Welcome to Gaia! ::

Kaoru watched the boat with huge eyes, not too sure about this one, but he'd been wrong about the roller coaster so he decided to trust Daichi. He didn't scream this time, but he still kept his grip on Daichi's arm. He was smiling as they got off and turned to the man, "Let's ride every ride!" And they did just that. Kaoru's favorite was one were they rode down a huge slide and into a pool of water, getting soaked in the process. He laughed. Actually laughed for the first time in years as they walked away, dripping wet. They took a break then to dry off and get something to eat. They tried some of the other carnival food, new things different from what they had the night before. Kaoru was having so much fun, he nearly forgot his plans for the night. For a moment, seeing how happy Daichi was and how much the man seemed to be enjoying himself, Kaoru had second thoughts. But then he saw Daichi's wrapped hand and he knew it was for the best. Daichi may be happy now, but that was the festival and the rides, not Kaoru. He was happy because they had agreed to forget about this morning, but as soon as they were back in the hotel, they would both be reminded. The didn't mean Kaoru stopped having fun. He encouraged Daichi to teach him a few more games and they added their little trinkets they had won to their locker before going back to the rides.

Around 8, the fireworks started and Kaoru leaned against Daichi as they watched. They had gotten their things from the locker. Kaoru had put what he could fit in the bag with their portrait, but he held the penguin in his arm. When the fireworks stopped, it was time to get Hana and Kaoru felt at peace. It had been a wonderful day. The best day he could have asked for. "Should we surprise Hana with the toys when we pick her up or give them to her at the inn?" He asked as they stepped into the pet store. He smiled when Hana noticed them and began to run in circles in excitement. She got on her hind legs and kicked her front ones, hoping along the glass that kept her in the day care room. "Oh dear, I think she missed us." Kaoru shook his head a little and waited for them to bring the puppy out. Apparently Hana wasn't so patient as she slipped out from under the lady trying to leash her and ran out the door and to her humans. She hopped until Kaoru bend to pick her up and proceeded to alternated between giving him kisses and whining at him as she wiggled in his arms. "I'm pretty sure she's chewing us out." Kaoru turned to Daichi and Hana wiggled out until she could reach him, licking where she could. "Alright, alright, baby girl. I know. We're sorry." The woman just shook her head a little and gave them Hana's leash.

Kaoru thanked her and they were on their was back to the inn. "I guess Hana made the choice of when we give her the toys." She hadn't bothered with the penguin in Kaoru's other arm, she had just snuggled in against his chest, still giving him little whines now and then. "It will give her something to play with at in the room, though. I bet she's tired, she seemed to be playing before she saw us." Kaoru was a little sad that holding Hana and the toy meant he couldn't hold Daichi's hand, but the walk to the inn wasn't that far. He'd deal with it. "When we get back do you want to soak in the bath? Or do you just want to go to bed? We had an eventful day!"

Kaoru nodded when Daichi said he was going to use the restroom. He placed Hana on the bed and undressed. He folded his plants and placed them on the bed, but he didn't notice one of the bottles of pills had slipped out and landed on the bed under them. He slipped into the bath, sighing softly. It felt nice on sore muscles from being bounced around on the rides. He sat back and closed his eyes, trying to not remember how just the night before he had slipped into Daichi's lap and...he blushed a bit and sunk lower in the water. Daichi came out and Kaoru smiled, "It's wonderful." He felt he should look away as Daichi undressed, but seeing as it was probably his last time to see Daichi's beautifully sculpted body, he watched discreetly.

Daichi got in the water and Kaoru smiled, "Thank you for today. I honestly don't think I've ever had so much fun or been so happy in my life." He reached over and slid his hand into Daichi's uninjured hand, "I don't know if you believe me when I say this, but I am so happy that I was chosen to be with you. Last night-" he forced himself to look into Daichi's eyes so the man would see how honest he was being, "Last night was the best night of my life. It was everything I prayed it would be. I'm sorry I ruined it this morning, but I promise I'll make it up to you." He gave Daichi's hand a little squeeze and then let go. "It really is a beautiful night tonight."

