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 Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2005 8:43 am
Yes I must commend you Kapo on your improvement, even though there were conflicting opinions, I'm still glad we have yours!
Also, welcome Fletcher, how are you?
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Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2005 4:16 pm
Dear journal:
"Equally screwed".
Love, Q
What404: So how's your love life?
Brigrel Q: haha, nonexistant
What404: bitching
What404: why not?
What404: First off all you are a blank seeking blank?
What404: fill in the blanks*
Brigrel Q: XD
Brigrel Q: I'm bisexual and androgynous
Brigrel Q: So I'm pretty much screwed either way
What404: so you are both seeking both
What404: Well s**t you should have no problem
Brigrel Q: XD
Brigrel Q: It's more like I'm nothing seeking both
What404: if my bestest friend is having problem finding p***y and c**k then I will help my bestest friend find the p***y adn the c**k.
What404: then you'd fit in perfectly in San Francisco
What404: OKAY! Now pretend I am a girl approach me like you would approach a girl. Come on do it! We'll role play
Brigrel Q: 0o
Brigrel Q: I'm also an asexual
What404: no?
What404: COME ON DUDE!
What404: JUST ROLE PLAY!
Brigrel Q: I don't want the p***y and/or the c**k, I just want a relationship. ;_;
What404: Okay that's more difficult.
What404: BUT! I CAN HELP!
Brigrel Q: See? Screwed
What404: I know a few things
What404: Because I talk to women all day
What404: Okay first off they don't want a nice guy
What404: they want an a*****e
What404: so what you gotta do to start the relationship is treat them like dirt
Brigrel Q: 0o um..
What404: then you gotta flip it after a week or 2 and become a niec guy
What404: so that they won't leave you.
What404: Confused?
What404: So am I.
Brigrel Q: Are you sure...?
What404: No.
What404: But I do know this.
What404: Fat chicks, seem to be more interested in relationships than skinny girls
Brigrel Q: Have you tried it? =
Brigrel Q: the a**/nice thing
What404: No I can't get single girls to talk to me.
What404: This theory I came up with after talking to them for a long time.
Brigrel Q: ...
What404: ya know the girls in relationships
Brigrel Q: I don't think I should take any of your relationship advice, man
What404: yeah they all date assholes
What404: No you shouldn't
What404: I'm just bored
Brigrel Q: ...
---
As long as you don't flame what404, he doesn't care about his name being up.
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Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2005 3:24 pm
I'm really angry. The blood thirsty kind of angry. I feel enraged. I have no reason to feel like this. It's been building up all day. I fear it may get worse.
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Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2005 10:57 pm
Nios I'm really angry. The blood thirsty kind of angry. I feel enraged. I have no reason to feel like this. It's been building up all day. I fear it may get worse. I'm sorry I get like that too sometimes. Just try not to kill anyone until it passes. heart 3nodding heart [Edit] here maybe this will cheer you up i don't know why but it makes me smile. Picture!
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Posted: Mon Sep 05, 2005 6:48 am
I locked myself in my room to limit any pain I could cause. But my anger switched to sadness later and I just cried for a few hours. Now I think I'm ok. It's hard to tell as I just woke up. Hehe thanks for the picture.
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Posted: Mon Sep 05, 2005 8:26 am
Heh that's a cute picture but at first it scared the s**t outta me, it was loading and it went from the top down and I saw the eyes and I was like WOAH, didn't see that coming. sweatdrop
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Posted: Mon Sep 05, 2005 4:22 pm
SeraphiceAngel Heh that's a cute picture but at first it scared the s**t outta me, it was loading and it went from the top down and I saw the eyes and I was like WOAH, didn't see that coming. sweatdrop I think it was the sheer size and the fact that I couldn't tell what it was for a second. Someone needs to get out more (i.e. me). sweatdrop
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Posted: Tue Sep 06, 2005 1:42 am
CURSED INSOMNIA! I can't go to sleep and it's 2:45 am crying at least I don't have my 8am class tomorrow. So, I'm sitting up reading...when ironically enough I should be doing homework.
