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 Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2005 5:35 pm
*stabs himself with a knife*"wait I can't die that away..."walks off dissapointed.
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Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2005 5:42 pm
Gah! I'm gone for two days and i have soooo much to read *head explodes* Most of the scores from me will be posted tomarrow..sorry for the wait ^.^"
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Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2005 7:39 pm
Updated the first page. (Notice how Leniar graded 5 tests already) XD.
I need to catch up X-x
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Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2005 7:51 pm
Lets face it Kurai we should just let Lenair grade all of the bloody things, I've got two under my belt and she gets five. You know what Lenair? It's people like you who make people like me look bad! I hate you forever and I'm going to run away with your plushie so there ha! It doesn't make me look bad, well actually yes it does, but thats beside the point!
And by the way all, English is my second language, I'm half Israeli and learned hebrew before English, so theres no excuses! None at all, expecially if I can go and transliterate (translate cept its not letters as we know em, its symbols)
Seriously mate if I can rp half decently you can to. Yes it takes a bit of work, but if you want the star then you will work at it. If you do it shows, however on the flip side if you don't it shows again.
No Excuses!
ninja stare scream eek
(( Hehe I'm a smiley whore! blaugh sweatdrop stressed BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Either that or just hyper ))
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Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2005 7:53 pm
nah Dude.
::pats his back::
We are just guys XD. Guys are more lazier then gurls, we just have to accept that. Now lets go lounge on the couch and eat pizza XP.
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Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2005 7:56 pm
Well I am sitting on my butt eating cold pizza and watching the Military Channel, so I think I've got it covered. Yeah watch you and I only grade say five between the two of us. We're the token guys aren't we? You keep us in so that the Govs dont get all Affirmative Action on us?
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Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2005 9:29 pm
Michio had followed the direction pertaining to the test and had walked all the way to the testing room. It was empty with a door at the other end of this round room. The behind him closes and the sound of a lock is heard. "So I came to the right place, huh?" The lights begin to dim so his eyes could get ready for the almost darkness that was coming. "What! The light is going out. That can't be good."
After the light got quite near total darkness, the other door opens and out comes, very slowly, a human-sized violet mushroom with four tendril like tentacles and a mass of small root-like feelers at the base, to allow it to move slowly.
((Note, that is the paraphrased description as in the DnD 3.5 Monster Manual))
"What is that!?" Michio says as he draws his blade from its sheath with his right hand. He then runs at the beast swinging with his sword, but he misses the main bell of the shroom and slices off a tentacle.
The shroom counters with another tentacle and it strikes Michio's right arm, ripping his sleeve.
Michio takes another swing with his sword, this one connects and slices into the shroom deeply. The foe is bruised, but not out.
The shroom now attacks with all of it's tentacles, and damages Michio's arm right again, making it to damaged to move,
Michio mutters something under his breath as his switches his scimitar to his left hand and puts it up, knowing he wouldn't be able to fight with it like this. He holds up his left hand and a small cone of flames emerge and burn the shroom, killing it. The flames dissipate as fast as they appeared, and Michio exits the room, so he can heal.
((That Magic spell was the Level 1 Sor/Wiz DnD 3.5 spell Burning Hands))
((Note: I rolled up the hits, misses, and damage with a bit of quicky DnD))
((My fingers hurt now))
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Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2005 10:31 pm
I'm writing my test right now. It'll be done tommorow...looks like I may be the last. Sorry.
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Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2005 10:40 pm
Lol, nothing wrong with being last. You know what they say... "save the best for last". And so on...
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Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2005 11:01 pm
In the words of Bill Cunnigham, "Na baby, Na!" ^w^ I love that resturaunt.
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Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 5:21 am
I so knew you were using Dnd stuff, I was flipping through my monsters manual and went wait a second...
>.<
DND DORKS! eek xp
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Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 9:35 am
The door opens, light slowly stretching into a square as the door was removed from sight. Walking in, Zero felt two things immediately. The cold, stale air that resulted from living out it's fragile life surrounded by steel and the silence that accompanied it. The light clicks of the soles of his shoes echoed in a strange way, the sound perhaps changed by his attentiveness, or the spaciousness of the place. It was a massive steel dome, completely closed. He could make out a a door made of the same steel on the other side, directly opposite of his entrance. A hard, cold voice rang out over hidden speakers in the room, announcing his name.
"The match will begin as of now....there are no time constraints, and the only rules are....
Silence resounded, the place becoming so quiet, only his breathing disrupted the deathly peace. A crackle echoed, and Zero's eyes widened as the sound of a gasp emitted from the speakers. It was a gasp of pain, and of fear. Not something an average person could conclude, but this was something Zero knew from experience.
Shaking the thought from his mind, he shifted his eyes from the ceiling, where he supposed the speakers were, to the door opposite him. Shrieking sounds of metal against metal resound as the door slides upward.
"That's a bit different from my door...that seems more like a cage to me."
An impenetrable darkness was all that lay behind it, regardless of how hard Zero strained to see. Then, when it seemed as if nothing was there, bright red eyes opened slowly, bright enough to illuminate the immediate area around them. The face was the same color as the walls around him.
