Welcome to Gaia! ::

Restaurant manager is not a proper noun, so capitalization (for both words) is unnecessary. Your main problem seems to be unable to properly use clear detonation clauses/phrases. At times, I cannot tell if it's the manager or Daisuke speaking.

Would you please correct this in either another sample or elaborate? On a personal note, I would prefer taking out the profanity as well...

Okay thank you. I'll just do another RP.

RP Sample:Daisuke started breathing heavily; Sweat started drizzling down his face. He deceitfully concealed a stolen scroll in his pant pocket and hid behind a basket in a nearby ally way . A rouge ninja raced by and caught the ever slightest glimpse of Daisuke's foot. "Oh no." Daisuke thought. He abruptly stood up and started running. He didn't know where he was running he just wanted to get away from the other ninja. The rouge ninja acknowledged Daisuke and knew that he was faster than him. He vanished in a trail of dirt after Daisuke. The ninja reached down for his bag of kunai just before approaching his target. He gripped it tightly and jabbed Daisuke in the back. Daisuke feeling a sharp pain in the back unwillingly fell to the ground.

((Guess I can't be lazy and use the rp sample I gave in my application...lol))

Isao wandered the barren fields of his war stricken homeland, panting with every step he took beneath the ruthless heat of the sun. How long had he been walking and where was he going? Only a fool would go and get himself lost at a time like this. He should have listened to his mother's voice in his head back when he took that right turn out of the forest. "Great. Now I'm going to loose my mind out here in this heat. If only I could find some shade..." Wiping an armful of sweat from his forehead, Isao suddenly stopped, squinting his eyes and raising a hand to further shield his vision from the sun. Up ahead was the silhouette of what appeared to be approaching horsemen. He hoped they'd be able to send him in the right direction of the nearest town, or at the very least, provide him with water.

Sweet, thanks.

Rp sample: Kobushi looked out over the herizon as he he reached the top of the hill. He looked at the sunset marvelling at its beauty, breathing heavily from the exertion of climbing the hill. It was worth. The sight he saw was breath takingly beautiful. He sighed contently at the sight and smiled thinking back to memories of his father. He scratched at the shoulder of the jacket he was wearing, his father's old Jounin jacket. "Why him?" he asked wondering why his father had to die. He wasn't sad anymore just questioning why it had to happen. If there was a reason behind everything like people said then what was the reason for this. Ko just couldn't figure it out. He turned his back on the sunset heading back down the hill and towards his village knowing he would be back like always to visit this site as he did every in memory of his father.

Yamata searched the forest, looking for his missions "package". He looked aimlessly for a clue or a sign that could set him an a direction, but he had no luck. He then began thinking to himself on whether or not he should continue, but he never gave up in his life, so why would he stop now. He continued to look around and even though his Luck was usually bad, he spotted a broken twig. He stopped hopping along the trees and searched the area. He then saw a trail of broken twigs and such, so he began following it. He made sure that he stayed a short distance away from the actual trail, just in case there were traps set up..

Pretty good. Some things could be put into smaller scentences. like for instance.

"Aku was woken up by a cold breeze. As he sat up, he saw that his body was covered in sweat."

I see two other scentences like this.

My character is Niame Henka from Iwagakure. I did not realize i had to do the Rp academy and i am actually done with my profile. here is my sample

Niame dodged the projectile kunai, and flipped into a forward somersault, getting closer to Mouko, his enemy. Mouko was a persistant shinobi though and he began a series of hand signs.

"Rat, Ox, Boar Tiger, Rat, Dragon, Boar, Snake....." Mouko mumbled to himself, sparks starting to surge through his hands. Niame knew that if he didn't close the final gap soon he was going to be defeated, so he concentrated his chakra into his feet and sprang up at Mouko. Finally finishing his technique's preparation, Mouko called out its name, "ARASHI!"

"Not this time", Niame said as he triggered his bloodline, shaping himself into a tiger and clawing into Mouko's right arm, and sinking his teeth into Mouko's left. Mouko screamed in pain and his hand fell limp against his sides. Niame pushed himself off Mouko as he fell to the ground in pain.

Although he tried to remain emotionless while looking into his former friend's face, he still felt guilty and he pittied Mouko. He dashed away from him, knowing he would be paralyzed by pain for the time being, allowing him to escape.