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Posted: Tue Sep 06, 2005 6:21 am
Zhoashen I can't go to sleep and it's 2:45 am crying at least I don't have my 8am class tomorrow. So, I'm sitting up reading...when ironically enough I should be doing homework. That sounds oddly familiar. Nios -- *hug*
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Posted: Tue Sep 06, 2005 4:23 pm
Thank you Astri.
Today was orientation day at NSCAD. It wasn't a very pleasant experience. Everyone called me "Kate" and "she". I introduced myself as Kite to strangers yet they still called me Kate. Maybe I need to find a name that is less similar. It's just hard cause of my mother. I know Kite is just temporary, but that doesn't mean I can still be called Kate. Kate is no longer an option.
I'm not complaining about friends calling me Kate. Obviously it's a difficult adjustment all of the sudden. It's not going to be something people are consciously thinking about. I even had to come out to people today. I don't feel like having to come out to every individual. Sometimes I wish it were mandatory for the whole world to read my Livejournal. Save me having to repeat myself at least.
I think I'm going to go to my classes early tomorrow and explain my situation to my teachers. I want to start the year off as male so it won't seem weird when I start my physical transition. I want everyone to know and accept me as male. I don't care if they think I'm some really strange guy. As long as they don't think I'm a girl.
I want to pump myself with testosterone and get surgery as soon as possible now. If that's what it really takes for people to understand me and accept me then so be it. I'm done being a freak anyways. Maybe I should take out a big student loan and then start saving up for my surgery now. Then I won't have to wait nearly as long. Sure I'd be stuck with huge interest rates to pay back for the rest of my life, but at least I'd be happy. Happier than I would be stuck living like this.
Yes I'm vain. Now give me my surgery.
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Posted: Tue Sep 06, 2005 8:35 pm
Astri Zhoashen I can't go to sleep and it's 2:45 am crying at least I don't have my 8am class tomorrow. So, I'm sitting up reading...when ironically enough I should be doing homework. That sounds oddly familiar. Nios -- *hug* Oh yes, by next week I'll know a new level of mental pain. And I second the hug for the new problem at hand. *hug* sad
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Posted: Wed Sep 07, 2005 3:29 pm
*cries* Was. Stuck. In. Mother's. Car. While. She. Did. Errands. ALL DAY!
That is all. cry
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Posted: Wed Sep 07, 2005 5:55 pm
I hate when that happens Astri. Not that it happens to me that often as my parents would rather just make me do their errands without them.
So today was my first actual day of classes. The day was ok. I won't really talk about that. Yet another upsetting incidence happened today that was much more direct.
I went to my drawing class early hoping to catch my teacher before class so I could explain my "situation." Unfortunately I didn't get to talk to her. To start off class she called out peoples names. There was nothing I could do but sit there and wait for her to yell "Kate." I felt so embarrassed. I replied that I preferred Kite, but there was no way I can pass in that class. There are two friends in my class that I have yet to come out to so they were surprised to hear me say that.
After that we had to get into partners and ask each other questions. The first question my partner asked me was why I called myself Kite. I just wanted to run away.
After two hours we had a 15 minute break. I talked to my teacher then. I was kind of choked up and felt like I could cry, which surprised me. I found it hard to talk about. Of course she was nice about it and even told me where washrooms were that were usable by both male and females.
I wish I didn't have to explain myself. I wish everyone could just know I was the boy named Kite.
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Posted: Wed Sep 07, 2005 6:53 pm
Nios I wish I didn't have to explain myself. I wish everyone could just know I was the boy named Kite. Someday you won't have to, honey. Until then, I offer hugs and a punching bag. :-
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Posted: Wed Sep 07, 2005 7:21 pm
Thank you Astri. -hug- but there shall be no punching.
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Reply
![[Q]'s avatar](https://a1cdn.gaiaonline.com/dress-up/avatar/ava/23/15/1f06246f41523_flip.png?t=1465986572_6.00_11)
