anything into my body that I have not specifically approved beforehand.

49. Getting huffy if they lose their hard on. The end of your erection is not the end of the world. I’m quite happy to keep trying until it comes back. If it doesn’t come back, no matter, we’ll work something out.

50. Stopping everything after they’ve came. That’s nice that you’ve orgasmed, really it is. I’m positively giddy for you. But have I orgasmed? No? Why is this no problem to you? Make it your problem, and solve it. Besides, you might get that hard on back in the process and we can go through everything all over again.

There are a few good ideas in here, but I don't dare bring up my arguments. *runs*

... >.> *yawn* No more staying up until 3 in the morning for me... ... ... oh wait. It's the weekend. My bad....

Ya know something funny 'bout that list. I'm your typical sensitive guy. I take a lot of crap from people because arguing isn't that important to me. Half of my relationships end because I was being more caring than the person on the female end. What the hell people. What the freakin' hell. My last gf did everything that she could to try and piss me off. I didn't realize this until she actually came out and said, "Hey, what the ******** makes you angry?" ...That's when I got pissed off. e.e Someone that I care about trying to make me angry or "Show some balls." You know what? I don't get in a ******** relationship to make people angry. I want to be able to relax when I'm with someone I care about. *grumble grumble mumble* Ok. I'm done ranting to an audience that won't respond. xD I pretty much typed all this out for myself. I needed to hear it and it's three-ish in the morning. >.> I haven't been on gaia in forever. xD

i gotta admit, there is quite a bit of truth behind those statements >_> funny as they are