Hana sniffed around the bed while her humans were outside. She wanted to join them, but she couldn't find a way down. She smelled Kaoru's pants and found something that rattled underneath. She batted at it and grabbed it in her teeth, shaking it and liking the noise it made. She pounced on it, but ended up sliding off the bed, the rattle toy falling with her. She picked it up and took it out to her humans, showing them her new toy.

Kaoru saw Hana come out with a bottle in her mouth and frowned a little. She dropped it next to the bath and wagged her tail, seemingly proud of herself. Kaoru recognized the bottle and paled, "Hana!" She looked at his with her head turned to the side, "No, baby girl, you shouldn't play with bottles!" He grabbed it and gave her a little pet so she knew she wasn't in trouble. "Sorry, I just-" he tried to think of a quick excuse, "I have trouble sleeping sometimes so I take sleeping pills. When I got you those pain medications I saw they had the brand I prefer for a really good price, so I picked some up. I didn't mean for Hana to find them." He got out of the bath and quickly took the pills back to his pants. he hide them with the rest in his bag. He got the penguin and brought it out, putting in in front of Hana before getting back in the water. "Here, sweetie, play with this." Hana sniffed at the toy and slowly crept forward, exploring as she was unsure what it was. Kaoru smiled and settled back down, "She doesn't know what to do with it." He shook his head a little and watch the pup as she barked a few times at the toy. Hopefully Daichi would buy his story and be distracted by Hana.

TRIGGER WARNING




Kaoru was glad that Daichi let it go. They watched Hana play, but far too soon for Kaoru's tastes, Daichi started to get drowsy and got out of the water. Kaoru got out as well and dried off. He put on his jammies and slipped into bed with Daichi for the last time. He was greatful when Daichi turned out the lights because then he didn't have to hide the tears filling his eyes anymore. "Goodnight, Daichi. Goodnight Hana." He said softly, careful to keep the emotions swirling through him from coming out in his voice. He sat and waited, careful to make sure that Daichi was fully asleep before he moved. He slipped out of bed carefully and got the stationary and pills out from his bag. He slipped into the bathroom so he could claim that he was using the facilities if Daichi woke up again. Kaoru sat on the toilet lid and looked at the paper and pen in his hand. His eyes drifted to the sink where he had placed the pills. It took him several minutes to think of what he wanted to say. There were so many different things. He first wrote a letter to his mother in law, stating why he had taken his life and begging she not force Daichi to marry again. He pleaded that the man deserved to be happy and should be allowed to marry someone who did just that. He begged her forgiveness for failing to be a proper spouse to Daichi and asked that she allow this tradition to die with him. That part was easy, but the letter to Daichi was going to be harder. Slowly, but surely, the words began to flow out. Kaoru cried as he wrote, the ink blurring a little in certain spots, but it was still legible.

"Diachi,
I want to tell you first and foremost, I never once meant to make you think I believed you were the type of man to intentionally hurt me. I’m so sorry that I acted the way I did this morning. So much of these past three years has been focused on what I am and am not to do once we are married. I was told that I wasn’t to do anything to remind you that I am not a traditional bride. When you pleasured me this morning and I came inside of you like that, it went against all of my training and I didn’t know what to do. I shamed you and then angered you because I failed to explain what I had done wrong. When I was planning for our wedding, I never dreamed that I would actually be happy living with you as your husband. But I was. I have been the happiest I’ve ever been in my life these few months with you. Which make it hurt so much more that I could not offer you the same happiness. I hope that you can find someone to be with that will make you as happy as you have made me. I will not dishonor you by asking our arrangement be ended. The fault has been mine and mine alone. I know how much you hate being forced to marry someone you don’t know, let alone being forced to marry another man. I’ve written a letter to your mother, asking that if you remarry, you be allowed to pick your own spouse. I have also asked, as my last request, that she bring an end to this barbaric practice so that no more will have to suffer like you have. I am so sorry I failed you, Daichi. Please believe me when I say that you bare none of the blame, it is all mine. I couldn’t be what you needed or wanted. I have failed as a wife, a husband, and a friend. I won’t force you to endure my failures anymore. Thank you for such an amazing day today. Last night is my most cherished memory. I only hope that you and the family will see my actions for what they are. It’s the only way I know how to make things right. I’m so sorry that I won’t be able to see your smile again, but I pray that the person lucky enough to see that smile will deserve to be by your side. I hope you find the love you deserve.
Please remember me favorably,
Kaoru"

