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The more time passed, the more a simple outcome to this seemed impossible. Especially with the rather… horrible rumors Ishum had heard of. Her mind simply refused to wrap around that concept fully, a part of her too angry, and the other too horrified.

A god’s blood indeed. All she could hope was that it was a mortal’s silly invention and not, well…. Exactly what she was, in fact, fearing. Some part of her still thought said mortal needed to be pummeled if that was someone’s idea of a sick joke.

She kept on searching, still not straying far, still daring to hope she would find a clue, the one little bit everyone had missed that would at least narrow the possibilities down. Something. Anything. Having to comb trough endless worlds one by one would probably take months, no, years, and if there was a dangerous situation involved she might not even have that long. How odd, for a goddess, to have to take time in consideration. Time was not something she had truly bothered herself with before – something abstract, a bit distant, something that she did not have to bother with, of course. If there hadn’t been a need to, because of her concerts, to keep track of months and hours and minutes she most likely would not have bothered. Only now, she found herself counting the days without truly meaning to.

Searching kept her busy, of course, and probably kept her from brooding even more than she already was. It was much more common to see a small, thoughtful frown on her face instead of the usual charming smiles, at the matter at hand kept on eating at her. Searching was nice and good, but what would she do once she’d found what she was looking for ? Now that was a whole new beast. One that she was more than happy to ignore for the time being.

She had taken to watching Tempo train lately. She’d refused to let him know why, a fact which was rather worrying for the poor aoidei, but yet she had not done anything else but watch. It was oddly soothing, actually, to do nothing but watch him move, and kind of interesting to see just how agile her bodyguard actually was. It wasn’t something she usually did – she was most often than not writing, or otherwise busy in some sort of fashion or another. Which was a bit of a shame, since this was quite interesting. Not really the fact that he was training, or to think this was to be potentially to be used against some other being, but simply the way he moved – it almost seemed like he was dancing.

…Something inside her memory, her old, broken down memory of the life before now, stirred but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but it left behind an odd urge, a want she could not quite identify, but that she could not ignore either. It caught her off-guard for a moment.

Tempo had, after he had awakened once more, sought out many weapons, kinds he had once mastered and now sought to become familiar with once more. The aoidei clearly preferred small blades, easy to conceal and maneuver. She could see his small 'collection' in the open now, from katars to daggers to all sort of blades she did not know the name of, some bulkier than others, some more ornate than others. She couldn’t help herself, and slid by closer to where they where spread out for easy access. Two in particular, twin blades, had caught her eye in particular, they where quite lovely to look at, and they head a certain beauty in despite being weapons. Simple and elegant. One finger traced the circular shapes of the metal, and the goddess was quite glad that Tempo was not watching her, else he would probably freak out and fear she would cut herself. As if… Really, sometimes having to much protection was almost like being choked.

Her hands traveled down, curling around the handles, weighting them experimentally. They where light – probably fast and quick to strike, but she didn’t care about that. That wasn’t what she was looking for. But light was good, her mind told her.

It also told her to move, and so, she did. She slid away from the worn-down table, both blades still in hand, her arms moving experientially, sliding along with the two blades with a precision one wouldn’t expect. Her legs followed next – a push, a twirl, move the arms in an arch.

The dance had begun, and so she continued, to the rhythm of a song that only existed inside her own mind, away from the present, away from having to think about anything, away from worry, away from everything. She did not ask herself any more question, did not ask herself just how she knew how to move that way – she simply did and that was enough.

It took a few minutes before her arms started to ache from the unfamiliar movements and she was trust back into reality – when she opened her eyes again, Tempo was staring at her, and she couldn’t help the slight blush that formed, or the pout that followed. ”What ?”

The poor aoidei almost jolted, then shook his head. “My lady ! I apologize, I did not mean to stare, but… I have not seen you dance in ages. So long, now… That is quite a gift you have given my eyes.”

The goddess sent him a confused glance, a dark eyebrow rising as she looked down at one of the blades she was still holding. ”So you mean… I used to do this ?”

“Often.” He spoke softly, walking the few steps that separated them after he was done wiping the sweat off his arms. “You often said it was quite calming. You mean you don’t…”

”…It does not really matter if I remember or not, don’t I ? The past is gone and it isn’t going to come back no matter how hard we wish it could.” She gently let the blades down on the table once more, and watched as he put them away with the rest.

”…But, I figure I was right. That was quite calming.”

Today was not a good day.

While the statement pretty much held true for all the days she had lived through for the last two months (the fact that it had actually been two months had only devastated her further) but today seemed almost worse, if that was even possible. There was a tightness in her chest that refused to leave, a ache in her limbs that seemed to amplify with every second and every movement she made. Nothing felt right, and now even her own body seemed to be rebelling. Nothing was working out, everything was wrong, her search always remained fruitless. There was no clue, no hint as to where to go and what happened. Nothing. The urges where too loud, impossible to ignore.

She needed to get away. Go away and forget. Forget. It. All.

And that was exactly what she had done. She's gotten out without telling anyone, ignored the ache in her limbs and walked off. She did not go to the park. There where too many bad memories there now, she did not know if she would even be able to go there with some peace of mind left intact ever again. She did not know where she was going, but it did not matter, as long as it was away - away from everything, away from her worries, all her problems, away from where she knew Lien had little time left, away from everything.

