Welcome to Gaia! ::

Dixie: Usually bulimia isn't a result of depression or low self esteem. Usually it's the persons way of having control over some aspect of thier life. Whenever they start feeling out of control they throw up because they can control that. After a while it just become habitual though. Usually binge eating goes along with it and since binge eating is a form of lack of control of the hunger impulses the need for control follows and the vomiting needs to be induced. I hope that understanding the source and pattern may help you focus on possibley finding some other way to exert control.

As for meds and therapy... I rarely think pills are the answer to any problem. In my time I've worked with two anorexics and a bullemic, one was a cutter and another was suicidal and within 6 months I had helped them get thier s**t together without meds of any kind or a degree. Therapists make things too complex. Pills make it imposibile to trace your thoughts. Together they suck.

Cutting is another one of those "exerting control" actions. Things like being scolded, being put on pills and being sent to therapy only make you feel less in control and as such make you want to do it more. It's completely counter intuitive.

As for your perceptions as these things in course of disease, is really a misconception. You're too young for them to know if you have a chemical imbalance. And to put you on meds at your age is only going to make things worse. Your bio-chemical composition is still being developed. Now it has to develope around this aspects that have been entered into your system through medication. As such if you ever come off the meds it will make you imbalanced because your body never got the chance to work out the imbalances on it's own.

As far as these being diseases... they are only in the definitive sense. They are putting you at Dis-Ease but that doesn't mean they can't be dealt with.

I seriously doubt you've been this way since birth. And I don't think your as hopeless as you seem to beleive you are. I've never seen a real problem that couldn't be fixed. Your problems are no different.

If you wanna talk more you know how to hit me up. heart

*nearly falls off his chair laughing*
xd Good one, samwise wink


Dixie love, how many times have I told you that we are here for you and we care so much about you that you need not appologise. You have made such wonderful progress since last year that you should not feel bad that things still haven't worked themselves out.

I especially agree with shadow's comment "Therapists make things too complex. Pills make it imposibile to trace your thoughts. Together they suck." I have seen this first hand as well on far too many an occation. Even Hime has a tough time trying to focus because her doc thinks she needs the stupid pills and she doesn't want to be on them any more then you do.

I know these 2 people. One is an extremely manipulative psycho, an exboyfriend..who we'll call C. The other, is a friend I've had since junior high who we'll call A. C, pretended to be a friend, and finally convinced me to hook him up with A. I did b/c I left this guy for Youki, and I thought maybe it would help me with guilt I felt. It help's that as far as what they want out of life, they're perfect for eachother. But, while we were dating, C told me about his past, how he used to run drugs, do heroin, and perform hits for his boss. I confided this to my best friend, M, at the ntime i was told about it. 4 months before I left him. A, had never been too lucky with guys, and throughout our friendship, she's dated 5 guys that i dated first. And at one point she was all about winning a guy over that had eyes for me. I always tried to be respectful of her feelings. Now, a few months later, A and C announced they're getting married on May 14, Youki and my's 1 year anniversary. I let that slide. And then I come down to visit, everything is cool, C even gives Youki a hug.

I get back, move into the apartment, and suddenly C can't deal with the hurt I caused him, by leaving him, and A, is siding with him.

I don't want to ask her to choose me over the guy that she loves, but she's letting his dislike for me, take over... After 6 years, she's denying that we ever had a real friendship, and is now hanging out with friend's that i lost when i left town. Not mutual friends.. My friends. She's sleeping in my old bed, fcking my old boyfriend[which is my fault], and now hanging out with my old friends.

I just want things to be fixed. I'm the type of person who likes to confront problems and deal with them.. and once they're dealt with, I'm over it..

I just don't know how to fix this... accept to cut them both out completely.

I'm out here in a new place, with 2 friend's, that live here. aside from Youki. I grew up having the same frined's since, junior high-sophomore year, and all but one has turned thier backs on me. And now I feel like I'm losing her. I'm not longer there to defend myself.

So, I'm seeing my only option, to be to turn my back on my past, Montgomery, Al. My parents and one of my little brothers and my best friend are all i have left there. But I don't have those strong time tested friendship's anymore, and it's really really.. unsettling.. I depended on those friendships, the same as i depend on my family, and matt. And now that confidence in these relationships is shattered..

Dixdear, atleast you are medicated. I have depression, AADD, and many medical probs stemming from an illness that happened when i was 17.

I would love some meds.

As for your problems, i definitley deal with being fat. Everday. everyday since i was in elementary school. I want to change it, but don;t have the drive, or determination. I'd rather have the oreo. But you have it. You just have to do it the right way, and take pleasure in it. Pat yourself on the back everytime you accomplish something. I don't know you that well, but I can see that you have a beauty that is more than skin deep. Show people that and they will love with whether your a size 14 or a size 4. <3

nuh, but if you scrool further up there are issues that im dealing with that having nothing to do with the size of my waist. But I am dealing with that on my own accord. n_n i was just trying to tell dix to e happy with herself.

it's coo babeh

The wieght gain is most likely just due to a misbalanced metabolism. In which case since it's a physical problem the nutritionist makes sense. But it's also probably due to the altered chemical state of your phisiology. If you got off the meds and just worked with the nutritionist you'd probably be back in shape in no time flat.

I loathe doctors. It's all guess work in a white coat. I've diagnosed any problem any friend has ever come to me with faster than any doctor has (as long as it wasn't something that could only be determined through hi-tech testing)

Funk the man!