Kaoru folded both letters and wrote the names on the outside of each. He checked to make sure that Daichi hadn't woken. Kaoru had debated taking the pills in the bathroom, but if Daichi needed to use it he didn't want to be in the way. His second option was the outdoor bath. That way, even if he didn't take enough of the pills, he would drown in his sleep. Either way, it would guarantee the deed was done. Daichi was still asleep, Hana having curled up against him in the time that Kaoru had been gone. He smiled at the two and placed his letter on the bedside stand next to Daichi's head, resting them against the lamp so that the man would see them when he turned the light on. Kaoru gave Hana a soft pet and risked a soft kiss to Daich's cheek. "Goodbye...my love." The words were barely whispered, a mere breath as Kaoru slipped away. He slipped outside and shut the sliding door behind himself. Not wanting to be caught naked, Kaoru stripped down to his undershirt and underwear before slipping into the warm water. He'd brought a glass of water with him from the bathroom to help him take the medicine and he reached for the bottles. He had two bottles, but with the new plan of the water taking care of the rest, he wondered if it might be overkill to take both. He settled for half of one and if he woke up he'd take more. His hands were shaking as he poured the pills into his palm, but he transferred them to his mouth and swallowed with a big drink of water.

Kaoru knew it would take a minute or two to kick in, so he placed the bottle of pills within reach in case he needed them and rolled onto his back, floating in the water as he started to get drowsy. He couldn't imagine it would be too bad. With the soothing warmth of the water to take him down into sleep he thought dying may even be pleasant. For the first time in his life, Kaoru was able to fully relax. No more worrying that he wasn't good enough, no more being terrified of failure. No more visits to the veranda. Kaoru smiled a little and let his eyelids close, they were starting to get heavy and his body was sinking a little in the water. His head was still up, but only just. And Daichi would finally be free. The man would truly be free and Kaoru was glad he was the one who freed him. It was getting harder to keep his head up, but Kaoru wanted his moment of peace to last just a little while longer before he drifted into unconsciousness.

Something was wrong. Hana had been pet by her human and she thought he was going to join the puppy pile, but he didn't. He smelled sad and moved away. That was unacceptable. Hana heard the door and got up as it was closing. She jumped down from the bed and tried to scratch at the door, wanting to open it to see where her Mama had gone, but it was no use. She whimpered, knowing something was very, very wrong. The puppy bounded up to the bed and began to whine at her daddy. She nuzzled and licked his face, wanting him awake to get mama and bring him back. When her daddy finally opened his eyes she jumped onto the bedside table where the things mama had left where and bit at them until he picked them up. They were important, she knew it. She jumped down and ran to the door, whining as he looked at the things. Mama was on the other side and he needed them, now.

Kaoru was just starting to drift away when something splashed water over him. It took a second for the words and face of the man to swim into focus. "Dai-" he whispered, his words slurred, but the man was screaming at him. "It's ok-" he whispered, "it's going to be ok." He was being picked up, but Kaoru didn't want to be taken from the water's warmth. He drifted in and out as he was placed on the bed, but it was Daichi calling for help that sunk into his drugged mind. "No-" he sloppily reached out, "no, don't. Please." Tears filled his eyes and he started to dry. "I need to make it right. Please. please, let me make it right-" Daichi ignored him and kept him awake until the ambulance arrived. Suddenly Kaoru was surrounded by stranger, being touched and poked by hands he didn't know and he cried out. "No, no-" had he failed yet again? He couldn't even die properly. He was strapped to a gurney and taken into the ambulance, the EMTs ignoring his crying as he dropped down, giving up. He'd failed. He'd failed. Kaoru hated himself so much at that moment. He should have taken the whole bottle. He should have taken both! They were loaded up and the EMT told Daichi the hospital they were going to. He said Daichi could bring Hana if he wanted to ride with them, as the puppy might help calm Kaoru down.