Too bad she couldn't walk away from herself.

She walked for hours, finding her way out of town, while not heading into any direction in particular. She walked until she finally found her way to a small hillside, and that was when her legs could no longer bear the pain and she finally tumbled and felt, the dry, dead grass cracking under her body. There was nothing, not a sound, not even a yelp of surprise and pain - she used the last of her strength to turn, her back against the scorched earth, and she remained still, staring at the sky. There where stars, a few... so little seemed to remain now, compared from the sky in what remained of her host's memories after they had became one voice and one soul. One arm rose up, trembling, as if to try to touch one of the fews that where left. The sky was otherwise black and empty. Like nothingness. Like Void.

A chill ran down her spine.

She knew something like this would probably be coming. The body was yet mortal in parts - it yet required many things she hadn't been careful to keep up with - in her wild, seemingly useless search. Of course it would eventually rebel. It wasn't hard to see she was not a tad too pale, or how she had slimmed down a bit. The tightness in her chest seemed in increase in intensity and she let out a small sound of discomfort. It was almost like there was something there, trying to claw it's way out. It was so uncomfortable and painful that the only thing that kept the goddess from erupting into tears was that she had none left to shed.

Her aoidei would be upset when they found her here... if they found her there. But she didn't care. She needed to get away, and suffer alone in silence. Or at least in whatever silence a goddess of music could manage. Her wings where kicking into what seemed to be overdrive - they did not stop twitching, moving, and spiraling out of what little control she actually had on them. Nothing felt right. It was like if suddenly, someone had removed the ground from under her, and all she could do was tumble. But right now, she didn't want to think. Think about this. Think about anything at all. If it was possible to evaporate and become darkness, she probably would have.

"And in the end, there was only darkness." She sang, half-heartedly. Her voice resonated in an odd way. She took notice, but didn't care much. "Without him I am lifeless."

It shouldn't be so. It shouldn't have been possible for this to happen. What was this, exactly ? His kidnapping ? His very absence breaking her from inside ? Both of it ? He had been gone before, and it had not been like this. It wasn't healthy for things to be like this.

In her despair, she hadn't noticed the strings. A part of her she was so used to, that she paid them no mind. But they where now trashing wildly in the dead grass, tugging and gaining length, twisting yet never knotting. Their coloration shifted, growing more and more toward gold instead of silver. It didn't take long for the color to start to spread. But in her thought, she did not notice quite yet.

This couldn't do. Wouldn't do. She was headed toward madness, darkness and ruin. This would do her little good. She could not fall. She was a goddess. Why did she keep having to remind herself of her own nature ? Her determination came in patches, then faded the second things no longer went her way.

She'd decided there would be no more of this some time ago, but... it hadn't really worked. But she would try again. Try until she would finally get it right.

Ignoring her pain, she worked herself back onto her feet, her stance wobbly. The strings kept on moving behind her, trashing wildly and ripping off the grass in patches as they hit the ground. The tightness in her chest acted up some more, but this time, she did not let it. Instead, she sang. "I cannot fall now - too much has been given, too much is at stake. Do no despair, for everything find it's way, and I will find a way to you, now and forevermore !"" The sound of her voice, the first and more primal instrument she had discovered, in ages long gone and buried, reaching out beyond what should be possible to even her. It was not a well thought-out melody, not calculated with precision or given thoughts - she seemed to be speaking more than singing, but in the end, it seemed to do.

And, just like that... Everything started. She'd finally let out, and what had been kept bottled so long under rage and despair, the hidden determination that she always had processed yet only showed up at key points of her life, was finally allowed to shine. The tightness in her chest left, but was quickly replaced by pain as something struck her in the back - she almost felt down under the force of the blow, let out a pained scream, then tilted her head in panic to look.

Her wings had seemingly unfolded, the brilliant purple part having actually ripped off her dress in the small of her back and actually sunk into her skin. The "wound" closed almost immediately, but the odd sensations did not fade. Her wings continued to unfold, gaining length and strings grew inside them, as if they had gained some sort of solidity.

She did not get the time to think about what was going on. The pain in her limbs increased and she felt down once more. Bones grew, stretching muscles to follow suit. The body altered itself once more, leaving behind the remnants of the teenager and, with it, the last thread of mortality that had remained. The odd patches the morph had speckled on her skin faded away, her skin regained the healthy color she had lost in the last few months of pain. Touch of purples replaced them, on her lips and face. Some length was also gained at the ears, which flattened back in pain as soon as they gained the mobility to do so. A sudden, faint burning in her eyes forced her to shut them, and she hugged herself in pure reflex. It hurt...

The last thing was completely painless - her hair color faded, altered itself, from black to bright blue and purple - and, at last, it was done. The aches had all but faded, leaving behind only aftershocks and a rather confused goddess who wasn't quite sure what had just happened.

The dress had become very tight and uncomfortable, which made her wince a bit. In despite all this, she felt... oddly better than she had remembered being, beside a few key events on her new life. She felt more like.... herself.

I am finally whole.

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