"A robot? Surely you're kidding...."
Smirking, he flicks his hair out of his eyes with contempt, making sure whoever was watching saw his disdain of the situation.
"I'm no amateur. You're gonna regret the loss of machinery that'll result from this And yes, I am promising that it will be irretrievable scrap metal when I'm done."
Suddenly, something caught his eye. There, in the middle of the air, was a ripple. It was strange....it was just like a ripple in water, as if the air had suddenly transformed. It happened again, a rumbling accompanying it. Raising an eyebrow, Zero transfers his weight equally between both feet and readies himself. On this ripple, as the edges spread outward, the landscape changed. It was drastic.....And tangibly real. The finite space the arena had previously been became endless, trees spreading off in every direction farther than the eye could see. The ripple followed through with it's course, but the illusion was incomplete, as far as Zero judged.
"Very realistic, but then again, not at all. You just put a painting on the wall."
As if waiting to counter his statement, the rumble increased, shaking the ground. Suddenly, the floor of the arena ruptured all over, steel breaking up as branches pushed their way, clambering for the non-existent sunlight. The very steel under Zero's feet began to rise quickly, pushed up by immense branches. Suddenly, the arena was no longer there. It was a growing, living forest.
Quickly, Zero pushed off, clearing the edge of the steel barely. Beginning to drop, Zero turned around and grabbed one of the branches that was pushing his very foothold up wards. Wincing a bit at the rough bark, he swung his legs to the left, and flipped up wards, landing on top. Looking above the trees, Zero waited for the steel he had been on hit the ceiling, but no impact came. The branches reached higher and higher into the sky, with Zero and the steel along for the ride. Finally coming to a stop, Zero looked down.
No way...this is a real jungle....
Putting on a show of bravado, Zero flicked his hair, once again.
"Ok..I admit it. This is pretty good. But still, alot of energy wasted on a quick fight like this. If you can call it a fight."
Swinging down wards, he jumped from branch to branch, finally coming to the now earthy ground. Standing up, he brushed his hands off.
"Now...for that robot."
Pulling out his kunai from the wrist sheath, he kept the cold blade down by his side. Out of nowhere, a whistle sounded. Quickly, he raised his kunai and a double point needle bounced to the side with a clang. Crouching into a defensive position, he scanned quickly, his eyes darting around the landscape.
It can't be behind me, or the needle wouldn't have come in that direction. He's attacking directly. Bold, but stupid.
Seeing a flash of silver amid the dull green and brown, Zero threw two stars in the direction, whistling through the air with the same tune as the needle. Pushing off, his thighs strained as he shot through the air, right behind the stars. Landing on a branch above where he glimpsed the robot, he watched the stars as they sliced through the foliage. To his satisfaction, his ears caught the familiar clang of deflection, once, twice. Marking the position of the sound, he pushed off again, pulling his kunai arm back to strike. Crashing through the foliage, time seemed to freeze as he saw the robot full on. It was humanoid, bright silver steel arms and legs. It's eyes were what made the robot however. The same red, devoid of feeling, eyes that he had glimpsed earlier.
Time unfroze then, finding Zero hurtling toward the robot at top speed, the robot standing still. Then, faster, much faster, then Zero expected, the robot reacted. It's hands pulled inward into it's arms, and then came back out as whirling buzz saws.
What the....
Raising it's now deadly hands, it hacked toward Zero's neck with it's left saw, and guarded it's head with the other. Twisting the already-present kunai in his right hand, he pulls it up and slams it down into the saw in one fluid moment, at the same time sliding a kunai out of his wrist sheath into his left hand with a flick. A grinding metallic shriek erupted as the right kunai collided with the saw's course, sparks flying. It pushed the saw down, out of the way of Zero's throat.
He hurtled past, going right past the left side of the robot's head. Twisting around, he hurtled his left kunai at the robot. It turned, inhumanly fast, hitting the kunai out of the air with one swipe with it's damaged saw, and then spitting a needle from it's mouth. Still soaring through the air, his eyes widened as the needle whistled toward him. It hit him straight in the left shoulder, pain erupting through Zero's body. The pain made him unable to react, and he slammed back-first straight into a tree, so hard he actually made an imprint into the bark. Slumping forward, Zero tried to move, but to no avail.
s**t he's fast.....I couldn't keep up!
Blood dripping down his chin, his hair hangs down over his face as he lies limp. Metallic clunks alerts him to the robot coming toward him. Panicked, he tries to get up, managing only to get some movement. Staggering to his knees, he spits blood, the red fading as it fell down wards. Trying to stand, he staggers and falls back to his knees. Pain explodes as a metallic foot connects with his face, slamming him up wards, onto his feet, and back into the bark. Without a pause, he feels the metal fists against his stomach, punches coming one after another. Blood sprays from Zero's mouth as he is repeatedly slammed back into the tree, again and again. Feeling his mind fading, he feels blood coming from his stomach and mouth.
T...this is s...u...pposed to be...a...school...exam...