The ride to the hospital was quick and Kaoru fell silent, staring at the ceiling of the ambulance as the EMTs put an IV in and started to give him neutralizing agents to make him purge the pills he'd taken. He was taken out and rushed to a room where they began the process of pumping his stomach. Kaoru didn't fight. He laid limply as they worked, allowing his body to be moved and turned as was needed. It hurt, it hurt so much, but Kaoru deserved the pain. He refused the pain medication they offered, but his desire was overridden. The pain medication made him sleepy and he wondered if he could somehow still die from this. He couldn't bring himself to look at Daichi. Why had he called for help? Why had he woken? Tears slipped down his cheeks as he drifted into sleep, the doctors closely monitoring his vitals as he slept off the after effects of what he'd taken and been given.

He drifted back to consciousness late the next day, is throat sore from the tube they had forced down it. His head throbbed and the lights hurt, but what hurt the most was the fact he'd woken at all. Kaoru sobbed softly and tried to turn onto his side, but he'd been strapped down to the bed to prevent him from making any more attempts on his life. He looked around the room, but didn't see Daichi. Was the man disgusted with him? Was he going to end their marriage? Then Kaoru would have to go back to his parents. He started to hyperventilate, thinking of what his mother would do now that Kaoru had utterly shattered their honor. Why? Why did Daichi have to wake up when he did? Why couldn't Kaoru do one thing right?

Kaoru was joined by a man that claimed to by the family therapist. He looked at the man before looking away, "Where is Daichi? Does he-" his voice broke a little and he started to cry harder, "Does he hate me now? I-I'm sorry. I can't make him happy, I'll never be able to make him happy. Please, just tell him to forget about me." He tried to slow his breathing, but he wasn't able to, "I-I understand if he wants to send me back." He had to stop, unable to continue as thoughts of his mother's anger filled his mind, "Please. I didn't mean to fail him." He finally looked at the man again, "I just want him to be happy."

Kaoru took a shaky breath and dropped his head to the pillow, staring at the ceiling, "He's made me so happy. I just want him to be happy too..."

Rui sat back a little and watched the sad boy in front of him. Kaoru's words contrasted with what little Daichi had been willing to say about their relationship. "Was that what you were doing when you tried to take your life?"

Kaoru nodded, "I can't make him happy. How could I? I'm too broken. How can a failure make someone so amazing happy?"

Rui thought he could see what was going on, but he wanted to speak with Daichi to be sure. "Kaoru, you're not a failure. Have you truely been happy with Daichi?" Kaoru nodded and Rui could see he was telling the truth. There was a lot going on here. Daichi telling him of Kaoru's childhood abuse and mindset added to everything else, he knew it was going to take some time to get the boy to the point where he could see his own worth. "I wanted to talk to you, but is it ok if I bring Daichi in so I can talk to the both of you?"

Kaoru sat up a little and looked at Rui, "I-," He looked away and dropped back down to the bed, "Only if he wants to see me. He's been forced to put up with me for too long already."

Rui frowned and patted Kaoru's foot, "I've known Daichi for some time, now, and he's never just put up with someone. If he didn't like you, he wouldn't have planned this vacation for you. He wouldn't have spent the night sick with worry. I am willing to bet he likes you quiet a bit, Kaoru. But don't take my word for it, let me go and get the man himself."

Rui left Kaoru and stepped out into the hallway before calling Daichi. "I'm guessing you have finished and are sitting in your car debating asking me to bring Kaoru home," he said as soon as Daichi answered, smiling. He knew people well and the people he worked for even more so. Daichi was someone that was easy to predict. "Kaoru is awake. I wanted to speak to you really quick before talking to the both of you together. I believe there has been a misunderstanding on both sides that I would like to clear up before we can make any progress."

Kaoru wasn't sure if he wanted to face Daichi again. Maybe he should ask to be sent back home. His mother would finish what he'd failed to do. But maybe he could say goodbye to Daichi properly.

