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'a nice sunny day...' Careful with the article usage. They'll sound funny otherwise.

Try not to be too redundant with word phrasing. If Haseo ran quickly to the window, it'll be better to use another verb to describe the people's action...fleeing.

It might be wise not to keep repeating 'scared because he couldn't find his mom'. Try to find other ways of directly saying, or indirectly implying it. 'growing anxiety'...'quickening pulse'...and etc. Stuff like that. In an active rp, other people will be reading your posts. You'll want to capture their attention...so they don't become lazy and just skim through for main idea.

I might seem picky about the minor deatils but please revise your post and I'll look at it again.

Other than what I have said, your post length is good.

the nice sunny day -> a nice sunny day

saw everybody fleeing -> was shocked to see the villagers fleeing

Transitional sentences right afterwards... Connect your post sequence. Was the village perhaps under attack...? He should alert his mother!

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He walked down the nervously down the stairs in his dark quite house to find his mom. -> You could use thoughts (in italics) to emphasize details in your posts. Rewording could look like this... Apprehensive, he went downstairs, intent to find her. The house was dark...

Haseo had a quickening pulse because he still couldn't find his mom.

Do you ever see writers phrase it like that? RP is indeed in third person, but the point is not to detach the voice too much from the character it is relating to. It'll be weird, as well as less effective (because you are alienating the reader too much from the character to catch their attention). Revising this sentence could be into something like this...

His pulse quickened, anxiety embracing him in torrents... Just where was his mother?

Rhetorical question is simply just one of many ways to achieve this. Adjectives are nice, but adjectival phrases are more effective. The point is...try to achieve what you want to say in the least words possible for sophistication and more dynamic phrasing, to give life to your posts. Now, while a decent vocabulary helps, manipulating basic words by rephrasing also helps. For this reason, some of my phrasing suggestions are a little different from conventional English, as you can probably see.

I notice you have a tendency to be a little redundant. Try not to use the character's name fifty thousand times. Mix it in with pronouns and adjectival phrases. For example, if this character was a Chuunin, you could also open the post with "It was a nice sunny day. A certain Chuunin boy was preparing to head outside when the sounds of shouting captured his attention..."

Or, you could relate to the character by his appearance or rank..."raven-haired boy" if he had black hair, "the clan prince" if he was from a large clan, "prodigy" or "dead-last"... Things like that. But you have to watch where to put them into use. An example would be using this phrasing 'emerald eyed *insert character's name*' the first time introducing a character of yours who happened to have green eyes

I don't want you just to copy and paste my suggestions in. That won't help. So try rephrasing the statements I made red on your own, with the exception of the one with the article correction (in that case, you use 'a' not 'the'...so make the correction exactly as I have asked).

Besides those minor minor grammatical fixings, you're well to go. Pass.

You don't need to center posts. @_@

Hmnn...I am pleased with the length (and that's saying a lot right off the bat). Watch the punctuation, especially when the characters are speaking...please... ;_; Maybe it's because my English teacher is a martinet this year, but it looks to me like the missing periods hopped off the page and slapped me in the face... @_@''

ANYWAYS! Something's weird. I dunno, I kind of get the humor but there's something...off...about your phrasing. I guess...kind of...dry...? Mn...ah! There's very little variation to sentence structure. It kind of abruptly chops off how the post flows.

Hijikata turned around. -> 'Hijikata spun around, furious.' Would've inserted better.

"What the hell are you doing!" -> If you put an exclamation mark there, it gives the question the effect of a statement. x3 Which contextual wise seems to be what the character was aiming for...demanding a response.

Hijikata said running over and beat up his own ally. -> This sentence bothers me... It looks like a fragment, and it doesn't because it does have the subject and predicate parts...but still...I don't like it... ;_;

Hijikata screamed! -> Totally unnecessary. Just end it with a period and give actual said words in the quotation marks the exclamation mark instead.

I fixed the first paragraph's punctuation and gave it some variation. Proofread the second paragraph and do the same thing with it! xP Use more verbs to give the interaction between the characters a more dynamic effect.

Um Hayate-sempai... Why did you PM me when Proto was already helping you out here?

Also, when posting as two people, it's best to put them in different colors so it's easier for people to tell who is who.

Hmm, why is this taking so long. My post seemed to be better then other people that were accepted, I didn't want to put much effort in it but still, its still of decent ability.

Okay I'll keep that in mind, then am I accepted?

(I am posting as one of my older characters. Izahel, he comes naturally to me and is easier for me to RP with especially at a good magnitude.)

The vibration of the wolves growls pierced through the air. They hit his ear lightly which caused it to twitch from reaction and sheer interest. The soft form of his lip curled upward toward the left corner. The grin that appeared over his face flashed only the slightest of his white teeth. The grin that he gave sent life into the dull golden optics. He slid his right hand out of his pocket and gently nudges thesmall strands of hair gently from his left eye. his fingers ducking the silver hair behind his ear.

I can feel it.. There has to be something interesting this way.. even if it is lowly wolves it could just give me a clue as to why my satellites won't pick up images in this direction.

His right hand slid form his neck to the zipper on the strap of the backpack that hung so loosely upon his shoulder and drapped across his waist to hold the bag upon the opposite side. He gripped the opening of a pouch letting a rectangular square wrapper slide into his hand. He close the puch only with his pink and began to entrically move his fingers around the rectangle still skillfully holding the object. The wrapped peeling off as the fingers calculate and pull it form the brown bar that is revealed.

He Brings the wrapper to the corner of his lips. his teeth opening gripping down upon the edge of the bar and ripping it from the rest of it. The chocolate flowing into his mouth as his teeth tears away at the geometry of the object.

he begins to place each pale white foot infront of the other as he begins to walk toward the sounds he heard earlier. The chocolate bar slowly disapearing from his hand as he walks in interest. He stops as he comes into view of the black wolf with chains around the paws. The wolves appear to be in some kind of territorial altercation. He grips a big chunk of the bar with his teeth as he hears the wolves speak english despite their forms. His eyes widen with interest as his mind begins to grind upon the possibilities of what phenomenon could possibly possess these creatures to have the intellect to speak. He found his subjects for now.