As he feels himself fading, an unexpected surge of anger courses through him, exploding at every nerve ending. Slowly lifting his face, blood dripping from his chin, he stares the robot straight in the eyes as the fists continue to slam into Zero. Managing to speak with this newfound strength, his words are punctuated by the onslaught.
"I. Wasn't. Kidding. When. I. Said. I would turn you into scrap METAL!"
Surging upward on the last word, Zero grabs the robot's head, bringing it downward into his knee. Feeling a crush, his knee rips straight through, tearing circuitry and steel alike. A metallic shriek echoes, eery and shocking, but cut suddenly short. Coming all the way through, he flips over the robot, landing on his feet. Turning around, he saw a now half decapitated robot. Shredded metal lay on the ground, while some was still barely connected to the now sparking circuitry coming from the neck. Spitting more blood of the branch, he looks at his palms, as if they held the answer.
What's with this? I feel like nothing even happened...by my experience, I should be dead, or close to it. My kidney got ruptured...and I suffered some mass damage, but I feel nothing...
Pulling the needle out of his shoulder, he looked back toward the robot. To his surprise, the robot turned slowly toward him, lifting a buzz saw. Suddenly, it makes a clean slice above it's neck joint, severing the now useless circuitry.
"No way...."
Leaping toward Zero, it caught him off balance. A saw ripped through his other shoulder, and Zero screamed in pain. Dropping to his knees, he gritted his teeth and swung a leg at the robots knee joints. Going straight through with a familiar crunch, the robot dropped, landing on it's torso, calf and foot joints now severed from the main body. Hand on his shoulder and breathing heavily, Zero winced.
It couldn't see.....
Feeling anger, he pulled out a kunai from his belt, the two in his wrist sheaths gone. Shoulder screaming in pain, Zero winced and pushed past it, slamming his kunai repeatedly into the thing's back. Sparks fly and machinery groans as it comes to a stop. Rolling the thing off the branch, he heard several cracks and crashes as it hit branches on it's way down. With a final thud, the robot, or what was remaining of it, hit the ground. A small explosion from far down marked the end, and Zero fell to his knees. The pain had all come back, and Zero knew he needed some sort of help, fast. But that wasn't the last thing that came to mind.
I better have won....I can't lose to a piece of trash like that...I'm Zero..The Zero...
And with that last thought, he lost consciousness, eyes closing on a face riddled with blood.
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Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 9:42 am
SO much to do...so little time *dies*
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Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 10:03 am
Wow. That was...fun. I did that from 11 to 1 o clock last night. I think that may not have been the best idea, but I'll judge that from my score. Gah...I'm so curious to know my score. You guys don't have to hurry or anything...Take your time..of course. Twitch. Twitch.
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Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 1:24 pm
Michio
Length and Pacing: I must say that... with the battle actions displayed, your post wasn't all that substantial. It should have been lengthier, since, you lacked a lot in other such responses, whether it be from thought, rumination, expression, and showing pain. The pacing was alright, in one sense, but your post should have been longer that than. Everything just appeared too mechanical. I mean, I know who gained a hit and who didn't... but, you didn't really show much past that. It was simply too basic. So for future reference, try for evenly pacing throughout the post, and try for making it lengthier. I mean, spend more than a few hours on this if you will. Take a break, and then add more to it. This isn't a race. In our past test, we were given almost thirty days or more.
Grammar: Now, the only real grammatical error that I saw was your use of "shroom". "Shroom" is not a real term, you should have used "fungus" or "mushroom" instead. Maybe even "pseudo-decomposer", since your enemy appeared to be carnivorous. Or, put apostrophes or quotation marks on both sides of the word, to indicate that it is not a real word. But other than that, I saw nothing else wrong.
Personality: There was a total lack of personality. I mean, there wasn't any thought or even much said. I didn't see that much expression or even showings of pain, from either Michio or the mushroom creature. If he had felt anger towards the end, you didn't reveal it by much. There has to be more expression on his part, whether it be an apathetic look within his eyes, unshed tears, thoughts, just something more. But just as I had stated before, your character appeared just too mechanical, and I know that he isn't like this normally about the school grounds. So next time, work on not concealing your character's feelings, portray them through his actions. If he doesn't say much at all, at least allow thoughts to run freely through his mind. And if he is actually hit, making him yell out in pain, or grit his teeth. Maybe even bleed if the injury sparks such a reaction.
Use of environment: There wasn't much here at all, I couldn't picture the location within my mind. You had brought some bit of it to us towards the beginning, but that wasn't enough to allow the reader to imagine what this location would appear as. You didn't use the environment during the battle at all, despite with how concise and partial it looked and felt. I don't expect you to warp your surroundings, since it is given as a choice to those who make their entry. But at least fit in a bit more description. Like, what of the floor, the walls, the ceiling, and everything in between. Maybe there is impenetrable glass that the judges are hiding behind.
Details: You didn't put much detail into this post, and I sought for more description. We did get a glimpse into what the monster was like, and it was acceptable. But you had really neglected the field and your character in general. You had neglected pain, expression, more so descriptive moves, etc. Work on description, I mean, I know it can be a pain to type so much, but work on being more so descriptive.
Your post was all right, though it needs improvement.
4.5/8
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