Rui smiled at Daich when the man arrived, "I wanted to confirm something," He looked directly into Daichi's eyes, "Do you think Kaoru tried to take his life to get away from you and your marriage?" He waited for Daichi's answer before nodding, "Daichi, you've known me long enough to know that I can't be lied to, right? I've been call in as an expert by law enforcement regularly to read the tells of people and have never been wrong. So when I tell you that Kaoru loves you, you know that I am being completely and totally honest. That boy honestly thought that taking his life was the only way he could give you a chance at happiness. He didn't do it to get away and he definitely doesn't fear you. He just can't see a future where he can make you happy." Rui sighed and rubbed his eyes, "There's a lot going on in his head, and yours too. But if we are going to make this work, you can't avoid him. He wants to see you, but he's afraid you hate him. He feels like he's failed you." Rui placed a hand on Daichi's arm, "He even said he should be sent back, all because he thinks he can't make you happy. Now I'm not saying that this is on you, not in the least, but he has had it quit literally beaten into him that his purpose in life is to make you happy. I want to talk to the both of you to have you two make me a promise. I want you two to promise that you will be completely and totally honest with each other, even if you think it might make the other angry. And I want you both to promise to believe what you have been told. This won't work unless you both agree." He stepped back, "If you don't think you can do that then I will have to find another way to do this, but that is the best way for you two to be able to move forward." He waited to see what Daichi would answer.

((short is ok! and yeah, sorry, i kind of took him over))

Rui sighed softly, yup. he had a lot of work ahead of him. "Happy people do stupid things, especially if they think by doing it they will be making someone else happy." He walked over to Daichi and put a friendly hand on his shoulder, "All I can ask is that you try. Neither of you will be truly happy if this continues." He smiled "It's going to be ok, Daichi. It's going to take some time, but we will get this sorted out. You both have been through too much." He gave Daichi's shoulder a squeeze before leading the way into the hospital room.

Kaoru hadn't been able to hear anything over the sounds of the machinery he was attached to. He closed his eyes and tried to breath, the feeling of the bindings reminding him of being tied to the veranda. This was another punishment, and he could handle that. At least he was more comfortable Rui came in, but it was the man behind him that Kaoru focused on. His lower lip trembled and he wanted to cry again when he saw Daichi. He looked exhausted. He should be resting, he shouldn't be stuck here with his failure of a husband. "Daichi-" he whispered, clearing his throat a little as he tried to keep the tears from falling. "I'm sorry. Please, don't hate me." The tears actually started to fall, "I understand if you send me back. I'm so sorry."

Rui glanced at Daichi before speaking, "Kaoru, no one is making you go back. We would never force someone to go back to their abuser. Besides, I want us to talk. Daichi," he turned to the man, "Would you be willing to tell Kaoru what you told me?" He smiled gently, it was important that Kaoru knew Daichi was having a hard time believing him and felt he was lying whenever Kaoru expressed that he was happy.

Kaoru swallowed and looked at Daichi, scared, but ready to hear his failings straight for his husband's mouth. If he knew what parts of him were the worst, then he could start to improve. Maybe he could salvage their relationship. Maybe, just maybe, he had a chance of making Daichi happy after all.

Rather than speak himself, Rui looked to Kaoru, allowing him to respond.

Kaoru was in shock. Daichi didn't believe him? He could understand after this, but even before? How badly had Kaoru screwed up that Daichi didn't believe anything he said. Daichi's last words made him flinch, "No-" he licked his lips and glanced Rui, before continuing. "If you had to promise to be honest, then I will too. Daichi, I swear that I am not lying to you. I swear it on..." he tried to think of something that would hold meaning, "I swear on my place within the family. I will be honest with you and if I lie, I will leave your home and return to my parents. Will that be enough?" He didn't know what else he could promise on. "Daichi, I didn't-didn't do this to get away from you. I-" he tried to not cry anymore than he already had, "I wanted you to be happy. I can't make you happy, I'm too broken. You deserve so much better than me, but if I asked for our marriage to be annulled it would shame you. I couldn't do that to you, not when you have been so amazing to me." He swallowed, his throat dry, "So the only way to free you from me was to-to take me out of the equation." He sniffed and looked down, "I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm so sorry, Daichi. I'm so sorry that I failed you again."

Rui looked at Daichi, "He's telling the truth. I saw no sign of deceit," he said softly. He then inclined his head for Daichi to respond.